Boards›[ARCHIVED] Miscellaneous

The 95 Theses of LoL

Limitanei·9/7/2015, 11:27:50 PM·16 votes·1,127 views

Call me Martin Luther, 'cuz I've got some shit to pick with Riot atm, in no particular order. Here we go.

1: Riven. Fix her. 2: Vayne. Fix her. 3: Poppy. Fix her. 4: Yoric. Rework him. 5: Replay mode. No explanation needed. 6: Encouragement. Reward kind, friendly, teamworking players. 7: Toxicity. Punish toxic players. (As in, players with LEGIT reports, not just a guy who said "shut up" in all chat) 8: Runes. Make them free. 9: T1 and T2 Runes. Get rid of them. 10: Chroma skins. Make Chroma skins obtainable from mastering a Champion. 11: Player enjoyment. Buff/nerf champs based on player feedback, not the current state of the LCS. 12: Kassadin. Give him a GOOD skin. 13: CertainlyT. Somebody make him play one of his dreadful "creations" so he can see the kind of shit he makes. 14: The Tribunal. Bring it back. 15: The report system. Fix it. 16: Garen. Nerf him. 17: Skarner. Nerf him. 18: Mordekaiser. Nerf him. 19: Darius. Nerf him. 20: Galio. Buff him. 21: Gangplank. Nerf him. 22: Fiora. Nerf her. 23: Zilean. Buff him. 24: Urgot. Buff him. 25: Quinn. Buff her. 26: Kennen. Show him some love. 27: Kayle. Fix her, jungle Kayle is the only way she's viable. 28: Zac. Buff him. 29: Taric. Rework him. 30. Icons. Implement an option for custom Summoner icons, or make more icons to purchase. 31: Yasuo. Fix him. 32: Draven. Show him some love. 33: Support champs. Make some viable, Janna and Thresh only is getting boring. 34: Sona. Buff her. 35: West server. You operate the most popular videogame on Earth, don't tell me you "can't afford" to do it. 36: Tutorials. Make the current one(s) better, or create more. 37: LoL subreddit. Throw a can of Neosporin in there. Toxic af. 38: "Exclusive" skin stuff. Don't do bullshit like this. cough First Strike PROJECT cough 39: Towers. Buff them, early level tower dives are outrageous. 40: Refunds. Give us more after a long(ish) period of time, 3 per account is not enough. 41: Bard. Buff him. 42: Shen. Rework him. 43: Cinematics. Give us more plis. 44: LoL movie. We all know you're waiting to see if the WoW movie does well before you try it. Take it from Shia and JUST DO IT. 45: Bans. Give us 1 per player, 6 total is not enough. 46: Aatrox. Show him some love. 47: Talon. Show him some love too. 48: Lore. Bring back the old lore, 2 sentences per champ is stupid. 49: Zed x Syndra. Ship it. 50: Talon x Cassiopeia. Ship it as well. 51: Ezreal and Taric. SHIP IT TO MOTHERFUCKING TIMBUKTU. 52: Lore events. Make more, the Bilgewater event was fantastic. 53: Kassadin. Give him some more stuff to say. 54: Malzahar. Give him some more stuff to say as well. 55: Poppy. Give her more stuff to say. 56: Graves. If he is nearly killed by an enemy's ultimate ability, make him say "Close, but no cigar.". 57: Hidden passives. Give us more. 58: ^ Malzahar (For the Void!) vs. Kassadin (For Valoran!) 59: ^ Twisted Fate and Graves. (Buddies.) 60: ^ Miss Fortune (Bountyhunting) vs. Gangplank (On The Run) 61: ^ Shen vs. Zed (Final Clash) 62: ^ Viktor vs. Jayce (Pave The Way!) 63: ^ Ezreal and Taric. (Truly Outrageous.) 64: ^ Kayle vs. Morgana. (Bitter Sisters) 65: ^ Diana (Fight for the Night) vs. Leona (Fight for the Light) 66: ^ Ashe vs. Sejuani/Lissandra. (War for the Freljord) 67: Baker Pantheon. Make it so. 68: Katarina. Rename her "Kitty Cat Katarina" to "Kitty Katarina". 69: AI mode. Improve the AI or give us something more difficult than "Intermediate". 70: Teemo. Make him the standard unit of measurement for LoL, not "one game distance unit". 71: Riot. Give Riot Repertoir a raise or a cookie, he knows what the fuck he's doing. 72: Bilgewater. Give us the option of using the Bilgewater announcer/music in the game, that stuff was dope. 73: Gangplank. If he is nearly killed by an enemy's ability, make him say "Give me an orange and I'll be K." 74: Kalista. Fix her. 75: Turkish server. I see all that DDoS'ing and drophacking going on. Fix that shit. 76: Voice chat. Don't do it. In-game chat is poisoning my screen enough. 77: Patch notes. Give a brief rundown to every player upon logging in. 78: LoL terms. Have an in-game dictionary for those people who are new/have no idea what they mean. ("Gank", "backdoor", "teamfight", etc.) 79: Pool Party skins. I demand one for Vayne, Katarina, Orianna, Lux, and Ahri. You know, for...scientific purposes. 80: Polls. If you have no idea what the fuck you're doing, ask on the Boards. "Do you guys think X would be a good thing to implement? Give us your opinion!" 81: Riot. Rename "Riot Pls" to "Rito Pls". People will take you 500% more seriously. 82: Evelynn. Give her a skin. 83: Twitch. Give him a skin. 84: Sivir. Give her a skin. 85: Warwick. Show him some love. 86: Jungling. Make a tutorial on that, to this day I have no idea how the fuck to do it. 87: Karthus. Show him some love. 88: Ezreal. Find every Ezreal main in North America and slap them across the face for being a douchebag. 89: Ranked matchmaking. Fix it. 90: Retired Varus skin. "I used to be a champion like you, but then I took an Evelynn to the knee." 91: Viktor. Give him a skin. 92: Bard. Give him a skin. 93: Nami. Give her a skin. 94: Maokai. Give him a skin. 95: Lore event. If the next one is not Zaun vs. Piltover, I will throw a boxful of Poros into a highway.

