Joke Thread
I'll start.
The Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my house the other day and were banging on my door, but instead of talking about Jesus they were yelling “Let us out of the basement!”
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Most League of Legends jokes are corny. Except with Soraka, they are unicorny.
The bartender walks into a bar, Urgot is at the counter.
Shaco walks into a bar, Then Shaco walks into the bar
Then Darius walks into the bar, there were no survivors.
i once pissed a guy off with only saying dat teemo is a good item
Once there was a man named Bob. Bob was about the most boring and uninteresting person in the world. He was average in pretty much every way. He worked 9 to 5 at a cubicle farm, at a job he didn't like much, but didn't really hate. He had occasional bouts with depression, but nothing particularly bad. He wasn't exactly shy, but people made him very nervous, so he didn't really have any friends.
It was, in fact, his very blandness that sent him to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, I'm bored with my life. I don't do anything, I don't know anyone. I'm afraid I'm going to die alone."
The doctor smiled. "Bob, you need to find something to excite you again. What was the last thing you can remember really enjoying?"
Bob thought about this for a time before answering, haltingly, "Well... when I was about 8 or so... my parents took me to the circus. It was amazing, and I really enjoyed it. I remember I couldn't stop talking about it for days!"
The doctor nodded and pulled a flyer from a drawer in his desk. "Well, then, Bob, that's my prescription for you. The circus will be in town in a week, and I want you to go. Enjoy it! It'll be an experience you can share with your co-workers, and perhaps begin making new friends. This will be good for you, Bob."
So Bob went home and bought tickets to the circus. He spent the next week at the edge of his seat. He finally had an answer when his co-workers asked what his plans were for the weekend. "I'm going to the circus," he'd tell them. He found himself excited to get up in the morning.
Finally, the day of the circus came, and Bob spent the whole day preparing. He arrived half an hour early to find his seat in the big tent. He watched the tightrope walkers and fire-eaters and clowns with glee, until all of the lights suddenly cut out.
Spotlights lit up a microphone at the top of the tent, and followed its winding path down to the middle of the ring, where it was caught by Bonzo the clown. "Ladies and gentlemen," Bonzo said, "I have a question for one of you." And the spotlights broke up, dancing around the crowd, while Bob laughed and applauded, until they came to a stop... right on Bob.
"Stand up, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Bonzo asked. Bob nodded.
"Sir, are you the horse's head?"
Bob shook his head. "No, clown."
"Oh. Are you the horse's legs?"
Bob shook his head. "No, clown."
"Well, then, sir. If you're not the horse's head, and you're not the horse's legs, then you must be the horse's ASS!"
The lights broke and scattered again, as everyone in the audience laughed, and Bob slowly sank back down into his seat, absolutely mortified. The next time the lights went down, he left, going back to his boring life, feeling worse than ever.
Some months later, as he was leaving work, Bob saw a sign. It said, "Belittled? Berated? Learn to outwit and insult the people that would put you down! Classes are just $30 a month!" Bob smiled. He decided that he would attend these classes, and get revenge on that clown.
Over the next few months, Bob excelled in his new classes. He quickly rose to the top of the class. When offered a position, he quit his job to teach insults and witty comebacks. He attended competitions and won awards. And years after starting that first class, on his way out after a class, he saw a sign on the front of the building: "The circus is coming to town!" And Bob smiled. Finally.
That night, he bought his tickets, some months early. He very carefully made sure to get the exact seat he'd had last time. He spent the weeks giddily, showing a new and refreshing vigor to his students. Indeed, some of them learned more in the weeks leading up to the Circus than they had in the months before that. Finally, eventually, the night of the circus came.
Bob got there early, sat in his seat and waited. He waited through the fire-eaters. He waited through the tight-rope walkers. He waited through the clown car set and finally, finally, the lights cut out.
(Continued)
Why doesn't a potato play League?
Because there is no one to peel for it.
"Listen mortals as I speak the word of......Micheal Boulton."
I just read all of that long ass joke. I dont get it.
Rek'sai walks into a bar. All the floorboards break into pieces
What did the Jewish pedophile say to the child?
"Hey kid, would you like to buy some candy?"