Joke thread for the people currently stuck in login

DevilishMetal·Feb 26, 2016·10 votes·2,172 views

Tell me your best jokes! Or maybe even your worst! I think we all just need something to keep us from going crazy in this login queue.

39 Comments

FrostaehFeb 26, 201615 votes

So there were three men that died and went to Heaven (Jim, Mark, and John). When they got there St. Peter welcomed them through mighty gates and into his office. The three men then asked why they saw a large amount of ducks running around to which St. Peter responded with, "I don't know, God just likes Ducks." St. Peter then explained that there was only one rule in Heaven and that was: don't hurt the ducks. The men said that they understood and they went on their way, but at the bottom of the stairs coming from St. Peter's office Jim stepped on a duck, the duck then quacked and moved along. St. Peter then shook his head and came down and attached a 6ft long eternal chain to Jim's ankle, at the end of it was the ugliest girl he had ever seen in his entire life and now he was stuck with her. St. Peter then disappeared and the other two men went on their way. A couple of weeks had passed and both Mark and John had managed to avoid stepping on a duck until one day when Mark wasn't paying attention and heard a quack as he took a step. St. Peter then appeared, shook his head, and attached a 6ft long eternal chain to Mark's ankle, at the end was the ugliest girl he had ever seen. St. Peter then disappeared and John went on his way. Months had passed and John was begging to go insane trying to avoid hurting any ducks until one night while he was laying in bed and St. Peter appeared and attached a 6ft long eternal chain to his ankle. At the end of the chain was the most gorgeous girl that John had ever seen, she was perfect and stunning in every way. St. Peter then disappeared and John asked the woman, "What is going on?" To which she replied, "I don't know, I just stepped on a duck."

DicersonFeb 27, 20161 votes

{quoted}

So there were three men that died and went to Heaven (Jim, Mark, and John). When they got there St. Peter welcomed them through mighty gates and into his office. The three men then asked why they saw a large amount of ducks running around to which St. Peter responded with, "I don't know, God just likes Ducks." St. Peter then explained that there was only one rule in Heaven and that was: don't hurt the ducks. The men said that they understood and they went on their way, but at the bottom of the stairs coming from St. Peter's office Jim stepped on a duck, the duck then quacked and moved along. St. Peter then shook his head and came down and attached a 6ft long eternal chain to Jim's ankle, at the end of it was the ugliest girl he had ever seen in his entire life and now he was stuck with her. St. Peter then disappeared and the other two men went on their way. A couple of weeks had passed and both Mark and John had managed to avoid stepping on a duck until one day when Mark wasn't paying attention and heard a quack as he took a step. St. Peter then appeared, shook his head, and attached a 6ft long eternal chain to Mark's ankle, at the end was the ugliest girl he had ever seen. St. Peter then disappeared and John went on his way. Months had passed and John was begging to go insane trying to avoid hurting any ducks until one night while he was laying in bed and St. Peter appeared and attached a 6ft long eternal chain to his ankle. At the end of the chain was the most gorgeous girl that John had ever seen, she was perfect and stunning in every way. St. Peter then disappeared and John asked the woman, "What is going on?" To which she replied, "I don't know, I just stepped on a duck."

OUCH THAT GUY JUST GOT HIS SHIT REKT

LostFr0stFeb 26, 201612 votes

Yorick walks into a bar... there is no counter.

ZGM DazzlingFeb 26, 20164 votes

... there is no rework.

fify

LostFr0stFeb 26, 20162 votes

Welp looks like that joke didn't go over well. How 'bout this one: https://youtu.be/pi5x9LgBdMQ?t=58

Edit: upon watching the episodes again I have to warn people some of the jokes are rather harsh.

SkelenthFeb 26, 20162 votes

I laughed more than I think I should have

Shroom JunkieFeb 26, 20162 votes

"No, my grandma just died..." "Well... she isn't going anywhere then."

VikingzTVFeb 26, 201610 votes

Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mom! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”

ASTROFORCEFeb 26, 20166 votes

Dota 2

LezbianLizard69Feb 26, 20167 votes

Call of Duty

SkelenthFeb 26, 20161 votes

Skyrim

Am I doing it right?

