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My girlfriend died today

HibHib·7/10/2016, 11:03:18 PM·303 votes·21,978 views
Two die in Saturday accident

I have never posted on the boards before and i highly doubt anyone will pay attention to this, but that's not much of a concern for me because i'm more just using this to vent my sadness and give some kind of tribute to the love of my life, sorry if things seem broken up or out of place, I'm fighting tears typing and honestly just winging it. Myah Mulrath was my girlfriend, the love of my life, and my best friend even if that is an awkward statement to make about someone i never met in person. We met online a few years ago and gradually talk more and more as time went on. We were separated by a gap of 2k miles seeing as i live in Arizona and she lived in Michigan and had plans to meet for the first time ever this month. Sadly, she died today in a car accident. As silly as it may sound, a huge part of why we ended up as a couple was due to League. She got the game and really enjoyed it, and persuaded me to get it as well. This is what started our daily conversations, we would wake up at the same time, despite time zones, and get on league to play the game for hours on end everyday over the summer while in a Skype call. After our 8 hours of playing we'd stay in the call for the rest of the day until we both passed out only to wake up and repeat the process. We got extremely close during this time and this eventually translated into us both awkwardly admitting our interest in each other at the same time (tho i shamefully admit she said it first cause i was too much of a wimp). We relied on each other a lot. As stereotypical teen like as it is to say, both of us were rather depressed people, my parents had just divorced and she was dealing with her family being unable to even afford food. Whenever one of us was down, the other was there to pick them up and bring at least a little joy. We didn't go a single day for over a year, without talking for at least 4-5 hours minimum, even if some of it was just while playing league. We grew to love each other very deeply, not one secret was unknown to the other and we could always count on each other to make sure we never were sad or angry or whatever for too long. Now, however, i have to go through the worst depression of my life without her to help me and i honestly don't know what to do, hence why i'm ranting on a league of legends board. Myah was a very caring person, overly caring even as she cared about others and their happiness infinitely more than her own. She was also very self conscious about herself, even looking into a mirror would bring her to sadness, even though i personally found her beautiful. She was quite the gamer as well, though she would never admit it, she could kick my ass in league and any other video game you could think of. We only ever did placements for ranked because her internet was very unstable and she didnt want to mess up others games so she never found out how good she really was. Despite this I always commented on how she should go pro, to which she would respond "I'm a girl so i can't" (Thanks Remi for giving me a counter point) Her ign is Silver Wolv and she was an Anivia fanatic. I bought her a lot of Anivia merch over the course of our relationship and she always wanted more. Her Anivia play was on point 24/7 and always begged for anivia nerfs so she could play her even more often. I promised her id design an Anivia skin and try in vain to get it made by Riot(could you imagine an Infernal Anivia), however i don't have that chance anymore, though i guess i could try now. "Hey Riot, I would be honored if you could make an Anivia skin for my girlfriend" I was quite the lucky guy to be loved by someone so amazing. I don't know if i can play league anymore without crying because i only ever played with her, ill definantly still follow the game though Sorry for such a long rant, im not sure if it fits guidelines or not and if it'll be taken down or not but i just really needed to type something about her, because im broken right now. Thank you singular reader i will probably get for taking the time to even glance at this, it means a lot to me though im pretty sure i went off track somewhere along the line. Thank you, im sorry I love you Myah

160 Comments

Marshbouy7/10/2016, 11:04:15 PM73 votes

Thats really horrible dude. I hope you get some good luck in your life.

You want my name7/10/2016, 11:29:05 PM50 votes

damn man im sorry. i completely understand how the situation was. the online and distance. People always say you cant really love someone unless you are together in person and thats bullshit. You can get through this.

TheSlogs7/11/2016, 2:38:16 AM18 votes

You aren't even going to be able to go the funeral are you? I can't imagine the feeling. I am in a group with a lot of long distance relationships, and I can't imagine any of them dying. The most heartbreaking thing is that you never got to meet her in real life. I don't have any words that can justify the amount of loss from something as stupid as a car crash, and especially one that isn't their fault. The burden that the poor 18 year old carries, the killing of two people because of an error, granted a very avoidable and stupid error, I can't imagine what it is like for him either. And the grandmother, being in the car, it pains me so much thinking about it.

I hope you will stay safe and recover from your loss.

Glîtchy7/11/2016, 1:17:57 AM17 votes

I live by this one thing,

"As long as you don't forget someone, they'll never truly be dead."

I know how you feel, I had a friend on a video site, we were friends for like 2-3 years, suddenly she posted a video talking down on my beliefs, we had this nasty argument and we both said HORRIBLE things to one another, we didn't talk since then, and then I get a message from one of her friends 7 months later telling me, "name has commit suicide." I was heartbroken, the last time we spoke was that argument, I never even got to apologize for the terrible things I said, now I just wish I could take it all back.

