So, I give up.

Obviously, I'm not meant to be happy -- especially while playing this game (or any game, really). Any champion I enjoy is just fucking pathetic, my teams always have a collective IQ that would make a stick look intelligent, and gaming as a whole is just so fucking bent on greed that any semblance of quality is just gone.

Being just one non-whale in the entirety of it all... I just have to wonder why I even bother hoping for the sunshine. All those companies overrun with blood-sucking suits don't give a damn about what I think, and they certainly won't be funneling resources into allowing developers to really show their passion in their work, so why do I keep demonizing F2P / DLC / companies as a whole and complaining about things like a lack of balance? All it does is make me look like some bitter old man, and accomplishes nothing.

So, yeah, League is totally borked in terms of balance -- but then, it always has been and always will be. That's just how things work in an F2P company, since perfect balance would lose them a lot of money in the long run.

Ever since I was little, I loved gaming, since it was like a book that I was taking part in, or a window to another world where I could do things that are impossible in reality, and go on grand adventures. Now, gaming isn't any of those things. Everything is so formulaic and similar that you just don't really get absorbed into the world anymore, and there isn't really any immersion. This MMO over here? Yeah, it's just a gameplay clone of this one over here, but with a fresh coat of paint. The overall quality is piss-poor, but it's just a cash grab anyway. MOBAs are a dime a dozen, and they're all basically the same thing (with equally poor craftsmanship). Games are just all the same shitty copies of other games that did well back in the day -- nothing new has come out of the industry in a long time now, and only tiny indie companies who don't have the resources to really do anything even try to innovate.

I guess I just miss the way things used to be, where people actually cared about what they did, and did it because they loved it... not just because they could make money through it. But, things aren't that way anymore, especially in entertainment, so I guess there's no use in crying over it.

So, in League, I enjoy the champs who have a bit more mechanical complexity to them (and I prefer champs with a happy, silly personality). When I beat someone as Teemo by baiting them all over mushrooms, blinding them right when they're about to burst me, and kiting around minions to block skillshots... it feels good, I feel like I deserve to win. But, unfortunately, Teemo just kind of gets stomped on by a good portion of the roster. Sure, I can play someone like LB or Kat, I can play Trist or Jinx, I can play Naut or Yi, and I win -- easily, too -- but I just don't feel like I really deserve to win. I don't try to do anything, I don't try to out-think people, I just mash buttons and win, and it feels wrong; I feel dirty, like I'm cheating somehow. When I complain about that fact, people just tell me to play what wins, rather than what's fun -- and I hate that thought so fucking much... but that's the thought pattern in most of gaming these days, and that's why fun is becoming less and less prevalent in the industry, being replaced by instant gratification and easy winning.

But, you know, making people feel better about themselves because they won is how you make money, so that's what companies will focus on -- quality be damned, income is everything these days.

Now I sit and watch as gaming slowly dies, despite people claiming it's bigger than ever. Even companies like Nintendo, who long stood as one of the only companies who actually gave a damn, is turning to greed, getting into F2P games, DLC and all that. My last hope in the industry is now gone, and I watch all these games go past that I just have no interest in playing, since I know they'd be pathetic and shallow. I log into League every day, and even though I can't stand it half the time, I keep playing, because I have nothing else to do. No other games worth playing, and nothing to do outside of gaming (that takes up a lot of time).

So, yeah, I give up. I give up on finding a game I really love again, I give up on ever amounting to anything in League, I give up on being happy, I give up on people becoming less greedy... I just give up on everything. I'll just go through the motions day after day like a zombie, and that'll be it. Fun life society's gone and created, huh?

I wonder who's cruel idea of a joke it was to put me in a world that shuns me and where I can't find enjoyment in anything. But, that's life, I suppose. I just wish things didn't turn out like they did.