How are things with you?

Everyone I know is dead... how are things with you? My wife's soul has been kidnapped by a psychopathic, sadistic demon warden who is probably a rapist. I was forced to kill all my friends and family because I was framed for the murder of the elder who was also close to me. Wait a sec... this isn't alcoholics anonymous, is it? I watched my entire village be slaughtered and right when I rose to take my revenge, nobody opposed me. Same here except with a demon pit that burned off my pants and replaced them. Everyone I know wants to kill me. And I am trying to force myself to like moon pies, but it is difficult. My ship and arm got blown up by a card shark and a guy with a shotgun chewing nicotine gum. I was sentenced to death by my king and literally stabbed in the back as I watched my home turn into an undead wasteland, and I slowly lose myself every day in this writhing mass of souls. I can't even make decisions anymore, restaurants have become hell. Everyone I know is a lie... shut it, Skaarl. My people are probably already died because I dicked around here instead of finding the moonstone. The weight of millions watching me forces me to keep silent and emotionless to give them hope in a strong champion. I lost my brother and mentally replaced him with an eagle. I think I was once somebody's brother but was considered dead. I try time and again to help people but they consider me a madman and try to kill me. Also my third arm wants an allowance from me now. I don't even know if I'm in this timeline. Wait, what is that blue box flying around here...? Hot Topic near my house got closed down the other day and my stupid mom kept bothering me with dumb sentimental stuff. Ok, we'll convene next week. Same time. Guys, what about m- HAVE A NICE WEEK, EVERYONE! Everyone walks out ...I wish I could say I had a home to go to...

Fin