Azir's Day Out

AH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY. AND FOR ONCE, I DON'T HAVE A HANGOVER! That's because they brought out the drinks after your bedtime- WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, SUNNY DAY! NASUS, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO MY CHAMBERS? I've been trying to wake you up for 15 minutes to report that 2 of the villages to the north are under att- WHAT WAS THAT? YOU CAME TO REPORT HOW BEAUTIFUL THE WEATHER IS? WHY, HOW KIND OF YOU! Azir, people are dyi- Throws open the curtains I FEEL LIKE I COULD BREAK OUT IN SONG! I need the ok for military dispatchm- I CAN SHOW ME THE WOOOOOORLD! Azir, do you give permission to deploy troops? DEPLOY TROOPS? WHAT FOR? NOTHING IS AMISS TODAY! For... sigh ...for a parade they're holding in the North Village. HOW SPLENDID, WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SO SOONER? WHILE YOU ARE AT IT, WOULD YOU BE A DEAR AND SUMMON SIVIR TO MY THRONE ROOM? TELL HER IT IS A MATTER OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE AND URGENCY. Fine. #45 minutes later, in Azir's throne room... AH, SIVIR, YOU HAVE ARRIVED! I came half an hour ago. What was taking you so long? A LOCUST CAME INTO MY THRONE ROOM AND IT WANTED TO PLAY A GAME WITH ME! What was the important matter you had me come for? I JUST WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU SOME OF THIS DELICIOUS CAKE MY MOTHER MADE ME! ...you're holding a bunch of sand. TRY SOME! IT'S BETTER THAN IT LOOKS! I swear, I prefer when you're drunk or asleep... COME ENJOY THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY WITH ME, SIVIR! Did you have something urgent to tell me or not?!? YES, I DID. BUT IT'S SOMETHING I CANNOT SHARE WITH MOST. COME CLOSER. Cautiously and reluctantly comes closer to Azir CLOSER. Sighs and walks up to Azir face-to-face ###### THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYBODY BEFORE, AND I WANTED YOU TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW... Raises eyebrow TAG, YOU'RE IT! God DAMN IT, I'm leaving! HAVE A GOOD DAY, SIVIR! ###### Screw you! AH. LET ME TAKE A STROLL OUTSIDE AND ABSORB SOME OF THIS SUNLIGHT. MWUAHAHAHAHAAA! Your empire shall BURN, Azir! WHY, HELLO, XERATH! LOVELY DAY, ISN'T IT? ...what? What kind of foolish ploy is this? WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME INSIDE FOR SOME CAKE? ...did you say cake- NO, I DO NOT! You are trying to trick me! IT'S MY MOTHER'S RECIPE! SHE MADE IT HERSELF! Your lies are becoming more and more insulting to my intelligence. WELL, I MADE A FRIEND WITH A LOCUST THIS MORNING. HE SAID HE HAD A FRIEND WHO WAS A SCARAB WHO LIVED OUT IN THIS GARDEN HERE! You're irritating and confusing me. No trap you have set can destroy me! I AM POWER INCARNATE! ##A rain of fire ensues, blasting towers off of Azir's palace. I SEE. SO THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. Precisely. Your destruction is my purpo- JENGA! I KNEW YOU WOULD LOVE THAT GAME EVENTUALLY! ...I never liked Jenga, I never will like Jenga, and you are getting on my NERVES! ##Shoots fire, and incinerates the sand Azir was holding YOU... HOW DARE YOU... ...what? # HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY MOTHER'S CAKE! You wish to fight me? Then prepare yourself for- Haaaaaaaaaaaaa... Screaming will not do you any good, fool- -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... What are you doing- ## -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!? # -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA The earth is shaking? WHAT?!? # AND THIS IS TO GO EVEN FURTHER BEYOND! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! IMPOSSIBLE! Transforms into a glowing, golden chicken DIE! Fires a blast TORI-KOSAPPO! Screams and evaporates ...I'M GOING TO GO GET A DRINK.

Fin.

Happy Birthday, TyrekGoldenSpear. This is my shitty gift to you.