I've been here for too long

I don't think me playing this game means anything anymore, I was once really proud of my skill before riot decided to ban my first account. I made this account after 4+ years of playing because I felt I wasn't done yet. I used to love this game but I just get frustrated now for some reason. my mental health has never been the best, but I'm better than that to get angry over something that helped me from serious issues in seventh grade. I just feel that I'm getting bad and I should quit the game for good. but some reason I always log on the next day and queue up for some more games and play for 10 hours a day. I take my breaks to be with friends, family members and myself very often. When it comes down to ranked I just can't do it anymore, I had such a good win ratio then people would praise me every day for it so I got comfy, I didn't care about being better, then I decided to drop it off and start to play with my friends from school. it eventually dropped from 98% (something high like that) to a good 50% without me paying attention, I hadn't realized I became hard stuck in Gold V, it hurts me that I cant leave this rank. Whenever I get in the series something just happens to me where I feel unbeatable again and decide to screw around with characters I cant play. next thing I know I'm at low lp again. for me I find that I'm actually sick. I just cant get my stuff together, I'm scared to ask people to duo because of this, recently my friend has been assisting me in playing some games, but I always feel I'm going to let him down and it drives me crazy. My name is Pride as an ironic statement, I never feel confident in my work until someone says it. I just lack the desire to play this game without feeling like a failure, I try to quit but I just cant do it. This game legitimately saved me and put me on a good path. Now I'm struggling because the thing that helped me is now what is ruining me. I don't know what help I need or if I do at all, no helpline is required I'm still positive living my life, it is just that I find this game to be something I cant let go of.