How do people make friends?

Niyumi·Jul 15, 2017·2 votes·471 views

There must be something I'm missing. Never had friends or even so much as been on a date (I'm halfway through 23 now) -- and I'm really just sick of being alone.

So what's the secret?

18 Comments

EschetonJul 15, 20171 votes

Fear.

NiyumiJul 15, 20171 votes

Well, I'm like the most non-intimidating person in the world, so I don't think I can make anyone afraid of anything. :P

Besides, I wouldn't call someone that hangs around you because they're afraid of you a friend.

archerno1Jul 15, 20171 votes

You need to get off your chair and get out.

NiyumiJul 15, 20171 votes

See, I do though. I go to work almost every day, and I get out of the house any opportunity I have -- whether that's going to the farmer's market on the weekend, or going grocery shopping, or anything.

TS MediaJul 15, 20171 votes

Lol, talk to people more. I've never taken the initiative for gaining friends. People always ask for my number and message me. It's what you do after that determines whether that person becomes your friend or not. It's all about how you keep in contact or if you even try to keep in contact. If someone has to keep messaging you etc, then it might come off as you not having any interest in being anything more than acquaintances and might deter them from seeking a closer relationship.

I don't have many friends myself. In fact, I throw the term around so loosely, I can more than 100% say that I don't exactly have any true friends. But I DO have acquaintances that hang on the edge of being friends. I'm one of few people that enjoy my alone time more than spending time with people. I like watching netflix and reading books and hate when people drag me out of my comfort zone -- but I have no choice since I still need human contact. My CLOSEST friend, to be honest, I met on a game called fiesta 10 years ago. We play different games and just hop in skype/discord to talk every now and again. I've met even more people through internet gaming than I have in real life. We haven't even MET yet, but we do plan on it. It's mostly me just lacking money going through college to take a trip up to his at this point.

Not to mention I've met more people through him and my acquaintances over the net have grown. It's to the point where I'm actually a close friend to even his family members. We've bought each other games etc as well, as well as lend money to one another when it was needed and always pay each other back. Some times we scrap the debt. You just have to put yourself out there. I have made one friend in the last 2 years of college and I'm content with that.

There's no secret to making friends. Do what you love and meet people who also do what you love, and you'll naturally make friends. I love playing volleyball and basketball, as well as video gaming. I joined the game club in my college and made acquaintances there that invite me to play games every now and again. I found a local basketball court and always look out for when people start balling and join in. I've made acquaintances there. I do volleyball tournies at my college and made acquaintances there. Just make sure you talk to people and if THEY don't ask for your number, make sure to hint at it to see if they ask for, or look for THEIR hints at it and you be the first to bring it up.

Things like, "It was fun, lets do it again some time" or anything involving a second time meeting or see you around are HUGE hint droppers. I don't know if this was just a meme post or if you're serious, but that's just my 2 cents. Coming from one socially dysfunctional human being to another.

NiyumiJul 15, 20171 votes

I do run across people on the internet every now and then, but they always just up and disappear. I played WoW for 14 years, and about the time near middle of WOTLK to Cata's launch, I was in basically the only guild I had ever been in in any MMO. It was a small guild, only about 30 people, but those people made the game so much more fun. We all had each other's phone numbers and would play more than just WoW together, but eventually everyone just started disappearing, and before I knew it that guild wasn't a thing anymore, and no one talked to each other.

Same thing happens in reality: I have no issue talking to people, and people will act friendly towards me, but then they disappear.

You know, I don't know that I'd call it social dysfunction though. I have zero issue talking to people, and I'm generally friendly and upbeat, don't really notice myself acting differently than other people. There's just something about me that makes people avoid me if they can help it, but act nice if they have to talk to me.

JQKAndreiJul 15, 20171 votes

Be authentic.

Do what you love, be good at it, be informed. Have goals, projects, dreams.

Care more about yourself than others and people will come to you.

NiyumiJul 15, 20171 votes

{quoted}

Be authentic.

Do what you love, be good at it, be informed. Have goals, projects, dreams.

