yep im looking for relationship advice in the miscellaneous section on the league website. my life is in the dumpsters.
-25 year old black guy staying with dad. shreveport, louisiana. unemployed.
i think i may be depressed.....
erchlorate6 votesPlay a LOT of video games.
ALthaGreat1 votesman.....if only it were that easy... : '(
Cremepie2 votesPlay the sims Get a Virtual Girl Friend Get Married Cry
DREADN0UGHT3 votesHey man, don't know how long you've been with her but if this your first real heartbreak all I have to say is:
You may think its the end of the world and that nothing will make you get over it. But that ain't true. Go get a job. Get your mind into something. You will meet people. You will get money. Money gets you shit you want, and shit you want makes you happier. And get a hobby. Try learning a new language or something. Don't sink down the depression and anxiety alley, cuz its just a fat juicy turd sandwich to eat anyway. You are the only person who is responsible for your own happiness. Ain't yo dad, ain't yo ex. You m9. 25 is young af. You still have lots of shit to experience. So don't give up on it just yet.
Cheers m8
ALthaGreat1 votesThanks man. Strong words always/really help. !!!! : D
Dessem2 votesSeek help from your local GP or something if you think you may be depressed.
Remember that suicide is never an acceptable answer to confronting the absurdity that is an every day life without meaning.
Burrito882 voteshaha first love is hard because it teaches u all the things u never new in ur heart and mind u will always have those feelings u should choose 2 feel them and always feel glad that u have had them rather then not like everyone says you have 2 move on but dont ever once belive that just becasue she isnt yours anymore that she was never good. always ahve the good memories and try and find someone out there thats better and you will because ur ex is a bitch amirite? Gl bro have fun
ALthaGreat1 voteswow this was really deep.... and man it's really hard to find sum1 better... esp while unemployed....
Burrito882 voteshonestly i know that what u felt with her was prob the best and thers nothign better but u gotta make tha better happend becasue u can because u are better just find what makes u happy for me just knowing what the difference between right and wrong and not commiting the wrong makes me happy. ppl are like oh ur a tool so what douche like i give a fuck waht u think i dont need u cuz im fucking god ez pz wp
ALthaGreat2 voteshm. you made that sound really simple :) lol. ty bro. you're very helpful.
i just hope i can find my way out of this deep hole in...
i guess it starts with changing my mentality!
Oryiah2 votesBreakups always feel like forever. Feels like the pain will never go away. Feels like you will never find anyone like that person again. Feels like no one will ever understand what you are going through. Etc. But give it some time and it will just be a memory. After you allow yourself to be sad, just focus on improving your situation. Get a job and an apartment and soon you will meet someone else. I promise.
BornAgainVirgin2 votesTime heals all wounds
Maximum Morde2 votesBone a fat chick. They are there for rebounding to help you get your confidence back.
ALthaGreat1 votesnaw....i'd feel bad for using someone. I don't want anyone to feel how i have felt... :'(((
PDE5 Inhib2 votesIt's not using if both parties just want sex though. Friends with benefits for the win. Just don't fuck around and get feelings, you'll be stuck in a relationship for going on 5 years now....100% definitely not speaking from experience (insert definitely not Blitzcrank gif here Laughing Fish)
PDE5 Inhib2 votesALthaGreat1 votesoh, also I googled what ssri is/are. thanks i never 100% considered that.
i've tried most of this....but the feelings always come back to haunt me like the worse nightmare i've ever had..... emotionally and subconsciously..
i still exercise, and yea hanging out with friends does help, but sometimes that backfires because i dont wanna be clingy to my friends, they have their own problems and their own life to live.
but family is another thing that keeps me alive emotionally and physically.
PDE5 Inhib2 votesYeah, if you've done all that, it's definitely time for pharmacotherapy lol.
ALthaGreat1 voteslmfao believe me I've had my share of "meds".
PDE5 Inhib1 votesOh? And the first they didn't try an SSRI first? I mean...it's kind of like first line therapy for depression lol.
Faceplow2 votesBest advice I can give you is this I'm 37 and wasn't really into gaming until I found Age of Empires 2 and what online gaming was about, now I'm a hermit who hates social activities and people with a serious online gaming addiction lol.
When I was in my 17-20 age, I had a GF I went seriously ape shit over. Dunno why, but I was. Her family moved 2 hours away and every weekend I'd go up there and spend all the time I could with her. Then she became more and more distant and pretty much was telling me she didn't wanna be with me anymore, but I wasn't listening lol. So, I ended up wasting A LOT of other chances with other girls because I was crazy over this chick. Looking back I was an absolute idiot thinking about all the chicks I could of banged or have been with, but didn't because I spent all my time focusing on being with someone who didn't wanna be with me.
I've known my wife since I was 14. I was crazy about her ever since I laid eyes on her. But, I was with this chick and I had a chance to stop my wife from marrying another guy and I didn't because I was just so obsessed with this chick. So, after my wife got married to an abusive guy and had 2 kids that aren't mine and got a divorce 3 years later and then we finally hooked up and have been together ever since. I'd like to just go back in time and beat my old self with some common sense.