Dat cool kidFeb 27, 20161 votes

no. never insult Skyrim. ever

ZorasamaFeb 27, 20161 votes

[{quoted}](name=Dat cool kid,realm=NA,application-id=Ir7ZrJjF,discussion-id=9lQJZAE2,comment-id=0008000000000000,timestamp=2016-02-27T01:34:30.800+0000)

no. never insult Skyrim. ever

Bad Rats > Skyrim

KrigjerFeb 26, 20166 votes

The one that always makes me laugh in skype no matter what's going on:

Why does Yasuo never get locked out of his house?.... Cause... he Hasaki!

TormentulaFeb 26, 20165 votes

The joke's on you. Shaco

theArtifactsFeb 26, 20164 votes

Blitzcrank Want to go out? Grab a pizza? Teemo ... (sits around on the couch as he did all day, camouflaged) ...

...

Blitzcrank You're dull.

Space Boy Lynk Feb 26, 20163 votes

Yo momma's so fat, that she gains experience from all the lanes. Yo momma's so ugly, even Lee Sin didn't want her.

That's all I have. I'll think of more, maybe.

NaUgHtyKid24Feb 26, 20161 votes

XD Plz do

ltmetalFeb 26, 20163 votes

Poppy Jokes? Yeah, I know jokes!

Rimfex1234Feb 26, 20162 votes

Well now I can't even get in the queue, just instant rejection

Edit: Now I can, a minute after that post, magic is real

theArtifactsFeb 26, 20161 votes

{quoted}

Well now I can't even get in the queue, just instant rejection

You timed out. Happened to me as well. Give it a few minutes and login again - you'll be back in the queue.

La BarbotteFeb 26, 20162 votes

Shen if light is so fast, how come it never caught a ninja

Kusa RyoFeb 27, 20162 votes

Why do all black people like running? I don't know; they stop it after the second shot. Why are all black people fast? Because the slow ones are in prison. Why is Lucian the only exception to this joke? He still pretends walking deserves a cooldown.

Shroom JunkieFeb 27, 20161 votes

Not sure if I should downvote for the racism, or upvote for the punchline...

CarryFeb 27, 20162 votes

Lee Sin walks into a bar... and a chair and a table.

IplownedyouFeb 26, 20161 votes

Lord ButtsuitFeb 26, 20161 votes

I'm gonna throw a brick threw Riot's windshield

theArtifactsFeb 26, 20165 votes

[{quoted}](name=Lord Buttsuit,realm=NA,application-id=Ir7ZrJjF,discussion-id=9lQJZAE2,comment-id=0003,timestamp=2016-02-26T20:52:57.073+0000)

I'm gonna throw a brick threw Riot's windshield

If you were going to throw a brick.. Why did you throw Riot's windshield?

LostFr0stFeb 26, 20162 votes

LMAO

Shroom JunkieFeb 27, 20161 votes

http://i.imgur.com/KLThDKx.png

theArtifactsFeb 27, 20161 votes

{quoted}

http://i.imgur.com/KLThDKx.png

"Grammer Nazi"... It was a spelling error bud. http://i.imgur.com/iWKad22.jpg

Shroom JunkieFeb 27, 20161 votes

You made fun of his spelling error by asking if he meant something that it obviously was not, that makes you a Grammar Nazi. Do not be afraid to join the ranks! We shall purge the Earth of these uneducated scum!

ExtviaFeb 26, 20162 votes

Literacy, it saves people from looking stupid.

Ho WhiteFeb 26, 20161 votes

summoner 3

DevilishMetalFeb 26, 20161 votes

Hey guys,

Thanks for all of the responses so far! Loving it :D May your queue times not be out of the boundaries of reality as mine is!

BlueBonquetFeb 26, 20161 votes

http://prntscr.com/a8e24l best joke of them all. The client.

BlueBonquetFeb 26, 20162 votes

http://prntscr.com/a8ed3c :OOOOOOO after 18k files scanned it's fixed!!!!! yay!!!!!

[slayer-jinx-catface] [slayer-pantheon-popcorn] [slayer-jinx-wink] [slayer-pantheon-thumbs] [slayer-pantheon-rainbows] [zombie-nunu-hearts]

Velzard of KozFeb 27, 20161 votes

A blonde woman walks down the street. Suddenly she sees a sh!t in front of herself. She looks and says ,,Wow, it looks like a sh!t.". She takes it and says ,,In my hand, it feels like a sh!t.". She tastes it and says ,,It IS a sh!t! How lucky I am I didn't step into it!"