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How Can I Deal With A Toxic Friend?

Xonra··4 votes·3,869 views

I usually just argue about when I'm bored or scan for interesting posts, but I've been thinking about asking this serious question lately and figured maybe someone can give me an answer, because this is sort of a serious (not as in super important serious, but not a joking topic serious) question.

Basically, I have a couple of friends (one specifically I won't name) that can be ragers in game (won't comment on outside of it). The main one I'm asking about tends to get angry at the smallest things, has been chat restricted quite a few times, and it is to the point even our small group doesn't enjoy playing with him sometimes.

He tends to be very competitive so he gets upset at himself and others when he fails, and as friends we try to curb it, but it tends to not work well. As a friend, how should I be approaching him, because I tend to be very blunt sometimes and that doesn't work well in this situation. I started this thread mostly because he just got yet another chat restriction (75 friggin games for christ's sake), and while I really don't like his attitude, I don't want him getting banned because he is still a friend.

It is easy to see a stranger acting this way and say something like "just ban them" and I'd understand that opinion from someone that doesn't know him because I tend to think the same with someone I don't know. As a friend I'd rather help more so than just seem him banned, because he can't be far from it at this point with the amount of chat restrictions he has gotten just this year.

Sorry for the long ish post, but tried to keep it as short as I could while explaining things well enough to fully understand the situation. Thanks for any advice ahead of time, guys.

17 Comments

Your angry ex5 votes

I used to have this issue as well.

My 'friend' was so toxic that in the past he had gotten himself 3, count them, 3!!! perma banned accounts. His fourth was being threatened. Every time we played with him, even if we were winning he would talk so much smack to the enemy team it was embarrassing. Sometimes all his smack talk would backfire and the enemy team would make him eat his words to which he'd reply with some more toxic behavior.

9/10 he would be the one to start all the negative events in every game. Because of his refusal to better himself at the game, and instead chose to attack others, His MMR was incredibly low. So when we did play with him we usually got equally toxic enemies and allies.

At one point his behavior had gotten so horrible that me and one other friend reported him. In the description we actually said we knew him in real life and we were sorry it happened. The person he attacked? Was doing poorly due to a disease, she was 14 years old. Could she have been lying, of course, but that's no excuse.

At one point his brother joined us in league and he was uber friendly. We all enjoyed teaching him about the game knowing he would make a lot of mistakes but not caring if we won or lost. All this toxic person did was attack and belittle his own family right in front of us over vent almost every minute or so. At one point he brought some personal information into play, embarrassing the crap out of his own brother to the point where he didn't log on for a week. It was awkward and hard to listen to.

My point is, if your 'friend' is really this toxic, you need to cut him out of your life. Even if you know him in real life. The guy I am talking about lived with us for a whole year, we knew him. In the end I thought I might regret it but to this day, I don't regret cutting him out of my life at all.

Usually people like this have some extra baggage you can't control or help with, and you shouldn't have to. Life is way too short to be 'dealing' with someone else's drama. And this goes beyond gaming, because someone like this does not exhibit this kind of behavior just in a game, it's usually in many different games or even in real life situations.

In the end it took one friend and I dealing with his borderline abusive behavior for over 5 years before we acted. But the moment we did we felt great about it, and in time we found a new group of friends, and then as even more time passed one of the friends from our old group with that toxic player joined us. He now hangs out with us almost every time we play league.

Anyone or anything creating negative energy in your life needs to be cut out permanently. Surround yourself in only good situations and positive people, and you'll be amazed at how awesome you'll feel.

Xonra1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Your angry ex,realm=NA,application-id=cIfEodbz,discussion-id=4PyQJQJm,comment-id=0002,timestamp=2015-09-02T21:57:12.374+0000)

I used to have this issue as well.

My 'friend' was so toxic that in the past he had gotten himself 3, count them, 3!!! perma banned accounts. His fourth was being threatened. Every time we played with him, even if we were winning he would talk so much smack to the enemy team it was embarrassing. Sometimes all his smack talk would backfire and the enemy team would make him eat his words to which he'd reply with some more toxic behavior.

9/10 he would be the one to start all the negative events in every game. Because of his refusal to better himself at the game, and instead chose to attack others, His MMR was incredibly low. So when we did play with him we usually got equally toxic enemies and allies.

At one point his behavior had gotten so horrible that me and one other friend reported him. In the description we actually said we knew him in real life and we were sorry it happened. The person he attacked? Was doing poorly due to a disease, she was 14 years old. Could she have been lying, of course, but that's no excuse.

At one point his brother joined us in league and he was uber friendly. We all enjoyed teaching him about the game knowing he would make a lot of mistakes but not caring if we won or lost. All this toxic person did was attack and belittle his own family right in front of us over vent almost every minute or so. At one point he brought some personal information into play, embarrassing the crap out of his own brother to the point where he didn't log on for a week. It was awkward and hard to listen to.

