My lord, my inspiration. My URF.
I have a special announcement to make. Lately, I have encountered this problem. I feel like I havn't been doing enough with my life, living as I really should. I feel like i was born in the wrong body, so I've decided that its time to get back to my roots.
Yes my friends, I have decided to become...
Look at that smooth gray fur and those sumptuous rolls of fat. It took one viewing of this most magnificent meandering mammal to convince me of my true future. However, in my goal, it seems I have encountered an issue. You see, long ago, others have attempted something similar.
I will now share the mysteries I have uncovered concerning this bounteous specimen of mammalian order. In ancient times this particular being. Urf, was believed so beautiful that young maidens throughout the world were stricken with envy. Their men would look at them no longer, their eyes stolen by his gratuitous giving and parsimonious pomp.
Their jealousy only growing beyond their then known bounds, they attempted a most vile and verbal coup. They named these proud beings, these mountainous manatees mermaids.
They did this so that through sharing a similar name, they might gain the lost adoration of their besotted menfolk. When this failed to work they took to copying the forms of the very creatures they envied. Frolicking in waters in nothing but wearing naught but their birthdays suits and a dress of algae, they caused many shipwrecks amongst the unsuspecting men. Cruelly distracted they ran aground, slack of mouth and googly of eyes.
And thus was born the myth of the siren. But I get ahead of myself, this is about the fate of the manatee, not the dreaded demise of countless sailors.
You see, the women succeeded in their villainous venture, but failed to consider the consequences of their actions. Rather, not the consequences, but who they would effect. For you see, they had merely to clothe themselves to disguise their nature from that of the siren, while manatee across the world had no recourse to their own bewitching appearance. Lacking thumbs or the ability to wear pants, they wallowed in exile throughout most of history.
Not wishing to cast such a fate upon the very thing I admire, (For would not their legend only grow upon my unveiling to the world?) I have decided, instead, to change my goal.
Indeed, my new idol in life, the one closest to the appearance of the manatee is who I seek to emulate, while still retaining my human vestments.
Yes my friends, I have decided to become...
(Better Nerf Teemo)