That is all. If you actually read all of these, then get off your ass and treat yourself to a item 2054 . You deserve it for sticking it out that long.

P.S. (That's what she said Draven )

16 Comments

AntiSkillshot9/8/2015, 4:41:37 PM2 votes

{quoted}

Call me Martin Luther, 'cuz I've got some shit to pick with Riot atm, in no particular order. Here we go.

1: Riven. Fix her. Most wouldn't want that 2: Vayne. Fix her. Fix her as in...? 3: Poppy. Fix her. Same as Vayne... 4: Yoric. Rework him. YES PLEASE 5: Replay mode. No explanation needed. As said 6: Encouragement. Reward kind, friendly, teamworking players. Yes, other than just giving us ribbons and 4 IP wins... 7: Toxicity. Punish toxic players. (As in, players with LEGIT reports, not just a guy who said "shut up" in all chat) I guess...? 8: Runes. Make them free. Yes. 9: T1 and T2 Runes. Get rid of them. YES. 10: Chroma skins. Make Chroma skins obtainable from mastering a Champion. YES. ALL OF MY YES 11: Player enjoyment. Buff/nerf champs based on player feedback, not the current state of the LCS. Please do. This is the exact reason why Fiora's been allowed to stay the way she's been for a month. 12: Kassadin. Give him a GOOD skin. Only after Yorick's... 13: CertainlyT. Somebody make him play one of his dreadful "creations" so he can see the kind of shit he makes. Please. I greatly hate his nightmares he calls champions. 14: The Tribunal. Bring it back. Please. 15: The report system. Fix it. Please do. 16: Garen. Nerf him. I guess. 17: Skarner. Nerf him. Sure...? 18: Mordekaiser. Nerf him. Yes. 19: Darius. Nerf him. Sure...? 20: Galio. Buff him. Hard to out right buff him. He needs a possible kit rework. 21: Gangplank. Nerf him. I see 50% armor pene is still broken as fuck... 22: Fiora. Nerf her. YES. I hate seeing Fiora hit me for 10% of my health in the laning phase and getting a boost to MS to get away from me WHILE MINIONS BLOCK MY PATH... 23: Zilean. Buff him. See Galio. 24: Urgot. Buff him. Urgot being good is just as bad as GP being good... 25: Quinn. Buff her. See Urgot, just five times worse. 26: Kennen. Show him some love. FUCK NO. 27: Kayle. Fix her, jungle Kayle is the only way she's viable. Please... I feel like crying because she can only work there... 28: Zac. Buff him. Why? 29: Taric. Rework him. Agreed. 30: Icons. Implement an option for custom Summoner icons, or make more icons to purchase. Indifferent. 31: Yasuo. Fix him. Still not sure what you mean by "fix". 32: Draven. Show him some love. Draven's fine... I have no idea what you're talking about. 33: Support champs. Make some viable, Janna and Thresh only is getting boring. Braum and Leona aren't viable? I must find laughing GIFs. 34: Sona. Buff her. See Quinn. 35: West server. You operate the most popular videogame on Earth, don't tell me you "can't afford" to do it. I still don't see the point of a split server. As it stands, my best friend and I would be using different servers, if they were to make a west coast server while the one near the east coast exists. 36: Tutorials. Make the current one(s) better, or create more. YES. 37: LoL subreddit. Throw a can of Neosporin in there. Toxic af. ALSO ALL OF MY YES. 38: "Exclusive" skin stuff. Don't do bullshit like this. cough First Strike PROJECT cough Indifferent. Though, it could be compared to pre-order exclusive shenanigans. 39: Towers. Buff them, early level tower dives are outrageous. More damage early game? 40: Refunds. Give us more after a long(ish) period of time, 3 per account is not enough. Yes. 41: Bard. Buff him. Can't really buff a champion that's almost out right utility very easily. 42: Shen. Rework him. Agreed. 43: Cinematics. Give us more plis. They're coming, just calm down. 44: LoL movie. We all know you're waiting to see if the WoW movie does well before you try it. Take it from Shia and JUST DO IT. Never cared for video game movies... 45: Bans. Give us 1 per player, 6 total is not enough. Yes. 46: Aatrox. Show him some love. He's fine in my book... 47: Talon. Show him some love too. Talon is just as bad as Quinn when he's good... 48: Lore. Bring back the old lore, 2 sentences per champ is stupid. ALL OF MY YES. AND I MEAN ALL OF IT. 49: Zed x Syndra. Ship it. Indifferent. Though, I still prefer Varus x Syndra. 