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Why do people let words hurt them?

Kikirino·12/3/2015, 10:35:56 PM·5 votes·2,127 views

I will likely be downvoted but I am looking for a real discussion here. I also want to point out that I am not arguing that flamers and online harassment and shit is okay. If a person does something against Riot's rules they should be reported for it... but I don't see why people let it hurt them.

A flamer's only 'weapon' against you are their words and words cannot hurt you unless you let them. So why do people let words hurt? If someone calls you trash why do you let it upset you? You are letting empty words from a completely anonymous stranger bother you... I have played since perseason 1 and have encountered trolls just as bad if not worse than most players. I have encountered absolute racists, homophobes and people that make death threats and hope your family gets cancer and/or dies. Yeah, those people are annoying and shit but nothing they have ever said to me has ever hurt me because it is impossible unless I let it.

My Dad died a few years back and I had a player make the comment "I hope your parents die" a few days after he died and even then it didn't hurt me. I told him "My Dad is dead" and he replied something like "Good because he hates you". I reported him for harassment but it never hurt me. Every day I see people get upset at people that say things as simple as 'you suck'. These players then get in an argument with someone over a statement in a video game. "Someone hurt my feelings so I am going to try to hurt them back"... It just doesn't make sense. "ggez" is a very common issue with this. Yes, it is punishable and it a show of very poor sportsman ship but why do people let those four letters upset them so much. I had a player say "burn in hell you %%%got" after someone said 'ggez' to them. They got so hurt by four letters that they replied with something worse. Wait-what?

If someone says you suck and need to uninstall why do you let that bother you? Yes, this person is being a dick and should be reported but what good does it do you to get upset? If someone says they hope you get hurt or die why let this bother you? People saying that should be actively banned by Riot but you know that kid would never have the balls to say that in real life no matter how big or scrawny you are. They are empty words by a nobody and you are letting them hurt you. There is a thing in this world where people talk shit on others and try to upset others because they then feel better in comparison. If you let it hurt you then you are giving them exactly what they crave.

I clearly do not think the same way others do so I want input from people who do get upset by words. I want to know why? Why do words hurt you? Does it help you? Is there any benefit to it?

19 Comments

Deep Terror Nami12/3/2015, 10:44:12 PM3 votes

You don't "choose" how to feel about it. You choose how you react to it though. You can be conditioned to feel differently about it, but it's not something that happens instantly so you can't just tell someone "don't be offended" and expect them not to be.

If you can be insulted all day and have no adverse feelings about it, good for you. But give others the benefit of the doubt and just be courteous to them.

If someone tells me my dad should die or whatnot, even though my dad did die I'm not going to get upset and report them for hurting my feelings. I'm going to report them for their intent to do so, so that they might be stopped before acting that way to someone who will get upset over it.

Live2LetDie12/3/2015, 10:47:42 PM3 votes

It's doesn't upset me or bother me. The second the summoner says something I don't approve I mute and report and let riots automation figure it out.

Kazaashi12/3/2015, 10:53:38 PM3 votes

Because, in America, Critical thinking skills and thinking before speaking is discouraged, and emotional reactions and impulsive behavior are encouraged. Combine that with a socially promoted inferiority complex , aka "American Exceptionalism", and you have the average league player.

People can't control how they feel, but more how they react to that feeling. Due to the above, they are more likely to react toxically than logically.

darkmatchwaldo12/3/2015, 11:00:32 PM3 votes

I love that all these posts agreeing with you got downvoted. People are way too sensitive.

Shac Norris12/3/2015, 10:45:48 PM2 votes

If someone is, say, 0/5 against Yasuo, then some douchebag ally goes all like'' who the f**k fed this Yasuo'' then he see's the 0/5 guy's score, and starts shitting on him, reminding him how bad he is and stuff.

The person beind harassed knows that he's the one who fed that Yasuo, and most likely don't need anyone to remind him that, and that sometimes lead to blame wars, where the guy who fed X champ will try to blame others or defend himself.

Well that's what i think.

trash sion12/3/2015, 10:52:50 PM2 votes

This. 1,000 times this. Every time I see a QQ thread about someone who got called some names in-game, I comment exactly what you said and get downvotes galore. The point I try to make is that the reason you should be reporting people is not because they "hurt your feelings." If you are honestly pained by something someone says online, you shouldn't be trusted to play video games because you aren't emotionally stable. The reason you report someone is because they agreed to Riot's ToS and broke them. Keep your emotions out of it.

Anyway, that's all I feel like typing because I'm lazy. Have a nice day.

Junsui Aoi12/3/2015, 11:24:44 PM1 votes

There is no benefit to letting what others say get to you. Sometimes I can brush it off and laugh at how ridiculous this person is saying stupid stuff that means nothing. Other days, I'm more sensitive and it just gets to me. Sometimes to the point of tears where I have to walk away from the game.

I know what you're saying is true. Words only hold power if they are given that power. Without that power they're only scribbles on the screen. But when you have confidence issues, some things hit you to the core. Sometimes its also that you care more about something. I'm more likely to get pissed if someone trashes a friend. Constructive criticism? Like, group more, stay behind me, focus so-and-so. That's fine. "You're trash and deserve to be treated as such." Why yes, I'll tell him to shut up and I'll give him hell if he tries any more.

When people invest a lot into the game, they end up caring a lot for it, so hearing hard things will hurt them more. Most people aren't taught that words can't hurt them. This generation is a lot more coddled and sheltered (myself included I admit). It wasn't until I got into reading good books that I really thought about the fact that words can't hold power over me. That I could in fact change perspective and in turn how my emotions come through. That my actions are my own and not the byproduct of happenstance.

But we aren't taught this anymore. Appearance and acceptance is everything to many. And rejection is hard even if its from a stupid troll in league with nothing better to do.

You my dear are blessed to be "thick-skinned." And I hope this clarified it some for you; its not the same for all, but I'm sure many would agree that this is why words sometimes do hurt.

PDE5 Inhibitors12/3/2015, 11:29:27 PM1 votes

What gets me is the people that don't bother to mute the player....but instead go crying to the boards about it lol.