My point is, if your 'friend' is really this toxic, you need to cut him out of your life. Even if you know him in real life. The guy I am talking about lived with us for a whole year, we knew him. In the end I thought I might regret it but to this day, I don't regret cutting him out of my life at all.

Usually people like this have some extra baggage you can't control or help with, and you shouldn't have to. Life is way too short to be 'dealing' with someone else's drama. And this goes beyond gaming, because someone like this does not exhibit this kind of behavior just in a game, it's usually in many different games or even in real life situations.

In the end it took one friend and I dealing with his borderline abusive behavior for over 5 years before we acted. But the moment we did we felt great about it, and in time we found a new group of friends, and then as even more time passed one of the friends from our old group with that toxic player joined us. He now hangs out with us almost every time we play league.

Anyone or anything creating negative energy in your life needs to be cut out permanently. Surround yourself in only good situations and positive people, and you'll be amazed at how awesome you'll feel.

Appreciate the response. Thank you

Rueian1 votes

Not that it seems you care, but how do you think that 'toxic' person feels? Even if they have extra baggage, you sound like you wouldn't have helped them even if they asked for your help.

Prizmas1 votes

Thanks for taking the time to write this response.

Exta5y1 votes

dont worry i have 750 chat restriction and im gold 3 let him be himself

Xonra1 votes

{quoted}

dont worry i have 750 chat restriction and im gold 3 let him be himself

That isn't really helpful to be honest. It is the fact that he really isn't fun to play with because of his negative attitude, and he isn't even out of Bronze just yet, so it isn't as if he is Diamond and negative to "Balance" it (which I still don't think it does).

He isn't the type to get reported for arguing or saying something rude, he tends to deserve it as he goes a tad overboard, which is why I think he will eventually have more than just chat restrictions.

Sona Ping1 votes

I can only see two options if you want to deal with this.

Option A: Say something to the effect of "Dude, chill" or "No problem; we got this".

Option B: "I have a toxic friend." Rectify this situation.

50000000000000001 votes

Not a lot of players come to boards, tbh. The toxic friend may not ever see this post.

Xonra1 votes

{quoted}

Not a lot of players come to boards, tbh. The toxic friend may not ever see this post.

I'm pretty sure he knows regardless, as we tend to tell him about it. Regardless, him seeing this or not isn't really the point of the thread.

Sona Ping1 votes

Uhm, I'm sorry but I don't know what you are referring to? Said person seeing it is not a concern I raised.

Exta5y1 votes

the most toxic people tend to be unranked and bronze players as well as silvers

Xonra1 votes

{quoted}

the most toxic people tend to be unranked and bronze players as well as silvers

Yes and no. In a way, yes only because there is a much larger population to draw from, but the percentage of toxic people is higher in higher elo because of lower population and player base.

There is no actual correlation between rank and toxicity, you just see it more lower because there are far more people and a higher chance of it. People in higher elos are just as bad, as I see it first hand on streams pretty much every day.

Exta5y1 votes

{quoted}

Yes and no. In a way, yes only because there is a much larger population to draw from, but the percentage of toxic people is higher in higher elo because of lower population and player base.

There is no actual correlation between rank and toxicity, you just see it more lower because there are far more people and a higher chance of it. People in higher elos are just as bad, as I see it first hand on streams pretty much every day.

Yes this might be true since 75% on ALL LoL player base is a combine mass of Silver + Bronze. Also I dont watch streams since I have no real interest. When I do watch LoL I try and watch VoD of LpL LCK and LCS

VulcanIsHere1 votes

Idk, down ere in bronze I only have a couple of salty people. Maybe I'l just lucky.

61939590DEL11 votes

In some ways I'm consider a toxic player, due to what i'm experiencing in the field of justice. My thread i post here is example on why I can become toxic in the first place. I had 4 chat restrictions if I should mention which i got from confronting trolls which is low on my pay scale. I play Advance warfare on the ps3 & I sometimes have to turn off my mic, because i can't even say whatever is on my mind peacefully, which trolls don't allow you to talk, this builds up stress & anger which heck i don't really want it because i don't want it affecting my mind towards work.

Edit: Wow Riot thx make that 5 chat restrictions now 60 games. If you guys keep placing me with smurfs wtf to do than?

FluxBound1 votes

I think you should just report them. Probably don't let them know, I've they get warned/banned they might change.

Baunjo1 votes

I completely stopped playing with my friends because of that very reason. I tried to help him get better, nope he is faker's child and cannot possibly learn from anyone. I found after I stopped playing with them it was fantastically fun, because 1 of them raged constantly and trolled whenever they gave up a kill in lane, the other one ALWAYS trolled whenever they gave up a kill in lane, and my last friend tried to stay positive and keep me from snapping both their necks.

Moral of the story, I have had SO MUCH MORE FUN with league of legends since I stopped playing with them. You don't have to just stop being friends with them, just do something else other than league of legends

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