50: Talon x Cassiopeia. Ship it as well. Indifferent. But, as Talon is technically General Du Couteau's adopted son... Wouldn't that make it incest? 51: Ezreal and Taric. SHIP IT TO MOTHERFUCKING TIMBUKTU. How about... FUCK NO? EZREAL x LUX ALL THE WAY! 52: Lore events. Make more, the Bilgewater event was fantastic. Won't disagree. 53: Kassadin. Give him some more stuff to say. Eventually. 54: Malzahar. Give him some more stuff to say as well. See Kassadin. 55: Poppy. Give her more stuff to say. See Malzahar. 56: Graves. If he is nearly killed by an enemy's ultimate ability, make him say "Close, but no cigar.". Huehuehue. 57: Hidden passives. Give us more. Indifferent for all of them. 58: ^ Malzahar (For the Void!) vs. Kassadin (For Valoran!) 59: ^ Twisted Fate and Graves. (Buddies.) 60: ^ Miss Fortune (Bountyhunting) vs. Gangplank (On The Run) 61: ^ Shen vs. Zed (Final Clash) 62: ^ Viktor vs. Jayce (Pave The Way!) 63: ^ Ezreal and Taric. (Truly Outrageous.) 64: ^ Kayle vs. Morgana. (Bitter Sisters) 65: ^ Diana (Fight for the Night) vs. Leona (Fight for the Light) 66: ^ Ashe vs. Sejuani/Lissandra. (War for the Freljord) 67: Baker Pantheon. Make it so. Brought to you by Jean-Luc Picard. 68: Katarina. Rename her "Kitty Cat Katarina" to "Kitty Katarina". Indifferent. 69: AI mode. Improve the AI or give us something more difficult than "Intermediate". Indifferent. 70: Teemo. Make him the standard unit of measurement for LoL, not "one game distance unit". He technically is... 71: Riot. Give Riot Repertoir a raise or a cookie, he knows what the fuck he's doing. ... Who? 72: Bilgewater. Give us the option of using the Bilgewater announcer/music in the game, that stuff was dope. OMG YES. 73: Gangplank. If he is nearly killed by an enemy's ability, make him say "Give me an orange and I'll be K." :/ 74: Kalista. Fix her. See all the other "fix" 75: Turkish server. I see all that DDoS'ing and drophacking going on. Fix that shit. Agreed. 76: Voice chat. Don't do it. In-game chat is poisoning my screen enough. Text chat and Voice chat are two completely different monsters. Text chat promotes toxicity. Voice chat generally doesn't. 77: Patch notes. Give a brief rundown to every player upon logging in. YES. It's still fucking weird that there's people that have no idea that SION got a rework... 78: LoL terms. Have an in-game dictionary for those people who are new/have no idea what they mean. ("Gank", "backdoor", "teamfight", etc.) Odd request. Never thought of it... 79: Pool Party skins. I demand one for Vayne, Katarina, Orianna, Lux, and Ahri. You know, for...scientific purposes. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 80: Polls. If you have no idea what the fuck you're doing, ask on the Boards. "Do you guys think X would be a good thing to implement? Give us your opinion!" They do that through emails... 81: Riot. Rename "Riot Pls" to "Rito Pls". People will take you 500% more seriously. Lol 82: Evelynn. Give her a skin. She kinda did recently get one. 83: Twitch. Give him a skin. Same as Eve. 84: Sivir. Give her a skin. Shel has enough. 85: Warwick. Show him some love. Warwick's an odd beast... 86: Jungling. Make a tutorial on that, to this day I have no idea how the fuck to do it. Even though I've been around since Season 1 and know how the jungle, I'll agree. 87: Karthus. Show him some love. Karthus is almost just raw damage. I wouldn't recommend it. 88: Ezreal. Find every Ezreal main in North America and slap them across the face for being a douchebag. D: 89: Ranked matchmaking. Fix it. Agreed. 90: Retired Varus skin. "I used to be a champion like you, but then I took an Evelynn to the knee." ** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SF-oQmqaj0 ** 91: Viktor. Give him a skin. Agreed. 92: Bard. Give him a skin. Only after Yorick. 93: Nami. Give her a skin. See Bard. 94: Maokai. Give him a skin. See Nami. 95: Lore event. If the next one is not Zaun vs. Piltover, I will throw a boxful of Poros into a highway. That's a looooot of road kill...

