"Kill Yourself": The Phrase and the Harm it Does [Please Read]

AvianWing·3/2/2015, 3:06:40 PM·160 votes·13,268 views

**Edit: First off, I want to say thank you for all the encouraging and kind comments!! Secondly, to clarify, this is not a problem with the suicidal people themselves, but more so with the people who SAY these things. In my opinion, there is no reason, NONE at all, to use these words in the first place. The post is to raise awareness about the aggressors, not to raise sympathy for thr victims. Third, this is not a true story down to the tee. However, one of my best friends will never be online again due to suicide. Verbal abuse was not the sole reason, but it played a major part in his final decision. Lastly, this is a discussion thread, not an argument thread. If you're coming here to tell me to kill myself for writing this, or to further prove my point, I can't stop you from posting, but if your intention is to get attention, you are getting none from me. -Vampric

Online Bullying Series: Post 1 "Kill Yourself" A boy comes home from school one day, after being bullied senselessly by his classmates. His parents scold him for having bad grades. He throws his bag on the floor and sulks upstairs to his bedroom, and flips his laptop open. Hateful messages from school peers come up and he closes his social media accounts. The boy logs onto a video game. Its the only thing he feels he's good at, and he calls it his safe haven. He plays poorly, and is ashamed and embarrassed for letting his team mates down. Then, others start making fun of him. Calling him names. And telling him to uninstall his game. He mutes them. But the words are imprinted in his brain. At the end of the game, he sees the chat, and the words "Kill Yourself" are sitting there. The boy hears his father screaming at his mother. He hears his baby brother crying. He rereads. And rereads. He looks at his match history, and he tells himself everything that the bullies told him. Im worthless. I'm stupid. Then the phrase returns. But this time in first person. Kill myself. ... One week later, the forums are buzzing. The news is reporting. The friends are grieving. The abused boy is dead. ... How would you feel to be charged with his suicide. How would you feel to have to tell his family and friends why their son wil never wake up again. What would you say. "He sucked so he deserved it." I doubt you'd say that. I doubt you would. ... So think before you type. You dont know who you're talking to. You dont know the extent of your words. Words are weapons, people. And you could be the one to pull the trigger on the boy or girl you never even knew. You're not safe behind a screen. Nobody is safe behind a username. Think, people.

This is my first post of a series against online abuse. I hope this one, and the others to come will make an impact in the community. -Vampric

170 Comments

Tsugaga3/2/2015, 3:27:05 PM35 votes

It's sad that you've even been down voted for this. Most people are immature, and very few people actually think about how their words affect someone. Toxic is someone who rages, says he team is useless, purposely feeds, and is basically an immature and selfish player. Telling someone to kill themselves is way worse than being a toxic player, that's just being cruel and inhuman. The problem is a lack of empathy and care, some people who tell others to kill themselves probably really mean it and don't care if they actually did kill themselves, and this is all over a game, very sad. But really it's never 100% the fault of the immature player, they were obviously raised wrong, as are 95% of humans.

I do think Riot should add a system that flags games where things such as "kill yourself" are said, and then get reviewed. Someone who says this should be perma banned. Considering many other sites are integrating anti suicidal tools/systems, it would make sense for one of the most popular games which is notoriously toxic to have a system for it.

Le Dauphin3/2/2015, 4:47:49 PM32 votes

I was thinking about toxic players the other day, and the one thing that kept coming to mind was cowardly bullies, using the anonymity of the internet to let out their disgusting inner self.

Imagine playing a pick-up basketball game at the park, and perhaps someone on your team isn't very good and keeps missing easy shots. Would you tell them to never play basketball again? Berate them for every mistake? Tell them to kill themselves?

I always hear "you just need to mute / have thicker skin". Is it really the other player that needs to deal with the toxicity?

I don't think anyone would be surprised if the toxic player was banished and never allowed to play again. I also think most people wouldn't be acting that way in the first place if they had to say it in person.

Also, a half-joking suggestion: if after reviewing logs, a player is found to be undeniably toxic, require their mother to send in an ID and contact information, so further poor behavior can be reported directly to them. Ban them until this is received and verified. For further offenses, only the mother can unlock their account. No exceptions for any age; the shame of a 30 year old adult being chewed out by their 55 year old mother might actually change something.

Chortle3/2/2015, 11:08:32 PM17 votes

like what happened to not being a dick?

People go online and think it's okay to act tough and be a shitter....

Your actions have repercussions

Nucleophilic atk3/2/2015, 8:25:00 PM15 votes

I'm not even going to argue that online bullying is ok. I will say this, however. If you are in that fragile of a mental state, you should at least be intelligent enough not to play a game that is known for it's shit community.

