I posted this on GD a few days ago and the guys liked it so might as well share it with you guys. Found the joke somewhere in the internet a while back.
A programmers wife asks his husband to go buy groceries. Wife says "buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs buy a dozen". The husband returned with 12 loafs of bread.
Here is a collection of great coding comments.
I have copied a few of my favourites down below.
// // Dear maintainer: // // Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine, // and have realized what a terrible mistake that was, // please increment the following counter as a warning // to the next guy: // // total_hours_wasted_here = 42 //
// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will // have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets // released into the public.
//Dear future me. Please forgive me. //I can't even begin to express how sorry I am.
// If this comment is removed the program will blow up
try {
} catch (SQLException ex) { // Basically, without saying too much, you're screwed. Royally and totally. } catch(Exception ex) { //If you thought you were screwed before, boy have I news for you!!! }
// At this point, I'd like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD // format. PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it // such would be an insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD // is an abysmal format. Having worked on this code for several weeks now, my // hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire that burns with the fierce passion // of a million suns. // // If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in // different places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would // think of, and do those too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for // instance, did it suddenly decide that these particular chunks should be // aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement should not be included in // the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned, or aligned with // the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included. Either // one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one. // PSD, of course, uses all three, and more. // // Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the // attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark // attack on his 58th birthday. That last detail may not be important for the // purposes of the simile, but at this point I am spending a lot of time // imagining amusing fates for the people responsible for this Rube Goldberg of // a file format. // // Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format. // To do this, I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have // them consider sending me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing // them a copy of some document or other, probably signed in blood. I can only // imagine that they make this process so difficult because they are intensely // ashamed of having created this abomination. I was naturally not gullible // enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done so, I would have // printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire. Were it // within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch // them on a spaceship directly into the sun. // // PSD is not my favourite file format.
[zombie-brand-facepalm]
That's a great joke.... it's one of my favorites...
Can anybody post the code to this? (yes I understand it but I haven't programmed a thing in years)
