long and wordy title basically saying "go make ur favorite ability sound cooler than it is"
Q: Become a parkour ninja and archer master at the same time. Who needs 
when you can shoot 3 bolts without it??
Ascend to the heavens, slamming into the ground with the force of the blazing fury of the Darkin race, throwing cowards from their feet.
Aatrox Q.
Get so drunk that I can't really feel pain(or my crippling depression) and then slam my oversized homebrew keg on someone's head.
E: Drop a smoking hot barrel full of live explosives right next to the enemy's face. Man, they won't even have the time to finish saying "oh sh-" before it blows their limbs apart. But wait, there's more. You can wombo combo this stuff to make sure you don't even have to be within range of that Xerath ult. That Xerath just screwed himself over by willingly CCing himself, only to get hit by your massive chain of gunpowder and steel. That Xerath is now probably begging the mighty Gangplank, Reaver King, to spare his miserable little life. But who cares? These barrels work on a charge system, no cooldown needed. Just drop another one on his pansy beardless face and watch his health bar melt before your eyes. Oh wait, his friend, the tank shows up? Gangplank gives no f**ks. Just watch your barrel melt him just as fast 'cuz it ignore 40% of their armor. Look at these little tanks, thinkin' they can out live the Godplank? With that damage? You'll be sending these bronze a$$ players back to the little elo hole they just tried to climb out of.
With all the willpower you can muster, stab your weapon into the ground, and speak an instantaneous prayer to the Goddess of Justice, to call down her wrath upon this most horrid, vile, repulsive and deplorable piece of scum who has DARED to perform felonies in your presence. Then weep tears of joy as she answers your prayer, in the form of her golden, glorious sword that you could only WISH to be worthy to gaze upon, as it ends the miserable life of the reprobate.
This ability can literally one-shot anyone in the entire game. Its damage is unavoidable, and it can have as low as a 2 second CD. Are you a Malphite with 3K HP and 600 Armor? One shot. Infernal Drake? One shot. Elder Drake? One shot. Baron? One shot. THIS ABILITY CAN LITERALLY ONE SHOT GOD HIMSELF! Its damage is literally infinite.
I am talking about the Nasus Q.
Twitch W: LAUNCH AOE TRUE DAMAGE
R: Schrodinger's ultimate. The Schaco you see both is and is not the clone until you have killed it and find out your mistake the truth. If you see both Shacos, then he's just trying to fuck with your mind and make you go crazy.
That's... pretty much it. You just screw with people.
: Xin Zhao uses his long, hard spear to knock up unsuspecting people.
R: With the fury of the heavens shrouding me, I descent upon my nemesis, becoming an unstoppable, unkillable, inescapable force of death, akin to a hurricane. None can stand in my way, not even the strongest wall, for I am fury incarnate, and for my mortal enemy, I am demise incarnate.
Pre-Rework 
Ultimate:
With judgmental eyes, select one of your foes upon whom your utter disdain and pure justice will reign down upon, allowing you to shrug off their ally's effectiveness against you, as your mighty blows strike true upon your chosen rival. None can stop you, none may cease your furious application of proper Demacian Justice, Not even the Almighty Towers shall find purchase upon your flesh, for you are UNSTOPPABLE.
Charge up your stored cosmic energy, to bind enemies in their place, stunning them because the blunt force of your power is too great.
Store a shrine of your ultimate cosmic power for your allies to use, healing and buffing their movespeed, to prep them for the future fights that you foresee.
Create a portal, that can take you through walls and guide you as the wanderer in your journey.
Use your pentultimate ability, completely changing an area of the fields of justice into gold, protecting and preserving everything caught in it. After a short time, whatever you turned to gold will change back.
E you protect your fukking team from dying and it can potentially block an infinite amount of damage during the 3 second duration.
also don't forget that you get 40% damage reduction for yourself while its up
(i blocked about 4 k damage once with it by catching a veigar ult and draven axes at the same time and some other stuff)
Q Swish swing swipe, jumping around like some kind of monkey on caffeine, able to leap over impossible barricades. Blow everyone away as you meteor smash into the ground that cracks under your very power. Mulan wishes she had skills like this one with all the swiftness of a coursing river, being as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
FIRE A GIANT FREAKING LAZER THAT PIERCES EVERYTHING AND WITH THE CLASSIC 6 RABADON BUILD WILL ONE SHOT ANYONE!!!!
of course I refer to xerath q
Galio was once a good champion who healed to full each time you pressed w in a minion wave (only slight exaggeration)
E: Dash with unmatched alacrity at a foe and dexterously parkour off their face, starting a backflip/olympic-long-jump that lands you in the perfect position to pelt people precisely with powerful crossbow shots, as your awe-inspiring eagle distracts your opponent with how rad it is.
