I'm quitting... again. But this time it's for real

I made a post similar to this some time ago. It is below if you wish to read it. No, this is not a rant (so don't fucking delete my post @moderators). This is my story about League of Legends, and the pain it has caused me. If you wish to continue, be my guest. I will not be checking this post, so don't leave questions expecting answers. I will not be on this site again.

6 months ago I quit League of Legends. I could not handle it physically, emotionally, or mentally, and I cracked. I deleted everything that was even slightly related to League, and for the next few months my life significantly got better. I even ended up running a 1:55 in an 800m race for my high school team, breaking my school's record. So life was good.

After school let out, I became increasingly bored. All my friends went on vacations and I was stuck in my hometown. Boredom soon got the best of me and I re-downloaded League of Legends. It started off really well. I was able to win a lot of games and it felt as if I had never left. I was having fun playing League of Legends. I learned new champions and new roles and played a ton of TFT, and I enjoyed League of Legends, which I never thought I'd be able to do again. Re-downloading this game may have been the worst decision I have ever made. After a month-ish of playing, after a long and difficult journey of being in Silver for about a year, I made it to Gold IV, and I was ecstatic. I was finally able to prove that I was decent at the game, and Gold looks a whole lot better than Silver when talking to college eSports teams.

My happiness was short-lived though. I began to expect more out of myself. And when I couldn't get out of Gold IV as quickly as I thought I could, I began to let this game control my life again. I began playing for hours, upon hours, every day, ruining my social life and isolating me. I wasn't doing what I needed after my cross country runs (stretching, core, etc.), I didn't study for my ACT and got the same score I the first time I took it, not improving at all even after taking an ACT prep class, and I began talking to my friends less. I let this game control me and it fucking ruined my life, again. Some of you may think to yourself "Why doesn't he just not play the game?" or "He should just take it less seriously," but it isn't just that simple. This game makes you come back. It makes winning feel good, and losing feel terrible but it keeps you chasing that "winning" feeling, so you keep playing until you win. After before you know it, you're up until 3 AM and you have to wake up in 4 hours to go to cross country conditioning, thinking to yourself "I should have gone to be a while ago. Now I'm going to be exhausted and in a shit mood." I am sure that 90% of the player base will agree with me on that. The game is addicting.

Below these lines is my first post about quitting League of Legends. After reading it again, I realize that everything that I said is 100% accurate to what I am feeling right now, at 1:06 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2019.

"Im not getting better Im not climbing This game has ruined my relationships The amount of stress that this game has put on me is unfathomable My grades are plummeting Im getting very little sleep at night because of this game and my addiction My health is becoming a concern This game is making me fucking depressed, to the point to where I want to do nothing but cry in my room

Have you guys ever been through so much shit, that you kinda just want one thing to go alright in your life? II thought League would help me, and for some time i really believed it. I had dreams of being a pro or a streamer that people admired because they were so good at the game. It gave me hope that something was bright in my future with this game. But this is the last straw for me. It is fucking up my life more than it is helping it. There were times when I did like League. When I first started, about 2 years ago, I remember I played on Shyvana top with Relic Shield on an HP Notebook in my dads basement. I thought I was so good when I could 2v1 bots up there. Those were the days, completely stress free and fun, that I wish I cherished more when I had them. Now it's just a giant bucket of stress, waiting to be dumped on me every time I wake up in the morning.

I felt obligated to play League of Legends every day. I know I wasn't, but I felt like I needed to in order to get better. I have sunk so many hours into this game that I thought something in my skill level would change, but it hasn't. Sure Ive upgraded from Bronze to Silver, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to be the best, and I knew I could do it, but I simply cannot handle it, mentally or emotionally.

I loved this game. I made friends, joined teams, I even had fun. But that was back then. Now, I hate it. I hate what the game has become. I hate that it stresses me out so much when I have so much real world stress to deal with. I hate that Im not getting better, regardless of how hard I try. This list goes on and on. A game is supposed to let me escape reality for a few hours, so why does it feel like torture to play it?

It's been real Riot. Thank you for all you've done.

GG, Bent Pixels"

To Riot Games, I hope you see this. I hope you know that your game has ruined my life. I plan on never, ever, EVER playing this game again. I will never even consider it. And I know you won't care about this post, since you don't care about your community or whatever fucking happens to them anyway. And I'm sure that whoever is reading this, if you've made it this far, ultimately doesn't give a rats ass about me or my problems. It really just helps to get it out there.

There it is, all out on the table. Thank you for reading, and I hope this helps someone else out there going through a similar struggle. DO NOT let this game control you. DO something else. There are a million, BILLION other things that you can do. Go for a run. Pick up a book. Buy a hammock and just listen to your favorite songs in the forest. This game is killing itself with its toxic community, flavorless gameplay, and imbalance between champions and items and EVERYTHING. Don't go down with it. Help yourself before you end up doing something you regret.

It's been real, Bent Pixels