It's been 25 months of me being held hostage by the client

It all started as innocent attempt to play ARAM. I even was greeted by the loading screen, as If the fate wanted to tease me. Then the crash happened. It all went down so fast. Last thing I remember I am restarting my computer, attempting to get back as soon as possible. Merely a text saying "Game is still in progress..." flashed before my eyes... But there was no Reconnect button.

First few days, I held onto hope like Nunu holds onto Willump. I though: Surely there is a way. Perhaps they'll realize their server is on fire fast. Maybe they'll send help. If I'm lucky, I may try one last ARAM tonight. It was by the week's end I knew this is bad. There was no help on the horizont, no chance of support.

The next months were marked by sign of depression, misery and random swings of histeric laughter. I managed to find source of fresh water, but the storms are cruel, the nights are cold and the food supplies ever tightening. At mornings I always woke up with desperate thought that perhaps this all was but a dram. A nightmare, cast by Nocturne. But everytime I am welcomed by the same "Game is still in progress...".

On the fifth month I found a pineapple. I named him Doris. He identifies as peach. A vegetable one. I carved eyes, mouth and something extra for me to Doris so he may assume humanoid form. Doris didn't seem pleased. Perhaps the knife was too sharp. Or I suck at carving smile. We had silent night that day.

There was a spark of hopeful light at the end of the first year. I thought I saw a ship. For a second I wasn't sure, maybe I am just going crazy, but Doris assured me that he and Mrs. Unicornetta both saw it too. I figured If we can make large bonfire, we could create signal visible enough for the ship. Larry the Talking Palm Tree volunteered to be burned alive for the pyre. I think he went completely nuts. But we had no other choice. And I wanted his bananas.

The ship never came back. Pyre probably wasn't big enough. Which is strange because Aunt Beachrock accidentally set the entire island on fire. Clumsy obnoxious alcoholic. I must admit I contemplated killing her at night but it would totally devastate Sir Colacan, who has been hitting on her for a week now. I like Sir Colacan too much to do this to him.

I spent the entire next year coming into terms with the situation. At least I wasn't alone. Strangely, the longer I was there, the more people joined. Some of them cool people. Others totally insane. At times, I felt like the only normal person on the island. That is, me and Lady Deadcrab. We made a little hut on the beach. She has surprise for me. I think she's pregnant. I've been thinking about it. I am not ready for that commitment. Rising a child? In this economy?

Lady Deadcrab convinced me to write this message, put it into bottle and let is flow with the waves. She thinks it may reach civilization. That help may still come. I am much less convinced. But I have nothing else to lose. The only thing that, thankfully, still remains, is my sanity. But for how long? Will I end up like Governor Expiredsandwitch? Mumbling nonsense for days long? Stabbed seven times in sleep? I think Doris did it. I never trusted the pineapple. He always had weird expression on his face.

Send help.