The only thing worse than programs that auto open when you start your computer

You've been told several times how to beat a Swain in toplane, and apparently you are not taking any of the advice. I'm inclined to say that it's not your opponents' fault anymore that you're getting wrecked.

gives me a great idea for swain themed malware

Windows updates?

Except you can edit your bootup settings so they don't run on startup.