But enough about me, I hope you make a good recovery, just do me a favor, treasure every memory you have with your friend, don't make the same mistake I made and not do so.

RiotMiniWhiteRabbit9/26/2016, 9:03:33 PM11 votes

Hey HibHib,

A couple of amazing Rioters read your story and would love to send you something. When you have a chance, could you email me at [email protected] so we can make sure that it gets to you safely?

ModAttysu The Poro7/11/2016, 12:29:35 AM11 votes

I'm sorry for your loss, she sounded so sweet. I'm a personal Anivia fan, and it's sad to see a fellow Anivia fan and league player go. I bet she's the best damn Anivia player wherever she went.

Lunar Blade7/11/2016, 3:36:44 AM10 votes

I wish you the best of luck, if you have the ability to contact her family, you should ask if you can attend the funeral.

Ninox7/11/2016, 12:48:22 AM10 votes

Support to you friend. As much as it hurts never forget the time with her, those memories are too precious.

Aír7/11/2016, 3:47:38 PM10 votes

This is gonna be a bit of a long post, so bear with me.

First thing I want to say is that this post hit me pretty hard (trying to not break down at work atm, kek). I am so sorry for what happened and I know how tough this can be, or at least to some extent. Thankfully, I never had anyone die on me, but I know others who have and almost had one die (my fault though to be honest).

Anyway. I just wanted to tell you a little story about myself, in case it might make you a bit more hopeful.

Right.

deep breath

My last boyfriend (ex currently, but you will see why) I met about a year and a half ago when I was trying to recruit a team that would seriously want to climb out of silver and maybe even to plat. We started off just playing with each other and he was the only one who was just as serious and dedicated to the team and game as I was. He hit plat when I was still in silver and even as he was so higher elo than me, he still believed me to be his ranking and waited for me to hit gold so that we could duo. He waited over 5 months. And every game we would either play together or talk about the game.

Then last September I started a new team of golds and he was the co-captain. One practice I had planned he had to run it and my plan for it failed quite drastically. He blamed himself and thought I was mad at him when in reality I just felt really bad for how much I messed up and wasted everyone's time. I felt even worse that he blamed himself. That night I just cracked after he realized I was upset and just spilled everything to him. And we talked for hours and hours on end and by the end of the night, he was my best friend. For months we spent every waking moment with each other. At night, we would even leave the skype call running until we would both fall asleep since he knew I couldn't stand being alone. We would wake up together. We would play together. I never had such a close friend before.

We went through so much together, including his motorcycle accident that required surgery for his wrist (bone almost went through his carpal nerve) which resulted in missing a week of work and his eviction. I helped him through it though. And he was there whenever my depression dropped to suicidal points. He never would leave me.

He even came to visit even after he had to deal with the eviction. He promised me and kept his promise, so on early last Christmas morning, I met him in person for the first time, my best friend. The best Christmas present I could get. Four days later, he revealed his feelings toward me, to which I expressed I felt the same. He was about to turn 29. I was 17. I didn't care. I loved him.

For 3 months, things seemed to be in a sort of euphoria. I never felt so happy and fulfilled. Until a problem came up....

Due to my depression, I can't deal with any negativity what so ever. I just tend to ignore it and it can push me under pretty quickly. Especially if it is from someone I care about.

And he was bipolar. And he refused to take his medication because he wanted to hit Diamond with me.

So those three months later, he started to hit a down and I just shut down. I couldn't deal with it, regardless of how much I cared for him. So I started talking to him less and less, which only made it worse. And after a few weeks of this, I fell out of love with him. And on April 2nd, my 18th birthday, I broke up with him so that I didn't have to hurt him anymore by ignoring him like this simply because my fucked up head can't deal with negativity. And I just couldn't hand the idea of the fact that I would have to deal with this again every few months, and practically babysit him for the rest of my life. I couldn't.

Over the course of that month, I had to call the police 4 times in order to stop what I suspected were attempted suicides. But the police couldn't get him help because I couldn't physically go to the other side of the country to testify against his mental well being. I even sent a support ticket through Riot so that they could use our chat logs to force him to get help, but apparently there was a law in Arizona where they can't force you. You practically have a choice on whether you want to die or not. Being the idiot I am, I kept telling him that there was hope and possibly I chance I might change my mind. I was so scared that if I said otherwise he was going to kill himself for real.

A friend of his came over from Canada about a month ago and managed to clean him up a bit. With her help, we managed to convince him to start taking his medication again. After another couple weeks, he seemed to be back to his old self again. I felt so relieved.

Then June 6th, King Odarth and I started dating.

Odarth saw just how troubled I was over worrying about my ex and made the point again that it was not my job to babysit him for the rest of my life. He was not my responsiblity anymore and it was hurting my mental well being by having to deal with this. So I made the choice when he seemed to be just fine that I will end all contact with him, since i was avoiding him for weeks anyway (I know, I am terrible).

