How to smoothly get a girl a gift.

Yeah yeah nothing smooth about giving a cashier some cash for a gift and remembering him from summer camp (god why), then running into another guy from your college (jesus).

This is for all the guys who were smoother than nice whiskey, but she adds lemon beer and tar to the mix.

I was in a shopping district, about to walk into Claire's because I was looking up chokers (yea kinky. Oh right don't look up Spencer Gifts). I ended finding myself in a totally different store, because I saw nice headphones. Eventually, as I turned to leave, I saw them.

Glorious. Astounding. Polaroid.

Cat Headphones. They light up and stuff! Not cheap either; was like 30 bucks.

In my mind, I was like "This is what she'll look like:"[sg-ahri-2] [sg-jinx]

So I buy em, and I recognize the cashier. He was from this summer camp I was at. Police/Firefighting/EMT training. I wasn't really there because I wanted any of those jobs. I got paid to go. Turns out so did he. He for some reason compares his pay wage to mine. His $10/hr to my $8.15/hr. I thought to myself, 'What is this? Dick size comparison? "Hey I'm 10" and you're not!"' Well screw him. I have no job so I was glad to have this size -I mean pay.

I end up seeing this other guy with his girlfriend making out. I recognize him too. He tries to small talk and I say "No." We get on the bus in silence. I'm real friendly I swear.

So I get back to my school (yes I left school to buy a gift) and look for wrapping paper. I go into the art teacher's room and ask for some. The teacher instead gets me this ugly colored poster paper. I say thank you anyhow and try to cut out a good size to begin wrapping. I realize: 'I don't know how to wrap gifts.' She seems to know and comes over to help. And "help" she did. Ripped the damn paper from Mars to North Korea. I suggested I get a new paper, but she was like "Nah, it's good." Tapes the rips with masking tape. A minute later voila: the tackiest thing youve laid eyes upon. My face said [sg-ahri-1] but my mouth said "Lookin good!"

Knowing that shit wasn't gonna cut it, I ask another art teacher for some paper (we have like 5 specialized art teachers), and he said he didn't have any. Some searching later, I find what is real close to wrapping paper. Way better than what I had now. It was a nice blue color. I rip off the old covering, and recall what the teacher did. It really wraps itself to be quite honest. I made it look pretty and then I add a note, because all presents must have notes. How would you know if it was yours with no note -unless you opened it expecting a game and find some lingerie. The note: "To [REDACTED]. Don't peek, cutie."

Anywho, I'm ready. I'm done with the hassle and all I need to do is hand the bad boy to her. I see her in her class, staring intensely into her phone (classy). Suddenly, I freeze. Never have I been hit with anxiety or whatever shy nerds get when facing a girl they like. But I was like in my footsteps! All I saw in my head was 20 other people going like "LOOK HE'S GOT HER A GIFT THEY GONNA FU-" 30 seconds later, I'm in a remote corner of the hallway where there was supposed to be a closet space. Gift still in hand. I had to get a pep talk from another student after I told em why I was pussying out:

"Are you buying them a gift? No! What does it matter if they say something? They mad cuz no one loves them and they giftless. You spent your day getting this present. Go give it to her. Stop being a bitch."

[zombie-brand-clap] simply inspiring.

Here I am, outside the classroom. I peek; she's burning holes into her phone (still classy). I slowly pull the present out my bookbag, and slip it right next to hers. Yep. Smooth. Still pussied out, but I did it Secret Santa style.

The bell rings, and everyone is filing out the class. She's literally the last to leave due to that eyeball-to-phone method (doesn't get classier than this). She picks up her bookbag. She leaves the gift. [zombie-nunu-bummed]

BUT WAIT! The teacher of her class notices it and tells her, "Hey [REDACTED], you left your present."

She sees it and gets giggly: "Oh wow someone bought me a gift?" Damn right I did. Mission complete: Smooth route.[sg-ezreal]

I walk off but halfway down the hall I hear. RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPP "Oh my god! I got headphones! I love them!"

The note! THE NOTE! No one reads anymore!

"Don't." "Peek." "CUTIE."

[sg-janna]

gg smoothness.

I chuckle now; I liked her because I thought she was adorable. And while I was said that I put good effort into wrapping that thing, and I wanted it to be opened on Christmas (or X-mas excuse me and sorry), it was adorable.

Oh well.

Tl;DR: How about you read it? nah I'm messin. Tried to be smooth, and it almost worked. Almost.