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This game Is messing with my mental/emotional health...

KashedOut·9/13/2016, 5:15:47 AM·3 votes·832 views

I started playing league at the end of middle school. Around the same time, my family went through some hardships that landed us on the streets for 7 months. this game and the idea of being known for something i felt i was good at, pushed me through it. the feeling of climbing to gold or better and getting seen, getting a chance to tell my story and leave a legacy on something i found a passion in...was enough to smile through it... ask anybody i know, this game has been my dream. but as of season 5.... its become a stagnant pool of depression and emotional suffering... in 5 years i havent grown or progressed, and im frustrated to say the least. I feel like im back on the highschool football team... i had a 98% catch completion in pre-season/passing league as a wide reciever... got to play 20 minutes all year... and on 4th down as a defensive back... never given a chance to truly shine and when i am, im already set up to lose... maybe i just needed somewhere to rant. but this game has been breaking me down mentally/emotionally for too damn long... i just want to get out of silver... Im now 22, with a wife and beautiful 9 month daughter, and still play in my down-time.. (since work screws me with hours... its a lot of down time) It never gets any easier..

Every year, im placed in bronze 3-5... every year i climb to silver 1-3.... and every year im stuck in a wash. every time i get close, i find myself in games with so many toxic players that troll, flame, feed, etc... ive tried watching my own gameplay, pro gameplay, higher tier gameplay, ive tried implementing those thought processes/playstyles... ive tried to learn the ins and outs of every point of the game. ive tried every role, found my strongest roles to be mid and adc... tried to master champions in those roles... cant climb... get trolled. im so emotionally invested into this game that ive been brought to tears time and time again, all because my goal is to get to gold... to finally get out of silver and every year im left disappointed and feeling like shit because i cant reach my goal. ive started questioning my ability to succeed in every day life, for the sake of this game... and i cant find myself to detach from it. i cant step away and just stop playing... because all i want is to get to gold, to climb my way out and get a chance to turn my dull bullshit past and life around and do what i love for a living... and i know my odds of that ever happening are non-existant.. which hurts even more so. But ive got a history of wishing on dead stars....

10 Comments

Anti Hero Agam9/13/2016, 5:21:19 AM2 votes

Yo man. Cheer up. You have a family and that is where you really need to focus your time, attention, and energy. Unless you are planning to be a professional, you really should consider this a casual game and play for fun, or just to pass the time.

BLACK REALM GOD9/13/2016, 5:35:41 AM2 votes

you have two options guy. #1) keep playing and accept that you havent improved - you may not ever get any better at this game, but what's wrong with playing a game just to play it?

#2) go find something else to do that you might be good at and let it be your new joy in life. i recommend you seek counseling and therapy. you are showing signs of addiction and self-esteem issues that i think you need to have someone help you with. if they offer you pills go to another practitioner because what you need is to find your outlet in life.

im 22 as well and i DONT have a wife or a kid and i WASNT given 20 minutes to shine in football. i had to quit sophmore year because of an injury after being a benchwarmer all freshman year. i cant get out of bronze. i was never on the street for a long time but i did lose my home and my immediate family. i had to move in with friends at one point and still cant hold down a job.

dont let this game be your crutch or hold you back from enjoying the things you do have in life.

Anti Hero Agam9/13/2016, 5:24:41 AM1 votes

I add you so we can duo. I'll carry you some

Sejeo9/13/2016, 5:25:04 AM1 votes

Well I what I did is get a group of friends who are better then me and play a ton of 5v5 customs and they are fun as fuck. Then playing with better players you will prob lose and do badly but still eventually you will know how to fight them and play passive and go in when needed and such. Also if you really want to get better find a diamond/high plat with a ton of game knowledge to give you tips on how to get better find your problems and work to fix them

oSEXYPLATYPUSo9/13/2016, 6:01:55 AM1 votes

hey i understand the emotional ties people get to this game and other stuff. i get it, but you need to distance your emotional self worth and the game. you arent playing the game to enjoy it, your playing the game to fill some kind of emotional void in your life. i understand how its hard growing up, i grew up on welfare, housing with a single mom who has been disabled since i was 7 and having two younger brothers, i know how it is to do with out.

lucky enough i was never on the streets but never truly had a home to grow up in and had to move alot. along with being born with a rare blood disorder where im sick all the time and spent months at a time in a hospital due to it i lack social skills and am antisocial and not great with in social settings. other then work i dont normally get out of the house very often. being older my friends are all older as well and getting masters degrees, starting families ect so im kinda the odd ball who dont have that as well. so when i play league its cuz i honestly have nothing else to go do or feel to sick or shitty to go do stuff.

but along time ago i gave up on trying to achieve a rank or care anything about it. i just try to play the game to enjoy the game for the fun of the game. i dont put my self esteem and worth into my elo or rank. matter of fact i have zero rank games played this season and only had 15 all of last season. sad truth is not every one is great at this game but that isnt the worst thing. we all cant be plat and challenger. but we all can enjoy the game and have fun. worst part of rank due to dynamic queue and the boosting everywhere rank is so jacked i dont know why any one plays it anymore.

we all need to be a better community come together and stop the hate and flaming and toxic environment that we all are aware and some what responsible for on some levels. when i started league to be honest i wanted nothing to do with the game but my best friend played it and we were roommates and he moved to his own place due to his bitch of a gf so i got into to be able to have some kind of relationship with him cuz his gf tried her damnest to make us stop being friends. i still cant stand that %%%% and im not one for violence but i will hit that bitch in her jaw the next time i see her and she says anything. anyways.... but league was a way for us to extend our friendship and now that he quit playing about 8 months ago i dont find it near as enjoy able and somewhat i find it more toxic and stressful. but due to other responsibility i have helping my mother who is disabled and providing transportation for her and my brother i dont get alot of time to be away from home. so i sit on league cuz tv sucks.

but as you can see we all have different emotional attachments to league and what the game means to us. but you need to know not achieving gold or higher isnt a value on you and your self worth. you not getting gold isnt you being on the streets. no matter what rank you achieve will change who you are. you need to be grateful for your loving wife and kids. and put your worth in being a good person and a good husband and father. that is what means something in this life, that is something to be proud of and to achieve, not an elo or an ranking on a game that in all reality dont mean anything.