Champion Roast Marathon: Demacian Edition

Hm... for some reason Demacia always seems to have sunny weather... I hope we get some rain soon... Jarvan! Er... I mean, your highness, king, sir! Hm? Oh, a little blue imp. How can I help you? Blue imp... er... yes, I just wanted to say it is an honor, sir! Well, of course, strangely-skinned little girl. Say, are you one of those dragonfolk like Shyvana? My king... that is supposed to be a secret... Oh, right! Haha, dragon folk don't exist, silly me! Well, little girl, I have work to do, so- I'm not a little imp girl, you gold-clad cleft-chinned spiky failure of a Demacian Prince! Whoa... uh... Alright, pig-tails. Apologize or you're mince meat. I'll roast you to a simmer, too. What are you going to do, tank top? Use your wrist guards to backhand me? Please, you wouldn't even be able to swing this hammer. My king, I would like permission to tear apart this impish, impudent little creature! ...cleft-chinned... am I really cleft-chinned? Argh... damn it. Look what you've done, you've made him self-aware again! Good. Maybe he should take a look in the mirror before he comes out looking like that. How dare you insult my king, you bronze kettle pot! I'm not... bronze... I... Justice shall prevail upon you and your woolen wig! This is... my real hair... sniffle Use your hammer to pound the final nail in your coffin! Please... Not the just- # JUSTICE! A giant sword slams into Poppy and she falls below the earth That should do it. Garen! You just ruined the square! It was necessary. For justice. URGH! I've had it with you and your obsession with justice and screaming Demacia too much and putting too much faith in the people- Uh... Lux... -and your dumb jokes when working out and your bad haircut and your immensely decorated armor and your dumb blue scarf that doesn't protect you at all- Lux. -and your unwieldy broadsword and the way you look at that red-haired Noxian assassin and the way you always call me 'Luxie' when you want me to pay attention- Luxie! DON'T CALL ME THAT! We are in the presence of Prince Jarvan... Actually, he went back to the castle. Said he needed a mirror. Well, at least he is safe. Hm... I heard the prince was around here... would have been nice to meet him. Oh hey look it's Blade! ...who the hell is Blade? My name is Lucian- Heh hah hah! No, no, he's Morpheus and Mace Windu's lovechild! I do not know who any of these people are... and I don't think those are my parents' names... "I'm tired of all these motherf%cking snakes on this motherf%cking plane!" ...this is starting to become insulting... I smell black magicks. Alright, female batman said it. I'm out of here. Black magicks are leaving the area... I'm here. I saw the explosion. It was Garen. Luxanna Crownguard, do not lie in the presence of a Demacian Scout and some pale lady with a crossbow. I would strike you down if you weren't too stupid to practice magic. That's my brother, you librarian monster hunter! Squawk VALOR! What did the bird say? He said that... uh... the lady with the catsuit should get with the times and stop trying to make fashion statements... OHOHOHOOOOO! What are you giggling about?!? You don't know about the fashion crisis of 15 years ago? Heh! Even I know about it! Ugh. I'm leaving. If I stay here you'll drain my intelligence like petricite drains magic. Yeekh. Good riddance, I say. Oh. It's you. Well, eef eet eezent ze Exemplar of shame himself. If it isn't the pink stripe of shame herself. I see you are still sour about our... duel. If you call attacking me in a crowd unarmed a duel, then you can call it that. My, my. It seems war makes men careless in combat. Not to be rude, lady, but you've never SEEN a battlefield. Neither have you, scout. I fight my own battles for my country. Not for sport. I once fought for sport. Look where I am. Your hair is graying, though. How long can you last? Who knows? I probably won't see old age because I will die on the battlefield. Unlike some. Oho! It seems I am the object of everyone's hatred. However, let me remind you that Miss Air-headed Cheerleader- Hey! -and Miss Plates and Freckles- Growls angrily -ok, that was weird. And Mr. "I put the 'dumbass' in Demacia"- DEMACIA YOU CRETIN! -and Miss Bird B*tch- I believe that last word is your formal title. -and Miss Edgelady who just left- ###### I HEAR BLACK MAGICKS! -and one of us clearly doesn't belong here... Here's an idea: go back home before it is tea time. Charmed. Plays a melody Quiet, sugar tits. Whoa, whoa, hold on now. That's where I draw the line, little angry flea insect! WHAT THE HELL IZ ZAT THING?!? Agreed, that thing is freaking me out. And Valor just flew off to save himself. You're being awfully mean to poor old Sona, she makes such beautiful music! I-I-I have to dash out of here! No getting through me! OW! I'm going to slice you, you die today! NOT LIKE THIS! Va te faire foutre, you Petite bleu créature! You're not going anywhere, coattail and yoga pants! I thought it was black magicks I smelled here... whaaa... Hullo! WHITE MAGICKS, WHITE MAGICKS, RUN AWAAAAY! Ults, shoots a condemn at Galio and tumbles away Watches condemn bolt bounce harmlessly off ankle Oh. What's this? I've finally fixed my cleft chin! My Prince... your jaw is broken... I would have expected anybody here to roast me. But you, Xin Zhao? You? I trusted you! Here we go again... Well, you know what? Your breastplate looks like a clock and your sleeves look like curtains! THERE! I SAID IT! Wait, that guy with the edgy spiky golden armor is Jarvan IV? NOW THE GIRL WITH THE STUPID BATTLE STANCE IS MOCKING ME! My prince, calm down... Stop being nice to me, Shyvana! I don't want to be a part of your dirty shipping fanbase! ...what?!? Blushes Garen, how could you?!? ...they were in your room... Blushes Er... let's... go home... beforethisgetsworseomg... Oh, yes. I had a lot of fun distributing those. You @#%#&! Transforms into a dragon Ooh, a playmate!

##Legends say the chaos that ensued would be recorded in legends, such as this one.

Fin

######PS: I literally decided to make this one only because of the Dumbass-ia joke.