Mental Illness and League
I've thought about making this post for a while, and I wasn't sure if I should or not. Still not really sure if this is the right place to talk about something like this, but I do feel I should get this out there.
So, like most people that use the boards, I liked League of Legends. Quite a bit in my case, and still do. But I've had to take a hiatus from the game because of issues with my mental health, and I do hope it's a hiatus and not a permanent leave from the game. I do want to come back one day. I suppose I should explain why I've taken this hiatus though.
About 3 months ago, I had a rather sudden onset of some nausea. When it first started, I assumed it was some stomach bug or something I ate, and that it would go away after a day or two. It didn't. After 4-5 days of this, I made a doctor's appointment, the first of many. My doctor wasn't sure what was causing my nausea, and I had several tests done. Tests for certain bacteria in my stomach, x rays to check if there was something in my guts causing it, etc... None of them showed anything wrong. The nausea stayed, and it was terrible. I had a bucket next to me in my room nearly all the time in case I threw up, but I never did. I couldn't sleep properly, and was getting incredibly sleep-deprived. After over 2 months of this it got to a point where I was considering suicide because I was in such a miserable state. I checked myself into the hospital out of desperation, hoping I'd finally get help of some sort, which I did fortunately. I was sent to a psych ward, saw a psychiatrist and learned why I was feeling so nauseous for so long. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and stress/anxiety was triggering nausea. I was given anti-depressants and things are doing ok now.
But what does that have to do with League of Legends? Well, as I've learned quite recently. The biggest stressor I had in my life was this game. I got too invested in it, and was stressing myself out over every move I did wrong, over every teammate I might have angered by a mistake I made, over trying to gain rank and keep it, over winning every game I started. I quickly found out that this game wasn't something I could play, despite how much I love and enjoy it. I'm still not sure if it's a specific part of the game, like having to concentrate on so many factors at once, or how bad some parts of the player community are, or how every single match can be determined by the slightest mistake of a single player that causes my stress. Or if it's a combination of those factors, but it just simply is too much for me to handle in my current mental state.
I don't know if making this post can help anyone at all, but I hope it can. Just... Try to have fun with playing the game, don't get too invested in whether you win or lose. Be a bit easier on your teammates for mistakes, because you don't know what they might be going through. Maybe they're suffering from some mental illness like I am, and that comment you make could be the one that pushes them over the edge and makes them do something to really hurt themselves. And if you, the one reading this, is like me at all, and suffering from a mental illness. Try to get some help, and try to determine what might hurt and what might help. This game can be incredibly stressful, and it might be a good idea to take a break if it's getting to you.
I'm have no idea how to end this post, especially after I've rambled on like this. Most people probably wouldn't bother to read all this, so maybe a TL;DR? TL;DR: Mental illness is an awful thing, and try not to let your experience in LoL ruin your life. Get help if you need it, and try your best to be patient with teammates. You never know what people are going through.