I'd find a way to get over it quick. Don't do like I did and waste so much effort and time into someone who doesn't waste as much effort and time as you do.
I hope you or any of you young pups find this info so helpful. I wish I had someone beat some sense into me 20 years ago.
P.S. Yeah it sounds confusing as I've read it over, lol. But trust me, if you take anything from this, it's DO NOT waste any time over redundant things you have no control over, you will possibly miss out on the best thing that could ever happen to you.
ALthaGreat2 voteswow... this almost brought me to tears. i can definitely relate to this man.................
*signs ..this really hits home with me.... i still think about her everyday i still wish she would text me
i find myself telling myself i know i can fix it and shes probably not even worried about me
idk man. i just dnt know i guess i just have to be strong and hope that your words stick with me... i'll read this again to hopefully get it through my thick skull...
1 800 MID LANE2 votesI've had exes do some pretty messed up things to me. One of them went to a mental hospital and told the doctors that I told her to cut herself. The worst part about that? That's how she broke up with me. (I've been in the self-harm position. I would NEVER wish that or recommend that to ANYONE.)
I've blacked out and woke up in hospitals for seemingly no reason until someone told me I flipped shit after my girlfriend (at the time) broke up with me.
Anyways, the point is that there's always someone who is having similar issues. However, the problem with these feelings of depression is that it will always end up making you feel lower than dirt compared to someone else. It lies to you. It lies so much and in such a convincing manner that it makes a person end up believing that they are alone and that no one wants them around. Here's the most important part: THAT IS A LOAD OF SHIT Do not believe it's lies. Do not let it make you feel worthless, alone, dark, or whatever else. They are, again, lies that are easiest to believe in hard times.
Onto getting past it - I, again like you, am in my early-mid 20s living with my parents. It sucks and that alone is enough to make a person feel like a second-class citizen. It's part of the reason I play video games. They're fun, and I have an odd passion for it that no one seems to understand, but people in them have no idea who I am, where I come from, what I look like, etc. It's a quick and easy escape. I urge you to try it or something you have passion for when things feel too hard. Be careful, though, as it can very well turn into more of an addiction than a healthy, reasonable coping mechanism. Not a physical addiction, but a mental one. Similar to the mental aspect of the common drug and alcohol addictions, one can end up using it as an escape to a point where there is no other way to feel good.
If you truly feel like you have developed a mental illness of some sort such as depression, don't be afraid to seek help for it. Doctors, therapists, hotlines, friends, whatever. Don't be ashamed to ask. I always said the #1 cause of depression is no one to talk to. I realize more and more every day how truthful that really is. I'm talking about face-to-face conversation. Social networks, video games, texting, or phone calls will never replace our natural way of communicating.
ALthaGreat1 votesthanks man. I'm gonna have to re-read this one and take notes. I hope this helps me through this "phase" I'm going through. Sometimes I'm so depressed I don't even know I'm depressed because I have so many coping mechanisms...
theArtifacts2 votesLiquor, League, Left hand.
ALthaGreat1 votesthis actually might be the best advice yet. : )
I chose to stop left hand and save myself for marriage though ...
Anomander2 votesGet up! Get dressed! Look for work 8 hours a day till you find a job.(even if it is crap flipping burgers) Once you find that Job start looking for a career. Never stop bettering yourself. Even if all you do is add 15 min workout daily or read a book for 15 minutes. Focus on what you can do. Focus on bettering yourself and you will see a difference in the rest of your life.
ALthaGreat2 votesThis is probably what i need to hear. I thank you. I just hope I can convince myself to get off league and do this :(((
Anomander2 votes[slayer-pantheon-thumbs]
ALthaGreat2 votes[slayer-pantheon-thumbs] YES I CAN DO THIS!!!!! i believe in myself!! tries best to pump self up*******
ElysMustache2 votesDon't look to a woman to give you meaning in life.
I found that relationships were much easier after I figured what I wanted from life. Women that didn't meet my criteria were much easier to move on from at that point. Selecting a new interest was also easier, as I knew what was worth pursuing.
You should be the one leading, not following.
ALthaGreat1 votesyea i understand where you're coming from..... it's just hard to find the one man...but this thread will hopefully motivate me to get off my a** and try harder!!
RedTao2 votesNot just applicable to women but honestly just don't have an attachment to anything. To have any attachement to anything without the ability or knowledge that one day that thing will not be there anymore is unhealthy for you. If you do find someone you like and they seem to like you too, don't delude yourself that you'll be together forever. Many people do this and when the day comes where he/she/it is gone, you have issues with letting them go. Im not saying dont care about something/someone, just dont be attached to that feeling. Even with you getting over your GF, feel the feelings that come with it. That's natural. Just don't hold on to those feelings. When they've run their course and they're ready to go, let them go. Otherwise you just cause suffering to yourself, and noone want's to suffer.
ALthaGreat1 votesand this is the reason why marriage is pointless in this day and age.
RedTao2 votesMarriage is too tied in to government politics. If it went back to the old ways it'd probably solve a few issues but even then there's no guarentee. While marriage can be a nice thing, it only applies to people who can actually last until the end of their vows. Otherwise it's just a way to destroy people with the rules that are tied into the commitment.