That is all. If you actually read all of these, then get off your ass and treat yourself to a item 2054 . You deserve it for sticking it out that long.

P.S. (That's what she said Draven )

.

spavined9/8/2015, 4:33:16 AM2 votes

out of curiosity how long did this take?

ABlueQuaker9/8/2015, 11:11:54 AM1 votes

Zac needs no buffs.

Maple Crusader9/8/2015, 12:09:47 PM1 votes

I respect the majority of your theses.

DarkDeamonDragon9/8/2015, 1:58:26 PM1 votes

#56 XD

D2Vincent9/8/2015, 3:37:30 PM1 votes

Totally Agree with 87.

Catastrop9/8/2015, 3:48:51 PM1 votes

95/95, spot on these need to happen. Especially 87, I'd love nothing more than to blow the dust off of him and take him into play.

warpenguin5559/8/2015, 4:45:15 PM1 votes

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEAVE THE POROS ALONE

Lord of Vendetta9/8/2015, 4:53:19 PM1 votes

no sandbox mode?

Kjarik9/8/2015, 5:30:41 PM1 votes

Take my upvote just for how you referenced to Luther.

Limitanei9/8/2015, 8:26:42 PM1 votes

Thanks for leaving your thoughts, guys. I really appreciate it :D

If a Rioter could take a look at my theses as well, this'll be perfect.

EDIT: For some clarification-

"Fix" = tweak some stats. (Buff? Nerf? Let the players and Riot decide) "Show some love" = tweak some stats and/or create a new skin.

Hope that helps.

TacoTheKitten9/8/2015, 4:19:33 AM1 votes

39: Towers. Buff them, early level tower dives are outrageous.

Taric Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

TurquoiseYoshi9/8/2015, 11:36:42 PM1 votes

You forgot adding a Japan server. That needs to happen.

Also, we don't want a LoL movie. With how many champions there are, there will be a lot of champions either left out or shoehorned in. We want a LoL TV show. Now. DO IT NOW!

NΣQ9/8/2015, 7:05:10 AM1 votes

I love 12 mostly ^^ ...