Championship Missions in a nutshell

#Week I

https://i.imgur.com/B1EhQ80.png

1. Pray to RNG your team will be good enough that you grind the dragons and towers in less than 5 games. And after that circa 3 hours of trying you will get rewarded with fantastic 5 Tokens which you can redeem for 15 BE because If we gave you actual reward you would buy less champions and we would go bancrupt.

2. We've heard your circlejerk and implemented it into the missions so that it's even more cancer. Since all your games last less than 15 minutes first task will be no-brainer. The second task, well, basically we wanted to make games shorter so that once one team will get the first turret, the other will immediately surr so that they don't waste time. But you will get tremendous 30 BE for it. Would you believe it? I bet some entitled people will not deem it worthy reward but remember - this is F2P game which means we can make subtle scams and also it took us power source of entire village to make that one icon you will get for free so stop!

#Week II

https://i.imgur.com/Yxi1U4e.png

1. Basic grind, except we artifically increase numbers of Ashe played so that people buy that more expensive than usual skin. But hey, part of it goes to charity which justifies subtle scamish attempts so shut up!

2. More RNG. More grind! Ain't gonna get that 30 BE for free, turds. My children would starve otherwise If you didn't buy champs for RP.

3. We've heard you didn't like premade-based missions. So we removed the condition and then create dumb missions like this where you still would require either RNG for team good enough that they both make this mission at once AND win the game OR... you guessed it... Premadeeees! And once you finally will manage to get through this parodical mission and actually win game with no ranged champs that will probably get opressed as hell by enemy as long as they don't do the mission you get wonderful 15 BE worth of content. Ain't that great. Imma just spam my ranged opressors since I know bunch of people will want to get this mission and will thrieve in their tears.

#Week III

https://i.imgur.com/kIXF2Ba.png

1. Ban everything that's meta, pick what's left, play like a pro and grind, baby, grind!

2. As you can see more missions in style of "So the enemy got that, welp guess I don't need to try anymore and can wait for next game". Also remember all the time you could finish the game and destroy the nexus but this one teammate is like "Yo, don't finish, Imma just stale this game and take Baron instead and possibly throw in the process... Now it also helps mah mission". Oh look and the reward for this large achievement is... Yeah 30 BE. We've noticed that just achieveing these things on their own was difficult, but not difficult enough to prevent you from getting champs for free which would lead to our buncrupcy so we put the "Win" condition. GGEZ.

#Week IV

https://i.imgur.com/D0eZnuf.png

1. Wait... This looks like actually teamwork-supporting, not overwhelming, gameplay-learning-encouraging mission with accurate reward to what it requires, which actually feels like relaxing for fun game where you don't have to tryhard... How the hell did it get on the list?! I told Jeff to remove it, jesus, these people.

2. We went too harsh on you last time so this is something easy. You still have to win, but don't worry, just purchase all these items, undo it and continue your everyday game. Yes I already criticized the shot out of all the other missions so I have to come up with something even with the easy ones, otherwise it would ruin the consistency of the post. When you already make yourself sound in such way others will accuse you of being entitled, at least finish the job, that's my motto. YaSue me!

3. This is here to partially feed your URF nostalgia... And also another 5-man-premade-like mission, lol.

#Week V

https://i.imgur.com/VCyXR5b.png

1. We at Riot hire a lot of extremly intelligent people, so we design this most intelligent mission that will bless you with how intelligently it is designed. Totally won't make people spam champs like Akali, Anivia, Diana, etc. One would expect someone who came up with this idea to have resolved P vs NP problem.

2. You know how Support mains felt excluded by a lot of these missions and we made one blog where we mentoined we acknowledge it and would like to improve on this? Yeah we just said it to make you shut up because you bitch about everything anyway. Fu Support mains you will have to play Full AP Lux farm-tax Support this time, too!... And buy the Elementalist skin while you're at it.

3. Oh, you though that's where it ends? Lol, no, you also have to have one snowball-extreme game to get that juicy 30 BE. Oh wait, it says or Assists... See? Solved it. Support mains can't complain now. This looks like promotion for me.

#Week VI

https://i.imgur.com/9CQSBfa.png

1. You know how we made this blog how we acknowledge that people don't like mode/map-specific missions? Yeah, we ignored that request, too. Fu ARAM mains, nobody likes you.

2. This looked like we are fanservicing Supports, right? Lol, but we saw your circlejerks and we know how much Marksmen heal in Lifesteal, so no... Another promotion for me!

3. Imagine how drunk someone must be to even come up with this idea. As drunk as the person doing the formating who did one indent too much. The fourth thing is mission within mission. Misconception... But then again, we saw your top-upvoted posts so we realize how turrets are wet paper so no worries, you got this.

#Pass

https://i.imgur.com/0ZaIPv4.png

Do you want to have actually doable, easy missions that reward you with shitton of Tokens? Then pay us, buy this pack we call "Simplier missions with better rewards". We must do it, otherwise people will realize that something bad that would prevent them for playing for week literally means they paid for nothing and that we cannot allow - money-milking like this was the main reason we got green-light and were allowed to implement this mission thing in the first place.

That is, all of them are easy except for the one above. We wanted to also add after it "and killed Herald and Baron and sacrificed virgin to the Old Gods and rode an unicorn" but that would be too much text for the client and it would make us totally redesign entire client so we made it a little easier. But still: Imagine someone who had game with first turret, first blood, two dragons... And lost. Evil stuff like this is what I live for. Send reaction vids plz. And remember: you paid for this pain.

#Scam of the Week

https://i.imgur.com/MliBlnM.png

Oh, you thought I am finished. Well no, by now I am used to calculating the Tokens possible and expect there will be the traditional "Forced-buy" scam. Yops. This could give you one Legacy Orb and normal Orb so that you have chance to get enough OE to actually use this "free" stuff, but you will be 5 Tokens short for it, so save your RP to buy these from chests or pray to RNG jesus for good content from two normal ones ;) Basically: Same effort, but RNG decides who gets rewarded how. And remember, these small attempts to make you throw as much money as possible by making small things like this 5 shorter is okay because part of these money will be helping people so it is YOU who complains that is a bad person. Shame on ya'll.

#TL;DR

1/3 of the missions make fun of circlejerks (weak towers, marksmen self-healing, short games), 1/3 of the missions are just pain that tells you "Wanna something easier? Buy the pass", 1/3 of the missions are Trivago and 1/3 of the missions are my math skills.

Now excuse me, I must go feed on the suffering of the innocent to fill my entitlement and salt and complaining bars, which are the things I am pretty sure will be pointed by someone.