ALthaGreat1 votesIn order for people to make it until the end of their vows....I feel like determination is needed. You can call it unattachment, but I always thought that is what true love was...
RedTao2 votesLove is love, there are no differences. People have become so deluded about the concept of "True love" that when love appears we dismiss it because it's not what we were told it would be. To even try to describe what love is is a mistake. To talk about love is to think too much on it. If it's love, you'll know it. To talk about what love is is to make conditions to make something what it is. It's like when people discuss things like the bible. There will always be people who like to talk about passages in it and ask what it means. Should it be taken literally or is it supposed to be taken figuritivly. Buddhists do this do when they talk about what enlightenment is. You get so caught up in drawing lines in what that something is that when you actually see it, you dont recognize it. Unfortunately most people around the world are victims of this. We have things like disney movies romantisizing true love so much that most people don't recognize love when they see it. So don't ask what love is. You'll know it when you see it.
ALthaGreat1 votesI don't know...I always thought Love was just the willingness to die for someone, but I really like your explanation because you make a really valid point.
RedTao2 votesThat's part of the mistake about talking about what love is. The willingness to die for someone/something is a matter of personal worth and attachment, not love. It can vary from a person, an animal, a building, an idea. This varies from person to person. Just because you love someone/something does not mean it comes with the expectation to die for them. Granted love would be the leading reason that people would choose to die for something, it's not applicable with everything you love. As an example look at addicts. You have some of them who will do all sorts of things to get their fix to the point they're going to kill themselves for it. Do they love it? Maybe, I don't know, but it's something they value enough to die for. Sorry if you know someone or if you yourself is an addict. This was the first comparison that came to mind and I apoligize if this came off as being insensitive.
ALthaGreat1 votesNo that was the perfect example for me because I turned to drugs after my ex. This is the reason they say Love is one of the most powerful drugs. I tried suicide after doing something I regret because of my ex breaking up with me but failed. I've come a long way since then thankfully. I suppose it varies from person to person but I do kinda feel like that is what love is for me....the ultimate sacrifice for your life partner death. (like romeo and juliet)
RedTao2 votesIf that what love is for you, than that's it for you. Just dont make the mistake with talking about what something is supposed to be. If it's love, you'll know it. If you try to talk about what love is for you, then the moment the first word leaves your mouth it's already not that. You can't truly describe what something is to another person to the extent to how you know it. Don't take it the wrong way but the next time you meet someone, don't go into the relationship thinking she'll always be there. I don't mean just she wont be your GF forever, I mean in all things. You may break up, she may leave for a long time, she may die, etc. So many things can happen. If you go into any kind of relationship with the expectation that you'll be together forever, you set yourself up with a difficult time to let things go. Until such a time comes, love her and enjoy your time together.
ALthaGreat1 votesI see what you mean. this seems like a good way to avoid let down. basically its like always underestimating your opponent in league, that way you're never scared to crush them. (sounds silly but my break wrks in funny ways)
or in other words never expect to much out of a person and know nuthin is eternal.
Daddyˆ2 votesReplace her
ALthaGreat1 voteseh. i wanna upgrade not downgrade tho.
ABlueQuaker2 votesidk then bro. Pick up an instrument or some shit. Replace the time and money you used to spend on her with time indulging a hobby.
Between girls I just don't give a f*ck. I don't even look for girls per se. I just do what I want until I actually find someone I want to date. Looking for girls is a futile exercise. I treat even the hottest of women as just some average-looking girl. Develop a fun platonic relationship with her - women just want a guy that's fun to be around. If you actually develop more than just a physical attraction to her, then take her somewhere one-on-one but non-threatening (no movies, no restaurants etc) - just somewhere you can talk one-on-one but suddenly switch to focusing on the activity as soon as anything gets too serious.
ALthaGreat1 votesthis sounds like you running from attachment. but some women don't want attachment. (most*) You're especially right about the the fun part though.
ABlueQuaker2 votesNail her best friend and her sister?
That generally works for me.
ALthaGreat1 votesher best friend i would if i could. her sister isn't hot tho.
Randomonium2 votesEverything in life has cycles. Do you feel sad at the end of an amazing movie because it's over? No, you say "wow, that was an amazing movie while it lasted." The same is true with relationships. No relationship lasts forever. Some will last a day and some will last 60 years but ultimately they will end. It's natural to grieve when that relationship ultimately ends but sooner or later you have to stop focusing on how the relationship ended or how you wished the relationship would have been. Instead, focus on the positives. What was good about the relationship? What did you learn from the relationship? How did you grow as a person? What mistakes did you make and how can you learn from them?
I've been dumped, I've been cheated on, I've even been divorced. But ultimately every relationship I've been in has made me a better man because I've learned from my mistakes. Every relationship has forced me to grow and change into the man I am today, the man that my best friend and wife fell in love with. Turn this break up into a positive and you will eventually find someone a million times better than your ex. It's a long, painful, difficult road but it is so worth it in the end.
ALthaGreat1 voteswow. this is a good way of looking at things :) . thanks man means alot to me....seriously... !!!