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How can I find friends, or just people that can tolerate me being around?

Niyumi·3/18/2017, 11:14:00 AM·2 votes·447 views

Title, really.

My whole life, I've been alone -- When I was little, my parents ignored me most of the time. My siblings freak out any time I talk to them, and don't like having me around. My extended family ignores me. Going through school I never had friends, and I still have none. Playing MMOs since I was 10, I never made any friends on the internet. Any girl I've ever talked to has either laughed at me or just blown me off (I'm asexual, so I wasn't just after sex -- even before I called myself asexual, I never wanted sex)... I've just always been alone.

So, after being treated as if I wasn't there or pushed away for so many years, I gave up. In school, I just sat in the library during lunch and read books. No one bothered talking to me ever, and anyone I talked to just tried to find some way to get out of the conversation and away from me -- though everyone was really nice and I was never really bullied or anything.

Obviously there's something wrong with me, but I never had any idea what it would be. I know I can be an ass on the forums, but in person I'm the nicest guy you'd ever run across, I bathe and take care of myself, I don't stink, I dress kind of plainly, I talk quietly and articulately... I don't see why I'm so intimidating / repulsive. Even on the internet people tend to ignore me or just talk over me. But, what would cause your family, and everyone you ever come across, to treat you like anathema? I could never figure it out, and any therapists I was forced to go to said I seemed totally normal and approachable.

I play games alone, I go to work and I'm just alone all day, I go to class (college) and no one talks to me, I come home and I may as well be living by myself (unless they need something)... I hate being alone, and it makes my anxiety go fucking ballistic, but no matter what I do I've just always been alone.

Anyway, point of the post: What can I do to not be alone? What do I have to do to make people not avoid me?

4 Comments

OurLestrade3/18/2017, 12:31:10 PM1 votes

Beats me. Just keep to yourself like most people do.

69469238DEL13/18/2017, 1:00:15 PM1 votes

Start working out, it'll change your entire life. That's literally the answer to your problems.

DrCyanide3/18/2017, 1:26:07 PM1 votes

My advice for starting out would be to find a club or activity to join. It can be a church group, a board game club, an intermural sports team, a writing club, just about anything. Once you're there, just try and relax and introduce yourself to people, ask questions about what's going on and about them. Sometimes people in such groups also feel afraid of new comers, or feel like they see so many ​new comers that is not worth introducing themselves, so don't take it personally if you get a cold shoulder at first.

Try to be happy just being there. Yes, you want to meet new people and make friends, but if you throw yourself at that goal you might push people away.

I know I can be an ass on the forums, but in person I'm the nicest guy you'd ever run across

I think most people who post on the boards at least have some times when they come off rough around the edges. It happens with digital communication.