Champion Roast Marathon: Freljordian Edition

Hey, guys, Melledinkleberg here. This is a crappy series I'm doing. I know from my last post on the poll you guys voted Bandle city, but honestly I didn't feel like it. Sorry.

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ONWARD! Soldiers of the Avarosan! Match their gait! Gait? Hah. More like gay-t. ಠ_ಠ Freezes Ashe's leg with a swing Argh! Breaks free, leg is damaged by cold Only you would be so stupid as to wear an exposing tank top and skirt in a frozen wasteland. Jealous? Maybe that breastplate hides less than I thought. What kind of idiot has a bow made of ice? The same kind who has a broken helmet? How's the cape working out for you, super-girl? I think the real question's is this the first time I've seen two pigs riding on top of one other? You ever think that you should have let me keep the white hair and you be a little more original? Funny. Thresh told me the other day that when he killed you two, only the boar dropped a soul. Y'know what they say about gingers. What do they say about gingers?!? Grins knowingly and backs off Sees Olaf walking toward her menacingly Get away from me you orange-bearded chipmunk! You're gonna regret that. Especially when I make your face even paler and your guts redder than yer lips! Flinches in anticipation of the killing blow #Clang That's my wife you're messing with, gingilocks. Gets pushed back, regains posture So, looks like the right-hand man came to play! I'm about to add some bruises as toppings to those pizza feet! With a horned helmet shaped like that, yer imitating the devil. With a helmet shaped like that you're imitating a cockroach. OHOHO! The Berserk man has jokes! The only joke is what came out of your mother's womb. How DARE ye talk about my móðir like that! Swings sword and smashes it into Olaf's helmet, knocking him unconscious Are you alright, my queen? Yes, thank you. Alright, now let's finish this bat- SMASH! Smashes Tryndamere, sending him flying several hundred feet away O_O Heh heh... This is a pretty good feast just waiting to happen, all these humans waiting to be spiced... mmm... The wild calls your name, troll. That's a pretty heavy accusation, homeless man. Sighs in bear Let's see how you fare up to the spirits of nature. Oh-dyr. Looks like I'm in an unbearable situation. ###### ARE YOU FCKING KIDDING ME THAT WAS MY JOKE! Hm... you seem tougher than I thought. The tiger shall dispatch of you, you oversized smurf! Ouch. ATATATATA! What's wrong, cat got your tongue? ATATATATATA- Time to lay down the claw! The Winter's Claw, that is... wait, wrong faction... Time to bring the heat to your wounds! Phoenix, rise! Wait, don't you have another form too? Yeah but I never use it. Oh, ok. Well, you're boring me, so I got one question for you. What. Are you ready to TRUNNNNNNNDLE?!? Smashes Udyr to the ground Who's next? Punches Trundle Owww! What the heck? Don't make the yeti angry. You won't like him when he's angry. Vomits ice ball at Trundle Ugh. Ow, that hurt too. Alright, that's it, I'm gonna- Don't make the yeti angry. You won't like him when he's angry. Vomits another ice ball What the heck is this?!? Don't make the yeti angry. You won't like him when he's angry. Vomits another ice ball URGH! THAT'S IT! Ults Nunu and then smashes him ... That should be the end of th- Don't make the yeti angry. You won't like him when he's angry. THIS IS A ROAST SESSION WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GUY DOING?!? Fake fur comes off to reveal Nunu bot Ha ha ha ha ha ha- ## NOOO! NOO! YOU ABOMINABLE SNOWMOTHERFCKER! YOU DAMN POLAR SASQUATCH! Ha ha ha ha ha. Your giant ice club is compensating for something. Ha ha ha ha- Fear fills his eyes -ha ha ha. Nobody likes you now even though you were a digusting disease creature before. Ha ha ha ha- THAT WAS MY MIDDLE SCHOOL PHASE!!! -ha ha ha. You run like a gorilla with a limp. Ha ha ha ha- Sobbing IT'S A BIRTH DE-HEE-FECT! Breaks down crying Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha- Gets impaled -haaa haaaooo hauuu... I thought he'd never be silent. Well, well. Look who's here to join the party. Pah. A mere Ursine? You're nothing before me, Volibear. Hands her lore changes Reads for a bit ...WHAT?!? Come at me, hammerhead. I would make jokes about you but Trundle used all one of them. Um... ok, Elsa. Quit your babbling Voli-ball. Your lightning is weaker than a yordle's. Oh, look. Dark True Ice. It's like regular true ice... but daaaaaark. How dare you mock my power! I can summon lightning and tear people apart. All you do is throw ice shards from your sleeves like TF throws his cards. Shit, I've been found out. Teleports away At least I can freeze people in tombs of ice. All you do is play leap-frog with them. For all your bark you have very little bite. Well, you don't have much bite either- Laughs in W I don't have time for this. I have a nation to conquer. Go make another piss river. Freezes Volibear in ice How does she know...? Passes out Lissandra, that is far enough. It suddenly smells of incompetence in here. Oh, if isn't the "guardian of the Freljord." Save it, Lissandra. I'm not in the mood for your musical numbers. Hah. Feeble. Volibear already made a Frozen joke. You ever think of taking off those false fingernails? They don't even look good. You ever think of applying to DC? Mr. Freeze could use a pet bird. You ever think of not having white hair like every other female Freljordian? Ladies, ladies, please. If you have discourse with one another, run it by me first. Quiet, Pringles! Oh? Did Kaepora Gaebora just do harsh talking? Kaepora Gaebora...? Searches him up, screams, then shatters on the spot Turns slowly toward Anivia with a creepy smile on his face Meep meep! Flies off at incredible speed AM I TOO LATE FOR THE FIGHT? Ah, Gragas my friend! How are you? I'm doing just freaking fine ya whisker-faced, cue-ball, short-legged, milk-drinkin', sheep herdin', door-wieldin', ram-lovin' bastard! Surprisingly, all of those describe Braum. Ah, there's no insultin' ya. I'll catch ya for a drink later. Hey, you! Answers in BWOH Ya freakin' pincushion, what are ye doin' here? Points at Gragas' keg What? NO! This is my best brew! Points to keg, points to himself Ye'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands ya giant furry, bowling ball-masked hopping Master Yi balloon! Shrugs, punches Gragas in the face and takes the keg NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My best brew! ...why don't you just make it again? Turns to Ashe You obviously don't know me, lass. I was so drunk when I made it I forgot what was in it! I have a feeling anything I roast you about would be a compliment. Pretty much. Drunk, fattened bastard with a tomato for a nose, pizza feet, ginger who drinks spirits because he has none, the Flinstones' fat relative with what I'm wearing, and basically the Scotsman had he let himself go. That cover it? You forgot to mention the bald spot- Leans in one inch away from Ashe's face We never talk about the bald spot. Got it? Gulps, then nods rapidly # WHAT IS THIS NOISE ON MY DOORSTEP?!? VOLIBEAR, IS THAT YOU? Nostrils gush with blood Who are all these people? Why are you fighting in front of my forge of all places? Who keeps making bear puns? Slowly raises hand Puts Trundle's hand down # WHAT... ARE YOU DOING... AT MY FORGE?!? Blows fire and melts all the true ice on the battlefield Stares in disbelief at her melted flail ## Now go home, you bunch of LARPers. Damn kids... Walks back into his volcano ...ha.

Fin