Losing All my friends in League: A quick PSA

I think we've all found something that just takes over our lives, that consumes us with passion, for me its been video games. Even in my early days of beating my little siblings in mk3, I've always had a competitive side to me. Online gaming is the best, and worst thing I could've gotten into. I was an avid overwatch player, dedicated to getting diamond, even ditching work to finish my climb from silver to gold. Once i reached my goal, the game just didn't feel the same, which led me too league.

The first time i played league, i downloaded it at a friends house, and afk'd after 5 minutes in a bot game. Then once i actually sat down and dug into the game, it was all over. Wiki pages youtube mobafire, anywhere i could get info on how to play this game, i was conssumed, and always strived to improve. I played probably 500 norms games before i entered into ranked with my first friend, who we'll call abby. She played support, i was adc, and we were trash. I landed in bronze 5 0 lp, and she was still in silver after last season. I knew i could be better, i would play countless games with her, but if the title is any indication, it didn't last for long.

Failing to get into silver 5 after 4 attempts at promos, i was frustrated. I thought i could do all i could, and my blame shifted onto her. Every adc complains about there shit support, and i cant blame them, its an easy scapegoat. As you can imagine, having some tryhard bronze 1 friend raging at you 10 games a day, wasn't fun, and she left. I thought i was better off, solo que'd and got myself to silver 4 out of pure frustration, which is where i met a new friend, a mid laner, Jessie.

She was actually a diamond 4 support player, and on a smurf, i figured if riot was gonna que me with shit teams every game, i was gonna take the advantage. I changed my role to jungle, camped her mid, and we were doing great. We had those days of 5 losses in a row, but it was fun, we always joked around with each other and how bad our team was, and it was all in good fun, until i got salty.

I was new to jungling, and she was a diamond 4 player, now i see all she was trying to do was help me out, she gave me tips, told me which lanes were gankable, what plays to make, she was genuinely trying to help. And that made me mad, i worked from the ground up teaching myself to jungle, and this support main is going to lecture me about pathing? We had our fights, and it was very on and off, until 1 day i joked about how i was the carry in each game and she should thank me sometimes, i meant it to be a joke but i knew in the back of my mind like i'm sure she did, i thought it was true to an extent. She was upset, and i pushed it, i started calling everything she did wrong like she did with me, only i knew it was to get under her skin, and one long fight in discord pms later, im unfriended, for the second time.

I was over it, im a jungler, i don't need a duo, ill solo carry. I probably have 200 games in silver right now, constantly falling and climbing, but never able to stay afloat. It felt like whatever i did my bot lane always fucking fed even when there jungle didnt come, my mid always pushed in waves and didn't ward and my top laners die level 2. I was constantly flaming, my teammates were such garbage and didn't even take the game seriously. This is ranked, if you want to 2nd time your shit champion, go to bots where you belong. All these thoughts went through my head until i realized, im too stressed. I started to see that maybe i am getting toxic, and i should lay off ranked, it was the cause of losing 2 friends already, and i don't want to keep becoming this person.

So i started playing normals and arams everyday with the last few friends, most importantly, sidney. We constantly were grinding normal games, learning new champs, just having a good time. She could see how toxic i was but it was never directed at her, and we always joked about it, and i thought it was fine. I'm not flaming my duo, were just chilling, its all good. Then i hopped back into solo q and the process started all over again.

Everyday was another 15 game grind, trying to get out of elo hell, every laner on my team was a braindead ape, and i had to 1v5. All these thoughts just going through my head and always hitting play again even though i know im tilted. Riot started to take notice, first were the chat restrictions, then the 2 weeks ban. I thought its because they were some snowflake company that couldn't handle banter, so i said fuck it and made a new temp account. I couldn't even get it too level 20 without being hit with a chat restriction, all while queuing with friends and with sidney, slowly becoming more and more of the toxic t1 wannabe that no one wants to deal with.

I ended up buying a new account, i needed to play ranked, every game of normals was giving me physical pain, i was dependent on getting lp at this point. 2 games in, 2 games, of normal draft pick, and im restricted. Maybe, i have an issue.

My main was unbanned, and like my new account, i couldn't make it 3 days without getting hit with a perma ban. It was a long, 60 minute game with my other friend Rane, and at the post game lobby, i said i was going to take a break when in reality, my client closed because i was permanently suspended.

Enough is enough, i sent out an @all message in my server, telling everyone i quit. That i was clearly too toxic for league and that i didn't want to have them deal with me being an ass anymore. that if i could reform than maybe ill let myself play again, and that was it, everyone was sad but, they have all played with me, and they could probably agree i needed this.

I Couldnt Make it 1 day

I already made a new account, that was chat restricted by level 10. The only person i had left that i wanted to play with was sydney because at least she knew i was already toxic but we could always play it off, and she didn't mind. But, as this post says, i lost all my friends, including her. I don't really know what happened, we had been playing norms the past few days, i thought everything was fine. then one game of aram, i don't know what i said, i don't know what i did, but i was instantly unfriended on everything, blocked, and haven't heard anything since. Her friend we had wued with us said its because i was manipulative and toxic and she doesn't want me as a friend, and that's probably all ill ever know about it.

I don't even know what i said, that's the terrifying part, in the past i knew i was toxic, everything i typed i had to look at twice because i knew deep down, it was wrong. But now i dont, im not even aware of when i'm being passive aggressive, or sarcastic, people i play with tell me i'm toxic and i don't even know why. Can you imagine ruining the game for everyone around you, and not even know you're being toxic? For all i was aware i've been pretty nice the past few days, but who even knows at this point. Clearly not me, i've become so toxic that too my core, i dont even see the issue.

League has been my life, since the end of last year. This community, riot games, the people i played with, it was so amazing. The only person who ruined it for me, was me. There is an argument that the game is the root of toxicity, but after 2 perma bans, and god knows how many new accounts and chat restrictions, i don't know what to do. I'm addicted to this game, and i wont stop playing, but i also know i will probably never have amazing friendships like these anymore, that i threw away to hit silver 2, 65lp. Throwing away all these good times, all those possible relationships if i just didn't flame, all the money i've spent on skins, all for silver 2, 65lp.

If you're toxic, ill tell you now, you need to fix it. For me, i have a lot going on in the real world, i use league to cope with it all because i am an addict, but i cant stop. Tomorrow ill get onto the rift, and do it all again. If you think you're being toxic, make sure you know you're doing it at the very least. Today it might just be a few ? pings but you don't know what vile things you'll end up calling people after a few 100 games of being this mad, toxic person. League is a game, its supposed to be fun, and you don't need to ruin that for yourself like i did. Let me be your example, in this game, your friends, relationships, your well being, should be put above whatever lp you might gain.

Thank you for reading this long, rambly post, as cheesy as this sounds, if i can stop one player from becoming the toxic piece of shit i did, it'll be worth it. GG guys