Black Star 12993/3/2015, 3:40:41 AM11 votes

Man, after looking at most of the comments, this is sad.

The Mute button does not exist to make it so that we can forget about toxic players. It only exists so that people don't have to listen to further raging and useless comments, which can most times be really tempting to reply back too.

The Mute button does not delete toxic players, it just mutes them.

WE NEED TO DELETE TOXIC PLAYERS. (Delete as in remove them from the community)

This community needs to improve, and the mute button is only a temporary solution in a game.

Just don't try to be big, fat jerks, it's a horrible idea too...

Eleshakai3/3/2015, 5:26:32 PM9 votes

I'm not going to try to reply to indiviual posts because at this point the issue has become so muddied that it is irrelevent... so I'll just share my own take on the whole thing.

First of all, until I hit high school and the bullies and jocks realized that I was willing to help them not fail(tutoring/etc. - not just 'doing their homework for them') I was heavily bullied. I developed some pretty severe emotional issues that I don't think anyone who knew me in person really knew about. I was actually suicidal twice. I've been there. To all of the people saying 'if someone is so weak', you've never been there. Committing suicide isn't about being weak. Committing suicide is about losing hope. It actually takes a tremendous amount of strength to go through with it, there is NOTHING quite as hard as making the leap from thinking about ending it to ACTUALLY ending it - the 'weak ones' are the ones who refuse to do it. Like me. I was too weak. And I am SO grateful that I was so weak at those moments, because it gave the people who care for the chance to help me.

Fortunately, over the past decade I've been able to work through those issues. Thanks to a few really good friends - people I met online either in various gaming communities or through other online communities - and mostly to my wife, who I also met online and have now been married to for 9 years, I've overcome a lot of that. But the people who saved my life - the people who prevented me from doing it had nothing but words to use to save me. One of the best friends I've ever had, who has sadly been taken from us by medical issues, and the woman who is now my wife... they were both people I had never met in person at that time... just online. Yet they, using just those words, gave me the motivation to live. If words have the power to save, I see no reason why they wouldn't also have the power to hurt, or even kill, someone.

Never underestimate how powerful simply expressing yourself can be, whether positive or negative. Not everyone is equally impacted by things like this, but I'd wager the majority are affected to some degree or another. I see it all the time. I frequently talk people through anger issues or help them realize that they're letting the game get to them too much... and in a one on one setting, by choosing my words carefully I have helped several people who others branded as toxic to realize that they don't have to treat others that way, that they don't have to let the game get to them like that. Words DO have power.

But that's not what this is about... this is about how wrong it is for people to tell others to end their lives. Everyone's approached this from the selfless perspective... the morality of telling someone to kill themselves... and, let's be fair, the people saying this probably don't care about that too much. So here... I'll give you the selfish perspective: This person that you don't know could be the person who goes on to be the researcher who comes up with the cure for the terminal disease you yourself contract 15 years from now. Every life has the potential to be the one that saves yours some day down the line... why would you ever tell someone to snuff that possibility out? It's just pure and utter stupidity. So be selfish, and be nice to others so that they may someday go on to help you.

To everyone saying 'muting fixes' - it doesn't. Mute is a bandaid. The damage is done, and only time will heal it. Muting just stops them from making it worse, and it reduces the likelihood that you'll reciprocate and hurt others... but the damage has already been done. And if a person is already damaged... that last bit of pain may be the final straw that gives them the strength they need to end matters. Whether they mute you or not. Whether you ever know it or not.

BerserkInferno3/3/2015, 3:43:52 AM8 votes

We need more people to realize this in League. So what, you lost a game. It's not a big deal, no need to be abusive over it.

MillForMe3/3/2015, 3:28:36 AM8 votes

I'm actually very sad about some of these comments. To the people who state how to deal with trolls as if it is common sense.

Not everyone is equipped with the tools necessary to handle these situations. Some people don't learn how to handle bullies. Some people don't learn how to deal with negative comments aimed at them. You guys are living under the pretense that self confidence, problem solving, and learning to deal with terrible situations are things that are DEFINITELY taught to everyone. They are not. These aren't things that can be taught in a class. They are things that take a long time to learn. Yes it sucks that some people can't handle a bully, or a phase like "kill yourself." But that's a fact, they can't handle it. Responding with "Just mute them" doesn't solve all the issues they are dealing with when they have a troll. It's too late to say they SHOULD be able to handle it, because at the moment, they can't. At that moment, someone is trying to hurt them, and they are not equipped with the skills to handle it. Saying what you think should happen in an ideal situation doesn't matter if the situation isn't ideal. We're talking about handling all possibilities. You don't look at a 15 year old kid who can't read and blame the kid for not being able to read. At most, you're sad for them, normally. This is the same thing.