He emails his friend saying that he was giving up his cat (obvious sign he was offing himself) and she goes to him the next day.

Next thing I know, I get an email from her saying how I backstabed her best friend and ruined his life. And now he was in a shrink again for attempted suicide. She told me how I was terrible and took advantage of him and she was going to tell him how I was "doing someone" behind his back (which was not the case since I never dated anyone else until months after I broke up with him), but I never bothered correcting her. I just took everything she threw at me. I deserved it.

And tbh, I would rather my ex believe I was a terrible person than to think of how good I used to be. It would make it easier for him to get over me.

But the thing is, even with all that crap of the person who used to be my best friend losing his entire livelihood just because of me and almost his life, I never thought I could be happy again.

But I have Odarth now. I never thought I would meet someone like him. We are the same age. We have the same personalities. Fuck it, we are even (or were at least) the same ranking in League: low plat. And unlike my ex he is ambitious and I look forward to a future with him. I love him even more than my last ex. Idc if I only have been dating him for 5 weeks. I know this one will last. And I don't know what I would do without him (beside off myself after a few more months if going pro in LoL didn't work out).

Odarth gave me hope.

I just hope that for you, as terrible as this tragedy is, that you will keep yourself open and resort to your friends for comfort. Even in the worst times, you can get the support you need. You just need to let yourself open up to others.

You'll never know, maybe you might find another Myah. Sure it might not be the same (my ex's first gf, i was the second, died from a heart attack and I always felt terrible about how I got him when they deserved to be together), but there is someone. I am sure of it.

Rest in peace, dear Myah. You will not be forgotten. May she give you her blessings from heaven where I am sure that she is looking down and hoping you will one day be happy again. Even if with someone else. I know that if i lost my life when I am still with Odarth I would want the same. I would want him to get over me and to be happy again. I would him to find someone else to treat him right. Anything for him.

Good luck.

Hella Kaiser7/11/2016, 1:51:30 PM10 votes

hey, she's not dead... she will always live inside your heart.

don't be sad, she wouldn't want you to be sad :(

hope you'll feel better soon.

Se7en Lust7/11/2016, 1:36:24 PM9 votes

Hey i completely understand where you are coming from...my best friend killed herself 2 years ago granted that is a different kind of love. And i can see you are a very strong person i couldnt even talk about her to people because i would leave the room crying. Im sorry for your loss and try your best to keep going in life even though it feels like you found your end. And i can relate to what your parents are probably saying. Try to keep your chin up HibHib!

Rest in Peace Myah Anivia The Female Froggen

SolidPooh7/11/2016, 2:31:04 PM5 votes

Her spirit is there, now with you.

life is a mix of balanced and wavering events that we shouldn't spend time questioning, it brings dissolution and sorrow (through unanswered confusion)

So cry and grieve only how much you need to at first, then be as happy as she would want you to be.

There's a life after this one Hib and Im sure she's chosen to live it by you, take her on a happy journey as she piggybacks your soul through eternity :)

Kuwabara

thank you for opening up HibHib When you think of Myah, make it a thought that brings a smile to both of your faces.

In loving memory of Myah Take care buddy

VSciFlight7/11/2016, 1:40:23 PM5 votes

Hey OP, sorry for your loss. I hope Riot would make that skin. For you personally, I wish you good luck and happiness for the rest of your life and no more sad events like this one...

blkh17/11/2016, 1:15:19 AM5 votes

While we may lose those we love, we will never lose the love we have for them.

Rico Nasty7/11/2016, 2:42:21 AM5 votes

My thoughts are with you and her.

SoloEQPT7/11/2016, 2:51:33 PM4 votes

Fml i'm sorry for your loss my friend, my condolences from Portugal.

BurnSnake7/12/2016, 2:13:05 AM4 votes

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Keep this in mind and whenever you think of her, choose to smile at your good memories rather than grief over what never could have been. I'm so sorry for your loss and i wish you the best. May Myah never be forgotten.

Melledoneus7/11/2016, 5:25:06 AM4 votes

This is something I would never wish upon anyone, because nobody deserves such a cruel event to happen to them. It is so awful, and I cannot even fathom how it would feel, even as somebody who has lost close relatives before. I hope you can recover from this and you have my sincerest condolences and blessings whether it helps or not.

BullGOD7/11/2016, 1:13:19 PM3 votes

im so sorry, i really hope u cant get over this soon and be happy again. "u must pass trough the rain to get to the rainbow"

Renascent7/11/2016, 12:52:18 AM3 votes

https://youtu.be/SFa7MSXR8hg

General Esdeath 7/11/2016, 5:01:25 AM3 votes

I'm sorry to hear dude.