(Bonus round with opposite effect) Q: Chuck your dumb bird at an enemy
E: Unlimited Dashes with no cooldown
R: you are under a tornado warning, seek shelter immediately! Most injuries associated with high winds are from flying debris, so remember to protect your head. Then: Go to a pre-designated area such as a safe room, basement, storm cellar, or the lowest building level. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ITS King KONG spinning on a stick!
Q:
A 110% Total AD Ability with low CD, good base damage on top of that, low mana, cooldown reset that also grants him AS, and procs on hit effects
As much as I love Taric my favourite ability from a thematic standpoint would probably be this:
The very heavens twist and bend above you. You feel drawn closer and closer as matter and eventually light itself is sucked into the hole in the sky. Then with the forces unlike any you have observed dark matter rains down from the black hole above, raining a swath of destruction down upon the land about you.
Veigar W. Just the idea that his magic can create dark matter and black holes at will is mind boggling to me and is what makes Veigar's abilities some of my favourite. Not that his abilities need much exaggeration when compared to the reality.
R: 420 noscopes 4 scrubs 4 times in 4 seconds e4ch bullet doing 4,444,444,444 true d4m4ge. 4th shot is super charged with the le4gue community h4te on rito's b4l4nce te4m de4ling indescrib4ble 4mounts of true godly faker gameplay 4/4 d4m4ge.
make a wall so powerful the sheer force of the awe and wonder it evokes causes flying creatures to crash to the ground.
"Snipe the mid laner who thinks hes safe backing under his tower but wait whats that, a shock blast coming at you at full speed!"
Q+E
Spin with godly speed and send your foes flying into the air, unable to do anything as you shred their health bar.
R:
Launch a barrage of pure magical energy from such a range that your enemy has no hope of responding. Each of these missiles can devastate an enemy, severely injuring them with one or two, or potentially killing them with more.
Now to make it sound pitiful.
Become the ultimate spitball shooter. You can shoot spitballs pretty far, and while one is oftentimes just annoying, you can shoot several in rapid succession.
W: OH MY GOD 5 DIFFERENT ULTIMATES MY WAY WITH e812e89217478128147 SUMMONER SPELLS!? WHAT DO YOU DO? PARRY RIPOSTE WHATEVER IT WORKS
His ult Drains all nearby enemies of their blood, both empowering him by making his sword longer and hit faster and dealing damage to each enemy hit.
Realistically: Become a descent champ for 8-10 seconds
garen ulti and darius passive at the same time
hahahahhahaha truenoxianmight explained me jhin's passive like this once
Pick a target.
If they're alone, they're fucked because now you're hitting them 5 times and they can't do shit to you. If they have allies, they're still fucked because you bought Ravenous Hydra and the splash damage is healing a massive chunk of your health bar because none of them can touch you. If your target somehow survives, you land next to them ready to resume the assault from your other 3 abilities and you have a much more full HP bar to do it with. And god forbid they flash as you target them, because you will follow them regardless and they just singled themselves out for your sword. While you're dancing around the enemy champions, even if they sit under a turret it can try to fire at you but it won't ever be able to do that.
(There were several hints as to the ability I described, which doesn't currently exist in League but has.)
Channel the power of the universe through your body, unleashing untapped inner strength, to kick your opponent's soul from existence.
Inside: Create an entire solar system with many happy lives as it grows over your presence. They live many prosperous lives as their universe expands. But at one moment they realize the end will be soon. They see a flash, but nothing happened. They cheer, but it is interrupted as their creator disappears, then they all vanish from existence.
Outside: 
: I'm casting Q from mid to roam top. casts Q then E's to keep up
: Oh $**T! flashes away
: Oh, I missed, but I got his 
. _Turns away then Q explodes _ .
: ding ching (I feel a disturbance)
R
You take a Glamorous Pose and your Outrageous theme begins to play as you say "Utsukushiku suru junbi o suru!" You then begin to yell as you charge to powers of the cosmo's creating a glimmering orb of pure beauty. You then thrust downwards in another Amazing pose screaming at the top of your lungs "MUTEKI NO KAKOKUNA BI!!!!!" Making you, your soul mate, and all of your friends in the ray so beautiful, that no one would dare harm you for 2.5 seconds
