I don't if anyone would care, but I've been wanting to end my life repetitively this season.

Hi, a random dedicated player who happens to mainly play support here. I posted this on reddit with a throwaway account but it got removed instantly, so I will post this on Board with a smurf account. Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A RITO PLS THREAD

A little story of me to start my donezo manifesto off then:
I wanted to be a professional gamer since the Warcraft 3 era, and I witness the growth of Esports during the last decade, I not only have been an Esports fan, but also actively been trying to get involved.
Like many people in League scene, I started the game with background knowledge of MOBA, I had played Dota/Dota 2 for about 6 years before I first touched League in 2014, at first it was just having fun with friends who didn't play Dota, then I realized there was a "Ranked mode" in League, which Dota/Dota 2 didn't have. I then switched to fully play league in late season 3 ...

About my League "career":
I chose to play support, one reason was that none of my friends wanted to support, and I happened to play support in Dota, which was because no one wanted to play support in Public games. So I guess I started to be a good guy since the very beginning of my gaming life.

Anyways, learning the game was a short process, I finished S3 with silver, and quickly reached Platinum in season 4. Like I said, I always wanted to be a pro, seriously. And I really worship the Rank system in League, even after ladder system came out for Dota 2 I wasn't interested in going back anymore because I find League "friendly to support" and "feels good to climb, alone"

That said, I still have to go to school, work part-time, you know, have a life in general. Season 5 was by far my biggest achievement, I successfully climbed to Diamond 5 a couple weeks before the season ended. I was stuck in Plat for about 700 games, dropping and climbing from P5-P1 non stop, but I made it through. It felt great.

Then season 6 hit, with Dynamic queue and New champ select released, I didn't really care about these fancy stuff, I quickly climbed back to Diamond and starting to grind my LP.

Before I continue, I'm currently attending to a university in Canada, even though I spend most of time off class on League, it's still not that much, and I realize that if I don't get close to master/challenger THIS VERY SEASON, I might not ever get a chance to go pro. That's why every game I play, I take it very, very seriously, I simply don't have time.

I saw the Vasilii incident yesterday, though I don't approve his behaviours I completely understand him, "running out of time" is a serious business, and is very frustration inducing when one wants to get certain goals done before it's too late.

Back to me, I didn't really care about the dynamic q rants and what not, I focused on the game 100%. Playing support completely solo has not been easy for me, this season particular. I constantly get solo teammates while the other team has 3 man premade, or bigger, before the restriction went live. Games are very challenging, because you not only have to outplay your counterpart, you also have to work extra hard as a team to win the game. I often feel like a non factor, not only because I'm on a support champion, but also the fact that my team simply won't work together, while opponents are rather cohesive because of premades.

Sounds like crying baby right? Of course it does, I have been desperately wanting to give up not only the game but also my life at so many moments during the past 4 months or so. But I can't, I simply don't find myself in doing other career. I have been feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I have to be in disadvantage EVERY GAME because I queue up solo.

People always say things like "just focus on improving", "you have a better chance to get good teams than not because yourself is positive" etc. etc., that's what I've been telling myself, that I WILL CLIMB, IF I REMAIN POSITIVE AND FOCUS ON THE GAME ONLY. But it doesn't help, I often do very well individually, I can and I often win the botlane if ADC is decent, but I simply can't control what the rest of the team does.

There are way too many times I got teammates who aren't on their primary role and going in to the game playing like shit, unlucky, there are many times I got teammates who are just on tilt, unlucky, there are some times someone decides to play non-familiar champions and doing shit, unlucky. I can keep calm and just forget the lucky/unlucky part, bad luck happens to everyone.

But it is not just luck, doing well individually doesn't mean anything anymore, at least not on fucking support. The team with premades ALWAYS is more likely to win, and me playing solo actually lowers the chance of my team having more premades.

I am a little frustrated at this moment, so my wall of text may be messy and points are all over the place, sorry about that.

I've had a positive winrate playing completely solo, and I did manage to reach diamond 2, then the endless bad things just keep happening to me, I managed to remain positive towards the game and not tilt but that just didn't help, my team would always find a way to fuck things up, flaming or just playing badly, whatever.

Solo playing support feels really, really bad. I have smaller impact than my teammates naturally, I have to do extra better than my counterpart, to make up for my teammates' small discrepancy, that's honestly what playing support is essentially, most of the time I have to rely on my teammates to execute fights, but other than playing my part right what can I do? Praying for them not to fuck up?

I don't even know how much bullshit I've said in this post and I don't see where I am going with my situation, maybe I will not kill myself, but I'm feeling really, really bad about myself, I want to climb, and I know it's about getting better at the game, but I just can't outweigh the fact that I get premade/smurf/non-tilting teams less likely no matter what I try, what I do.

I temporarily run out of things I want to say, and I'm sorry for the post not making much sense because I don't speak perfect english