PwnKat7/11/2016, 6:38:16 AM3 votes

A peer of mine ... she mentally passed. She was shot, and basically her brain is dead. I didn't know her well, her name was Jessica, cheerleader, very bubbly and smiley, and I never imagined something so horrible would come her way.

R.I.P Myah.

Armin Senpai7/11/2016, 7:31:01 AM3 votes

This opened my eyes a lot more to the fear of losing my love interest too. I know the world is scary out there, and you feel hopeless without the thing you've loved the most, it hurts to even play league because you're reminded of things that just ended up as memories. There's a lot of things that you have to grow and accept, but I'd like to tell you this. Hold that head up high, and remember those moments as times you would smile. Remember the impact on your life and why you woke up all those days and nights trying to speak to her again. Try to remember the best of you that she grew to love too, and stay strong.

Best of luck to you dude, stay strong summoner!

Emo Kïd7/11/2016, 11:08:09 AM2 votes

i lost my girlfreind too here one month ago, she commited suicide :/

Suicidal clone7/11/2016, 9:52:16 AM2 votes

I dont know what you are feeling... But i know its like the worst feeling in the world to loose someone we love. So man stay strong and dont give up. Im sure she loved you a lot too. Keep your head up and keep your hart strong.

rtbf2256182417/11/2016, 9:40:15 AM2 votes

I can only vaguely relate to this as i lost someone in my life that i loved aswell just recently. She didn't die but i did lose her for good.

It takes time for the pain to soothe but you'll always remember it regardless. Just try not to make your scars bleed by thinking about it too much when enough time has passed.

I once read a quote that you may want to read aswell.

It went like this:"It isn't the tears that come from our eyes and cover our faces that hurt. It's the tears that come from our hearts and cover our souls."

Knowing how wonderful of a person she was simply out of what you said means there are others out there aswell. Other angels that may shine light at you. You just have to find them or hope they find you. Yes, they are very rare but they are out there. And the best you can do is not give up on yourself.

May she rest in peace. I'm sure she'd be proud of you if she knew you're going to get through this.

Bobby Ewing7/11/2016, 2:34:19 PM2 votes

Deepest sympathies...

Maiziea7/11/2016, 8:10:59 AM2 votes

I promised her id design an Anivia skin and try in vain to get it made by Riot(could you imagine an Infernal Anivia), however i don't have that chance anymore, though i guess i could try now. "Hey Riot, I would be honored if you could make an Anivia skin for my girlfriend"

I'm not sure how creative you are, but maybe you could put some of your time into this, it'd be good to do something in her memory and it would give you some distraction. But I don't think this is the right way of going about it, try to actually come up with a good skin idea she would like and post it here on the boards under concept and creations. It's just a suggestion, I personally would have no idea where to even start with it, but then again I'm not really that creative when it comes to stuff like that.

Either way, I hope things go better from here on, and if it's possible try to go to her funeral and get to know her family, I've been in an online relationship myself and that's what I would do if this were to happen to me. I really hope you can go. And if you're not sure you should go or not, just go, you will probably regret it later. (Of course some relationships have issues with family not approving of it, in this case you might not want to go, but if this isn't the case)

I hope this and what other people have said helps you get through this.

Kudrov7/11/2016, 3:00:50 PM2 votes

thats fucked up

KING ATTILA7/11/2016, 3:12:42 PM2 votes

That's terrible. I'm sorry. My dad died in 2015. Losing a loved one is beyond words. Stay strong and don't wallow in sadness. Be the best you can be live happily for her. My respects.

FearsLife7/11/2016, 6:17:26 AM2 votes

Your story is reach all parts of north america. I'm sorry for your loss and know that you have support from Alberta, Canada. The league community can feel your loss. Anivia <3

Photos of Ghosts7/11/2016, 4:03:09 PM2 votes

I wish I could be there to hug you...

burritomomo7/11/2016, 4:52:21 AM2 votes

im sorry for your loss, hope you feel better soon

TheLeviathan7777/12/2016, 3:13:31 AM2 votes

Do you know when the funeral is friend? Ohio to arizona then to Michigan is a hell of a drive but if we have a few days arrangements might be able to be made. I'm sorry for your loss.. I bawled like a child reading this.. Im so sorry.

Pls dont do this7/13/2016, 1:56:40 AM2 votes

The facts you mentioned don't even match up with the official news. If you really knew this person I strongly doubt that you would read one article then go post about it to get an anivia skin... She did not fail to yield, the pickup that hit her car failed. Also, multiple articles stated she was an avid member of her community, which is completely different from the "played 4-8 hours a day, every day, pass out, repeat" you mentioned. Maybe I'm wrong, I just can't make myself believe you

WzqdQsZwQA7/10/2016, 11:57:25 PM2 votes

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