Pastramka3/3/2015, 5:43:25 PM7 votes

Stop the promotion of this kind of harassment to insensitive trolls.

This is the second post this moth on this forums with this topic, I think its doing more promoting than raising awareness.

This is not something a random dude on the internet should compose a post about, Psychologists often have debates for what the best approach on raising awareness on stuff like this is, just for the reason it can so often back fire.

Just like SWAT-ing, the popularity raised with every news report on TV until couple of people ware really hurt by SWAT-ing.

If ur not qualified to write about this topic - don't start at all.

Mahautsukai3/3/2015, 12:04:53 AM5 votes

Bullying is cowardly and pathetic. Abusing others to cover your own insecurities and mistakes is also such. As mentioned around there are tools about to help people deal with the situation. I disagree that means the existence of those tools mitigates the responsibility and failure of the abuser. That said, words are not weapons. They are guttural sounds that as a society agree have a common meaning. They have no power, they are not magical incantations. There are no Dovalkin. Telling someone to kill themselves is completely inappropriate. In the OP's example though, that was a last straw of people who were complacent in the harming of the child, it would be more likely that the parents the example would have to answer too did more of the harm, if not them, definitely his classmates.

aaronconlin3/3/2015, 3:18:00 AM5 votes

This, along with using Autism and Down's Syndrome as insults.

PlaguedWings3/3/2015, 7:36:03 AM4 votes

The first place imo that we need to focus on toxicity wise is the forums. No one is getting anything done with this massive, toxic, circle jerk that if you're posts/comments aren't within the norm of complaints, you're treated as an outcase. This didn't happen on the old forums. In fact, I spent more time there than I did in game. That's become so reverse as people just willingly downvote because they don't agree (which isn't even the USE of the downvote. Take to Reddit for the correct usage, guys, it's where it comes from). We need to stop thinking that we're some kind of elite and that we know the game better than anyone else ever. We're always complaining about the same viable champs, about Lee Sin, about whatever. How about, we take it up with interesting ideas that don't get shot down because the community doesn't agree?

I'll support you in wanting to make an impact, but I feel as though we should start here and start making it be known that even if we're not aware of the toxicity, it's there and strong. There's nothing you can do about the in game toxicity. People are competitive, we get into the mood and we don't stop. The slightest fuck up will make us lose less and less of our patience. It happens to everyone. What we can do is tell new players to mute anyone who even bothers to be remotely negative towards anything. Period, I don't even care if it's a "This champ is sucking at last hitting". Hit that mute button.

I maybe low elo, but I've really turned around how toxic I used to be. It wasn't until the chat bans that I noticed this. It's not too late for everyone, but it's too late for most as they go unpunished no matter the amount of reports because they think they don't deserve it. If Riot wants to make a stale game, let them. But, for the love of God, do not ruin the experience of being completely new to a wonderful, beautifully drawn world with characters that interact with it. Please, don't be that diamond smurf who verbally abuses low leveled players or low elo players because they didn't solo drag at 3 minutes.

It's really sad to see a game like this turn both bad on the company side and the community side. Who cares if they wanna go Urgot mid, Leona top, Vlad jungle, Mundo and Garen bot. You should let them enjoy themselves before this game completely rots and becomes worthless. All games do, and as this game nears it's old age, we should just let people be people and play a game how they want. Isn't that why we have games that allows you to do multiple things? To play how you want? Sounds like it to me.

Great post, by the way.

JuhnZeiFox3/3/2015, 12:05:12 AM4 votes

I started being bullied when I was young and soon started using my brain to make all my bullies feel bullied or just making any comment they made into a joke. "Go kill yourself" I respond with " sorry but tower diving isnt my thing maybe you could go first" some tells you to be quite you respond with "hmmm I'll think about it after I win the game"... you own teammates are being airheads and flamming/feeding respond with the ever funny "I didnt know you could play trundle so well."


what people say doesn't matter it's what you make of what they have said that matters

use the brain you were given and the education you have to make witty banter of bullies. and if you cant do that you can always mute them.

Metalrichdog3/2/2015, 11:51:45 PM4 votes

Somebody actually was charged for their language and was forced to go to jail for it. Fact is, if you cyberbully others, it can be prosecuted.

Stephenizgod3/3/2015, 9:03:52 AM4 votes

The saddest thing is they absolutely do not care at all whether the person actually does it or not. Deep down they probably mean it too because they are too immature to understand the implications and consequences of their words. Not saying they are innately bad people, but the internet does that to them, they are fooled into thinking its not reality. In a video game that allows it, i will kill innocents and destroy things for fun, but i would never do that in real life because that is not something i think is fun in reality. This is a smaller scale of that, they don't see their online interactions as real and, while they would never say something like that in person, they see no problem in doing it through a computer. Its just a sick twisted part of the human mind, specially for younger kids who don't know any better and teens/adults who have troubled childhoods.

