Champion Roast Marathon: Ionian Edition

Hey babe. Yeah? Check out that guy... what's his name? Master Yi? Yeah, he looks like a fly with those goggles. Ohmigosh stop, you're gonna make me laugh. He also has a dragonfly tail coming out from the back of his head. Ha hah haaah! He's so lonely he has engagement rings for his sword! Haha. That is funny. Not your joke, but the fact that a pair of emo-parrots are ridiculing me. Parrots?!? Oh, yes. Especially you, puffing out your feathers like a cockatoo trying to be a peacock. Also, it seems you both also love nature in spite of what it did to you. The hell is that supposed to mean? Birds are supposed to have two wings, no? Hmmhmm. This coming from a guy who straps swords he never uses to his boots. What? Anyone ever mention that your armor looks like fish scales? That's enough out of you, Monkey! And you're a terrible singer, too. I have to plug my ears whenever you shower! Ahahaha! This coming from a Monkey who never uses his tail. I... I never had a mother to teach me how to use it... For somebody with nine tails, you have very few boundaries. For someone with so many blades, you lack as many good jokes. Hey, Lee, look over here. ...oh, sorry. Sigh Neither the first nor the last... You wrap bandages on your hands to, what, not have to use sunscreen? Since you can't see your enemies- I Lee Sin for them. You're no fun. Neither are you when you scurry around like a mouse. Hey! That's my fighting style! And what's your kill count with it? I... killed a boar once... for dinner... Akali, this is no time to banter. You should be working on your kama throws since your aim is... off. Sh-shen! Not in front of- Oh, I heard it all, heh heh. Oh, if it isn't the Princess of Spheres herself. That's Queen to you. Last time I checked Ahri was never dethroned. Oh, come on. Like you and your Mistletoe headdress can compare to my power. I'm faster than you. Since I actually use my legs instead of float like a lazy sloth. Floating's cooler. If I remember correctly, your legs don't get much use. So when they call you thunder thighs... ...this is getting oddly personal. Ionian chanting. Order. Balance. So original. What are you doing here, Zed? Hush, orphan boy, I'll deal with you in a bit. So, Karma. Guess you're not as popular as you think. Given your lack of fans. ...you wouldn't dare- Sa eleisa Terrible. I... stop... please... Nice shield. Zed, that's enough. Of course you would say that, Mr. Spirit Anchor. You can't even swing a sword properly so you strapped them to your gauntlets. If anything is an anchor it's your own incompetency. Ok, Mr. Cement-Mask. At the very least nobody mistakes mine for an outdoor grill. Do you really need that much armor to fight me, Shen? You tell me. You never fight me alone. We must end this fighting. Get the hell out, Noxian. This is Ionia, you chicken roost-headed towel-wearing bandaged asymmetrical Final Fantasy Sword- Keep talking you bushel-haired shirtless scarf-breathing Masamune-looking Hasagi-yelling fart-wielding- Jumps out of the bush and stabs them both through the stomach O_O ...what? I need stacks. Heh heh heh. I have wings! Gasp ULTIMATE STACKS! Tah-tah, pussy cat! COME BACK HERE YOU COCKROACH-GRASSHOPPER ABOMINATION! Hoo hoo. Well, this is a splendid gathering. Daisy! Shit. EVERYONE SCATTER! Right back at you, charcoal-pants! Hm... I need 3 more insults before perfectio-

Fin

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!