I need some puns.

This Is Your Dad·5/10/2019, 6:43:58 AM·2 votes·1,764 views

I'm not feeling in a good spot right now. I need some puns to get me through the next few days so I don't feel so alone that I end up kicking the bucket. Any puns are fine, not just league ones. Thanks guys.

6 Comments

PermaJinxed5/10/2019, 8:26:34 AM2 votes

Got two bad jokes for you then..... Both are punny.

A man is invited to a costume party for Halloween. The host says the theme is emotions. The man begins planning his costume. "I could just paint my whole body red for rage, or green for envy...... But man, those are lame ideas. I need something different....something unique."
Finally the week of the party he comes up with his idea. He goes get what he needs and heads to the party. The host opens the door and there is the man, stark naked with a pear shoved over his junk.... "The hell are you supposed to be?!" "Bro! Can't you see I'm deep in dis pear?"

Second one:

After a party on Halloween night a man decides to walk home since he lives not far away. It's incredibly foggy out.... Like 10 foot visibility foggy.... After a couple blocks he begins hearing a rather rhythmic banging. He stops... "Hello?"..... No answer... Only banging... A block later the banging is still just as loud.... BANG.... BANG... BANG Another block of hasty walking and the fog clears up. He looks around and catches movement from where he just walled out of the fog. A casket is hopping towards him from out of the fog. BANG... BANG... BANG "Holy crap!" He turns and dead sprints home. BANG... BANG... BANG He runs across his lawn and to the front door. BANG... BANG...BANG After fumbling with his keys he gets the door open and runs inside and up the stairs. It's right in front of his house... BANG... BANG... BANG He dashes into his bathroom and slams the door, locking it. He then ducks between his toilet and sink. It's coming up the stairs. BANG...BANG...BANG It's in the hallway. BANG...BANG...BANG The door splinters open... BANG He grabs the nearest item....the toilet brush... He throws it. BANG Next item: his toothpaste.... BANG Next item: a bottle of Robitussin The coffin stops......

[slayer-jinx-wink]