I have noticed since i started playing at the start of season 3 that there has been a large increase in Toxic players and i think i know a few reasons why. First this one is simple, everyone is trying to out-insult each other. So we go from something like "noob" (remember when that use to be an actual insult? now its just a joke), which eventually loses it sting, to "kill yourself" which is currently one of the worst thins to say to someone. Pretty soon "kill yourself" will be a joke compared to what they come up with next. A possible second reason is that as people get better at the game they start to get more confident in their skills and start to see more the mistakes of others. This creates a mental state of "I know what should be done so why doesnt everyone else?" Then you come to the delusion you are just superior and when one person thinks they are superior to another "natural-hate" is born (very similar to racism). Then a third reason would be a lot of the less toxic people gave up on league when the majority became too toxic for them. I know a lot of people who only use the boards because they love League but hate the player-base so refuse to actually play.

Overall this Community is not bad, but in game where its competitive, specially in Ranked, people tend to just forget themselves and forget that they are speaking to a fellow human being. These people need to remember that other players are humans, they are not your inferior, they are not garbage/trash/worthless, they deserve to live just the same as you, and at the end of the day you have accomplished nothing by being toxic except to hurt yourself.

QueenAqua3/3/2015, 9:29:43 AM4 votes

Vampiric, just gonna say it. THANK YOU. A lot of negative feedback saying that this situation isn't realistic, but any person who has been on the brink of suicide knows that this scenario is very much possible. I can't even count how many times this game has brought me back from the edge when nice people tell me i did something good or half-way decent and while it is rare for me in particular, I have had players like this who harassed me and pushed me past my limit when I already felt worthless and helpless. The only thing is, for me, when i get pushed past the point, I have someone to bring me back and has done so many times. A lot of people don't have that, so Vampiric I'll say it again. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. It's comforting to know that there are people like you out there trying to make a difference.

P.S. I won't respond to anyone who comments on this, so save yourself some time and just don't. I don't need your judgement or for people to tell me how "stupid it is to let a game push you to that point". The people who type this stuff are real people and for all you know, it could be your high school sweetheart or former best friend typing these things to you and even if its a total stranger, these are still people typing these things, another person telling you you are worthless and don't deserve to live.

gr8job3/3/2015, 6:30:59 PM4 votes

We actually had this problem at work. And of course the girls who made this their favorite phrase joked about how our boss was being "stupid" and "lame" for attempting to correct their behavior. They said it in a sarcastic manner, but at pretty much everything. Over and over. Drop a piece of ice-- kill yourself. Bump into them-- kill yourself. Do your makeup well-- kill yourself. Then a coworker killed themself, and it wasn't funny. It's really an awful joke. If you want to be rude, go tell someone to step on a Lego. It's a pain we can all relate to and understand, but it's also not morbid and just disgusting.

SexySett3/3/2015, 1:13:13 AM3 votes

Just keep calm, mute them, and report. Sadly we can't send screen shots because that's "name shaming". I think bullies DESERVE to be shamed, but hey that's the rule. :/

Orders3/3/2015, 1:30:42 AM3 votes

It's really sad to see people act in such a terrible way towards others online. I sympathize with them that there are bad players but there is absolutely no need to insult and berate them to that point.

I guess the internet does remove social standards to which many abide by in everyday life.

Hell Week3/3/2015, 9:36:05 PM2 votes

Bro as hard as you try to change this community, you won't. The majority of people here are pretty immature, they don't think before they act. They don't care either, everything has to be about THEM. I'm pretty (100%) sure the majority of ranked players are either silver or bronze, for that same reason. I'm bronze 1 myself, only played 11 matches and i've won 8. If i really focused on ranked matches i'm certain i can reach gold in no time, but i have more important stuff to do in real life than grinding looses not made by my own hand. Don't do this to yourself man, as long as you're part of that small minority of positive players, that should make you happy that you're trying to make a change. :) I know i won't try to change people anymore, that's for sure...they will only change if they commit themselves to do it. That is once they grow up of course.

Aww Kat3/3/2015, 8:06:32 PM2 votes

just stop

SGT SWAGLE3/3/2015, 9:17:29 PM2 votes

I support the op's post its funny we have a thread to talk about stopping people from being so crude and they all come here to fight us lol.

In any case its good for the community to let others know we don't like this kind of smack talk and even though people may do it anyways we can let them know it's not welcome.