People have always called me very sincere, and I don't let anyone or anything else change who I am, so I'm pretty sure I'm good at being authentic.

Care more about yourself than others and people will come to you.

This part though, I think I have issues with. I'm like the poster figure for bleeding hearts: I care too much about everyone and everything and can't even hurt a fly without feeling awful about it for the rest of the day. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. :P

JQKAndreiJul 16, 20171 votes

It's not a bad thing, it's just that people don't find it attractive.

In the end you could just stay the way you are and you'll find someone eventually.

Or maybe get to know more people.

SEKAIJul 15, 20171 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q3jApEw0YA

Read the lyrics (and listen the song). If you got time, watch the anime which it is from too, it's called "Barakamon" (it's roughly translated to "An easygoing person" in a local Japanese dialect). The series' synopsis is about a stoic and overly prideful calligrapher going to the countryside to learn to appreciate other people and things and ended up making friends.

Basically: Friendship and relationships, like arguments and fights, are naturally occurring things in human interactions. But as long as you're true to yourself, and also aren't full of yourself, relationship kinda just happens.

Though one might also need to get the right chance too, so don't miss out on opportunities when you see one.

But ayy.

NiyumiJul 15, 20171 votes

Ha, I wish it were that easy. I've never been anything but myself, and I'm really not an ass about things, but I've always been alone.

I hear people talk about me (when they don't think I hear them), and they always sound kind of intimidated, even though I'm one of the nicest people you'd ever meet.

The ÖutcastJul 15, 20171 votes

If you want to get some friends, there's a lot of people I know that are friendly and would love to get to know anyone.

Siegfriedx1Jul 15, 20171 votes

Sometimes if you are surrounded by bad people it's not you who have the problem.

You will get tons of friends being nice to people that are nice!

NiyumiJul 15, 20171 votes

Oh I'm not surrounded by bad people, a good portion of the people I'm around every day are generally decent. But even way back in school, people seemed to avoid me. They'd be nice if I ever talked to them, but disappear as quickly as they could afterwards -- donno what the issue is. Happens online too.

AMADEUSdotEXEJul 15, 20171 votes

Go outside. Say hi. Worst thing they can tell you is "fuck off"

Rand0mH3r0XJul 16, 20171 votes

I struggled making friends when I was younger. I started by having one friend, then made friends with his friends, and made friends with their friends. Eventually I had an infectious network of people that I knew, and when I graduated High School everybody personally knew me, and I was a stranger to nobody.

Then I got to University, and I don't see people for more than 6-7 weeks, so I don't bother remembering names. It's either Brett, Hunter, Zack or some variation of "ka" like Katy, or Mikayla, or Michelle.

My advise to you is, don't be yourself if you're awkward. If you want to have a strong circle of friends, you want to be a person that you yourself would want to be friends with. Be that person. Don't listen to what someone else repeats.

As far as being 23 and trying to make a single friend now, I have no clue. I would say that your environment is a large factor.

NiyumiJul 16, 20171 votes

{quoted}

My advise to you is, don't be yourself if you're awkward. If you want to have a strong circle of friends, you want to be a person that you yourself would want to be friends with.

See, I would want to be friends with someone like me though. I'm awkward as all hell, I can be really quiet around people I don't know, I'm a little judgmental (inwardly), and I have problems trusting people... but I genuinely care about people, I know when someone is feeling down and I try to help them feel better, I couldn't hurt anyone or anything, I don't hold grudges, and I have good morals.

I don't think I'm a bad person, but I guess I'm the only one who has that opinion.

I would say that your environment is a large factor.

I live right outside Seattle, which is one of the biggest cities in the country. If there aren't any people that want to be around me here... then I don't know why I bother.

Rand0mH3r0XJul 16, 20171 votes

See, I would want to be friends with someone like me though

Someone like you is asking the same question you are right now, though. You have to break the cycle in order to get out.

I don't know much about Seattle or Washington.

Just try to get to know some people at social gatherings. If you cast a large enough net, you're bound to get some friends. Don't get caught in a abusive relationship with someone though.