GG boiz, my time here is done

Here I have for you, a little insight into my year long journey in league of legends. Last year, around August my friends introduced me to League of Legends. It was a decent game that I had heard of before and even tried two years beforehand but it didn't really interest me at the time. We had a group of 5 people that would get together some days, sit around a table and have a good time playing some league of legends. I started really liking this game, I had some really good moments that made me feel like I had potential and the times when I would outplay a 3v1 dive or something made the whole game. It was great fun playing with friends and just having a good time. But before I knew it I was playing outside of the group meet ups, had to get those runes and masteries unlocked so I wasn't as much of a liability you know. I think my experience leveling to 30 differs extremely from the current 1-30 experience by the way. I found it pretty pleasant, I dont know if I was just too new to spot the bots or just didnt care about people inting as much. I had some good conversations with people, people were nice, they offered advice, I would ask for advice, etc. Even after 30 I still played only norms and aram by myself, I had a feeling from hearing my friends talk about it that I would not have fun in ranked. Oh how right they were. One fateful day, after some very successful norms I decided to try my first placement match... a win, it felt good. It felt really good, but I said to myself "better not push my luck, Ill try to stay away from this shit, maybe." At this point I still considered myself a noob, I felt ok taking advice from people; I just assumed they were more knowledgeable than me and I didn't personally know any better but would notice sometimes people say things that dont make sense. I kept on casually playing with my friends mostly, occasionally when I had nothing to do I'd hop on to play a norm or two. But then thanksgiving break at my uni came, I found myself with quite a bit of spare time... what to do? Well I decided to finish my ranked placements, I ended up going 7-3 and placed in silver 1. I thought cool, I ended up higher rank than my friends time to bm them a little bit and nothing more at the time. After the break I still was only playing norms and with my friends casually, but eventually I had the thought "Hey that gold border looks pretty cool, I might try to get that gold 5 rank. I mean I'm so close as it is, it shouldn't be a problem right." Wrong. Skip to 10/21/17 which marks the end of my journey to gold 5, never attained, reaching gold promos 14 times, I am now permabanned. How did I make the transition from casual player with irl friends to raging permabanned ranked player? Looking back, I have no idea how I let it happen. I guess my group tapering off league and ultimately disbanding left me wanting to play league but I just didnt get the same enjoyment from it playing solo norms. In hindsight this game isn't worth playing without a group of friends, straight up. My desire for the gold border became my driving force in this game, not having fun. Not trying to toot my own horn but I am quite good with setting realistic goals irl and very rarely do I have to give up on a goal. I wasnt used to the kind of helpless defeat this game was about to unleash on me. It really started bothering me around the 6th time I made it to gold promos, because season 6 end was a few days away and it was my last bit of free time I had to try to get the rank. I got two wins handily and then... struck down by the trolls again. These were some of the most blatant ones I've seen yet, a darius that started inting and then ultimately afking because our jg smited the blue for himself, a vayne that died 5 times in 5 mins and then started to flame everyone and just left around 8 mins, a teemo that flamed me from champ select for not letting him jg and then he took smite and proceeded to steal my role after I left to go pee. I remember it, thinking to myself "why are these people like this, why are they doing this to me, why do they have such a disregard for their fellow teammates?" I fully understand it now, I am become rager. At this point in my league journey, I feel like I can entirely sympathize with these people I used to despise. I dont consider the people I play against normal people like me anymore, I've seen too much it takes proof now for me to believe the people Im playing with are even semi competant and not braindead people drooling all over themselves with the sole purpose in life of ruining my games. It paved the way for me to start completely disregarding the feelings of other players and ive gotten pretty bad. Watching pro players and youtubers was also a big mistake, it got me way too aware of my teammate's failures to a point where it is extremely hard to ignore them and annoys me when they dont even realize their mistakes or try to flame me for calling attention to them. I've honestly felt the urge to just become like them, make a new account, do troll shit but just dont type in chat and ruin games for people but never get banned because league of legends exclusively seems to punish toxicity only if you type in chat. I've met countless trolls ever since that sixth failed gold promo but I believe that experience coupled with the inability to get even one rank up from where I was placed led me to become perma tilted while playing this game. I think I'm done here though, typing this all out has been a nice catharsis and given me lots of necessary introspection on what this game has done to me and how I changed over the year. I havent even enjoyed this game in the past few months to be honest and my 2 week and perma ban came pretty much sequentially, i got unbanned from my 2 week ban on 10/18/17 8:11 pm. It was never for inting or afking after doing bad, just pure unfiltered tilt induced shit talking. My final words are that I do think this community is way too soft, and entirely wayyyy to eager to bait someone into flaming due to the emphasis that this game puts on banning people for toxicity based on chat. I honestly feel like lots of people in this game sense a bit of tilt and then get some weird satisfaction out of giving their absolute best effort to try to exacerbate tilt as much as possible, take it to all chat and trying to get a player reported. But regardless, doesnt seem like this is the game for me, I should have quit months ago and now that it is forced on me I feel like it can only be an improvement on my life, seeing as 90% of my stress in my life ended up coming from this game lately. I AM FREE BOIZ.

TL;DR: Normal casual player gets fucked by ranked, trolls and disappointment enough to become a rager and gets permabanned, uses long paragraph as catharsis and for closure. gg ez.