So, Azir walks into a bar(d)...
BARD-TENDER. I REQUIRE A DRINK.
?
SOMETHING THAT HAS SAND IN IT.
Shakes head
YOU DARE DENY ME?!?
Shrugs
FINE. THEN SURPRISE ME.
Puts ginger ale in a shot glass and hands it to Azir
#2 minutes later...
Oh, for goodness' sake I leave you alone for one minute...
SIVIR! HIC LET'S BUILD AN EMPIRE... OUT OF SAND!
What the hell did you give him?
Shows the bottle of ginger ale
Figures. He can't take an ounce of alcohol.
SIVIR, GRABBA DRINK AND COME SIT WITH ME! I WANNA TELL YA ABOUT MY FRIEND XERATH-
Yeah, no. You're coming home.
BUT WHAIII?!?
Because I'm trying to drown my sorrow in my drink and IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I WILL FREAKNN WAAAARGHbobo-
Throws meep with tranquilizer on it
Slouches to the ground
I'll have some sunshine. If not, sparkling wine will do.
Inquiring chime
I'm not here for a drink. I'm here to get rid of your spirit problem.
Understanding chime
Pulls out spirit sword There you are!
Spooky 
YO HO HO! YE'LL NEVER CATCH ME WITH ME ORANGES!
Quietly licking his drink out of his glass while mass mayhem goes on in the background
Vaiteh! I weell have vine.
Cocks head
Sits down and turns face away while resting head on chin I don't care vat kind.
Lady, he doesn't serve plants here, he says.
Vat?!? How dare yoo insult me!
Pours rest of drink into eye sockets You wanna go?
Pulls out sword It vill be my pleasah.
Then put the sword away. We're going to the local carnival to win all the games. They have this really cool lava lamp post I wanna win.
Zis infuriating man... haz me intrigued. Sheathes sword
Did my shipment of cigars come in yet?
Shakes head
Darn it.
Bard! I am confused. I had four drinks, which should be perfection. Yet, I am not satiated. What does it mean?!?
Thinks deeply, then shrugs
Pulls back head in agony GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nasus! Great timing! Take Azir home.
But this is my favorite bar...
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Defeated Sigh Azir, let's go.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I... SHALL... RETURN!
Look, Bard! I balanced the glasses on the stars, and now they're rotating around me! How cool is that!
Nods approvingly
Comes out from the back room covered in orange juice, panting Finished. May I... borrow a towel?
#Thank you for reading my shitty post.
