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Feedback for my cover letter. (Game Design Internship)

Remixt·1/6/2016, 8:43:00 PM·1 votes·1,403 views

Hey guys, I'm applying for the Game Design internship for this summer and I wanted to see if I could grab some feedback from the community that I've grown to love through the years. I'm open to both negative and positive feedback and I'm serious about this so anything you have to say is appreciated.

Dear Riot,

I’ve done a lot in my short time on this planet. I’ve fixed airplanes, repaired computers, trained soldiers, written manuals, programmed mission critical applications, and saved lives. As a Riot intern I can use all of those skills to overcome any challenge presented this summer and contribute to an amazing game.

I’ve spent nearly my entire life as a gamer. Some would call me obsessed, but those who know me well would say that I’m passionate. League of Legends is one of my favorite games, and I’ve spent hundreds of hours mastering my best champions like Karthas and Lee Sin. I finally reached Diamond this past season after years of practice. When I’m not trying to get Insecs and Pentakills I enjoy playing a ton of other games. I like platformers like Ratchet and Clank, and my favorite game of all time is Kingdom Hearts. Recently I’ve been spending hours building forts in Fallout 4.

Game design has been something I’ve wanted to do for my entire life. I’ve made small games using unity and some board games with java, and I’ve developed several custom programs to improve efficiency in the military. Through my time in the Air Force I’ve honed my ability to think critically with a careful eye. I’m not one to cut corners or miss details, because in my previous line of work that could mean someone might die. I’ve worked on small scale projects alone, and large scale projects with a huge team. I’ve written technical guides and trained people to troubleshoot expensive equipment. With these skills and more I can help Riot continue to be successful. Riots culture is something I’ve been slipping into for a while. I’m a huge fan of the LCS and I watch every match when possible (C9 for life). I even play games every week or so with current employees (Riot Aject). If I ended up in a conversation with Phreak I don’t think we would ever stop throwing puns at each other. While I know a fit isn’t GARENteed I’ve done enough research and mingling to have a very positive outlook on fitting in.

I would appreciate an opportunity to review my qualifications with you personally. Please feel free to contact me at any time with the information above.

3 Comments

ModWuks1/7/2016, 6:08:51 PM1 votes

Greetings Remixt!

First of all, best of luck in your application for the Game Design Riot Games Internship! I've personally applied for the Community Intern position and have so far passed the first stage of applications, so hopefully I can provide some insight here.

I've had some time to quickly skim over your cover letter, and I have a few bits of advice for you:

  1. To start, it's important to ensure that you're spelling names correctly. For instance, you'll want to change "Karthas" to "Karthus" and "Riot Aject" to "Riot Ajeck". The little things do count, especially in a cover letter.
  2. It looks like you put a lot of effort into appealing to culture fit; however, this is only part of what Riot is looking for. You'll want to escape generalities, as you did in the 3rd paragraph, and narrow in on some specifics. This may be a project you've worked on in a group for a company or in a class, etc. The first stage is where you'll want to get their attention to get an interview, and generalities, while they do make a good list, aren't too engaging. Specifics! Some board games with Java? Which games? How did you utilize your technical knowledge to complete those games?
  3. You don't mention "Game Design" or the "Game Design Internship" until the third paragraph. Personally, I find it important to reference this position as soon as possible, ideally in the first paragraph.

Those were just the things that first came to mind when I skimmed your cover letter. For additional feedback on your cover letter, I'd recommend posting in the Riot Careers LinkedIn page! There are a great pool of individuals there who would love to provide their feedback, help you out, and offer you some tips and tricks ;)

Thanks for sharing, and again, good luck on your application!

{quoted}

Hey guys, I'm applying for the Game Design internship for this summer and I wanted to see if I could grab some feedback from the community that I've grown to love through the years. I'm open to both negative and positive feedback and I'm serious about this so anything you have to say is appreciated.

Dear Riot,

I’ve done a lot in my short time on this planet. I’ve fixed airplanes, repaired computers, trained soldiers, written manuals, programmed mission critical applications, and saved lives. As a Riot intern I can use all of those skills to overcome any challenge presented this summer and contribute to an amazing game.

I’ve spent nearly my entire life as a gamer. Some would call me obsessed, but those who know me well would say that I’m passionate. League of Legends is one of my favorite games, and I’ve spent hundreds of hours mastering my best champions like Karthas and Lee Sin. I finally reached Diamond this past season after years of practice. When I’m not trying to get Insecs and Pentakills I enjoy playing a ton of other games. I like platformers like Ratchet and Clank, and my favorite game of all time is Kingdom Hearts. Recently I’ve been spending hours building forts in Fallout 4.

Game design has been something I’ve wanted to do for my entire life. I’ve made small games using unity and some board games with java, and I’ve developed several custom programs to improve efficiency in the military. Through my time in the Air Force I’ve honed my ability to think critically with a careful eye. I’m not one to cut corners or miss details, because in my previous line of work that could mean someone might die. I’ve worked on small scale projects alone, and large scale projects with a huge team. I’ve written technical guides and trained people to troubleshoot expensive equipment. With these skills and more I can help Riot continue to be successful. Riots culture is something I’ve been slipping into for a while. I’m a huge fan of the LCS and I watch every match when possible (C9 for life). I even play games every week or so with current employees (Riot Aject). If I ended up in a conversation with Phreak I don’t think we would ever stop throwing puns at each other. While I know a fit isn’t GARENteed I’ve done enough research and mingling to have a very positive outlook on fitting in.

I would appreciate an opportunity to review my qualifications with you personally. Please feel free to contact me at any time with the information above.