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Depression and Tilt

Baal Haded·10/28/2016, 4:11:04 AM·1 votes·595 views

Over the last several years, I've been dealing with depression after having a long history of depression since elementary school, for various reasons including an abuse upbringing and everything. Two years ago a pretty traumatic event happened in my life where I haven't felt the same since. Despite being in a relationship for 8 months now with someone amazing, I still can't shake it. Worse still is stress in the workplace and how I might not have a job for much longer (last time I was jobless I didn't find work for 4 months), stress with finances and how I'm 22 in a week and how I still can't even afford community college, living in expensive Colorado and having to live at home to help support your mom financially.

With everything piling up over these last several months, the only thing keeping me going day-to-day are distractions: entertainment. At the beginning of the season I faced 5 AFKs and an intentional feeder in my provisionals for division placement and went 5/10, being placed in bronze for the first time in 4 years. Last week I climbed from bronze 3 to silver in 3 days, go on a massive losing streak, get into promos for silver 4, go on a massive losing streak. It's hard to find a way not to tilt when everything outside of your gaming experience is going horribly wrong. One game you get a feeder but manage to get a good KDA, despite getting a loss, but then it happens again, and maybe one game you get an AFK, then a feeder, then eventually you get frustrated and go on a multi day losing streak where you underperform and where you're making 21 LP per win one week, you're now only making 16 the next.

It's hard to play this game sometimes when outside factors or even a bad in-game experience that's not your fault tilts you. Hard to not get tilted when you lag despite 41 FPS (not great but not terrible) and 41 ping, or when you get leaver buster for client crashes or never having the loading screen launch after champ select.

I guess this is more a rant than anything, but it's really disappointing how I won't be making it to gold this season, and this game I've been playing for years now can't even help distract me from what's going on in my personal life like it used to.

1 Comments

Talinis10/28/2016, 6:51:31 AM1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Baal Haded,realm=NA,application-id=cIfEodbz,discussion-id=9qttgLv7,comment-id=,timestamp=2016-10-28T04:11:04.882+0000) It's hard to play this game sometimes when outside factors or even a bad in-game experience that's not your fault tilts you. Hard to not get tilted when you lag despite 41 FPS (not great but not terrible) and 41 ping, or when you get leaver buster for client crashes or never having the loading screen launch after champ select.

I won't comment on everything here but the lag "despite" 41 FPS and 41 ping is indicative of packet loss or ping spikes such as the data stream being interrupted briefly and reconnecting. FPS lag is much different than internet related lag and you won't get that in league unless you are on a total toaster. There may be a problem with your router/NIC or there may be something farther down the line that is losing data causing you to spike.

Sucks not to get gold. Way I dealt with depression is just zoned out of the real world and immersed myself in online gaming. Did a lot of mmos and had an entire virtual life. Had my real life and my online life.