We need to talk, Riot.

Due to reading being hard (or just generally boring I guess), there are now TL;DR's after each "section". They are marked by bold type and prefaced by "The TL;DR for this portion".

All right, guys. Normally I come on the boards to bitch and shout and point out how stupid everyone is and throw a fit because while throwing stones is great, just plain throwing them doesn't quite carry the same catharsis and release of stress as throwing them at someone. And if anybody has actually taken my statements to heart and personally, I do apologize to you lot, I do not actually mean to cause emotional damage to you.

Shouting and yelling is just fun for me. Maybe it's because that was practically my entire family life, but I'm strange now. So in short, don't take it personally.

However. When it does come time to take things seriously and make an actual statement, you will not see me being quite so belligerent or aggressive. I am aware that tact is important in getting a message across and shouting is going to do little to nothing in persuading my audience (except in one rare case where I got a red response to something where I was doing almost nothing but shouting, and that actually surprised me even). And that's where this is going to fall - because Riot, we do need to have a talk. Doesn't have to be me, doesn't have to be the next guy after me, doesn't have to be any of the front page. But you need to hear an explanation from your community, and not just "hear" it but actually listen. This will be a long post - I will try not to make it too boring for you, so bear with me.

So this season has been one unlike the past ones. That does not in and of itself carry a negative connotation as last season was also one unlike any other, but in this particular circumstance I do not make such a statement in a positive manner. This season so far is rather miserable - some would call it unfun, but that is not quite right. The season is not unfun but rather anti-fun. And there is a difference in that assertion: unfun implies that the game itself is inherently bad and holds no joy, that by playing the game you will not have a good experience. Anti-fun, on the other hand, means that the game itself is fun - the mechanics, gameplay, visuals, they're all enticing and enjoyable and meant for people to have a good time. But, and this is a very big one, you have implemented additional mechanics and practices that basically kill off instances of fun or functionally just restrict the flow of fun. So while there are bits and pieces of enjoyment that can be pulled from the game, you have to hit your head against a brick wall four or five times as payment for each bit. And I started to realize that, as I continued trying to play this season, I was far more pissy than I usually am.

I loved last season. I did. Yes, I am a pissy individual and I got chat-banned for being pissy in-game a couple times last season. I'm quick to chastise teammates for stupid shit, but also quick to chastise myself for the same stupid shit, so... kind of just how I am, I'm a very harsh critic. There are people who are verbal dicks, they exist, as long as we aren't all shouting death threats or allowing being pissy to ruin the game, so be it. Mute option does exist for a reason, and so do pings, and I'm always prepared to use both so that, even if we all hate each other's goddamn guts, we can still work together. Before I get the suggestion: I live next to a fair amount of people who would prefer to not hear me shouting, and I would prefer not to get actual migraines from how frustrating dealing with people on here can get (I get stress headaches). So just instantly mute me if you don't know me personally when we get into a match so I can take out my frustrations in peace (at least until I can afford a punching bag hanging next to the computer).

This all being said I did still love last season. I did clock in a fucking absurd amount of games for anyone, but I also enjoyed playing this game so much that I didn't really bother with many other games in the meantime and I don't really care for television or movies, so all that sweet Netflix time (or Hulu, whatever you kids are streaming nowadays) people clock in usually sent me to here.

**TL;DR for this portion: Season 5 was better, everything else isn't that important other than context.

Maybe I could have spent the time working on writings or musings.

Maybe I'll stop being really goddamn lazy.

But those games were played for a reason, and it's because they were goddamn fun. For all my bitching and moaning, I would have a blast. I like working toward a goal, and trying to work with people at the same time brings a lovely challenge to the equation. And there were so many champions that were actually in the running for being useful that I couldn't even pin down an actual main champion to play. Yeah, I sucked with a fair amount of them, but they were still pretty damn fun. The way the game played and how everything worked made the "long game times" mean jack shit to me because big fucking deal, if I enjoy something enough, I'm not going to give much of a shit how much time that something takes.

But that was last season.

If you're looking for the actual point of this, this is where it will now begin, from here on. Still going to be a long post.

Welcome to season 6, where a fair amount of players are cashing out. You might say, "Good riddance," or you might say, "That's a shame." If it's the former, you'll be joining them soon more likely than not. If you're in the latter, then you're still holding out hope for this game, but you realize that something's wrong with the game. Now what exactly is wrong with the game is a little more complicated.

We will start with the in-game issues. As anybody and everybody will tell you, the game is currently stupidly snowball-y with minimal consistency. That's a general overview. What makes it snowball-y is a combination of a few things:

• Number 1, the new minion push mechanics means that if you lose a tower, you are now on the defensive unless your team has a considerable level advantage. If your team is both behind in levels and towers, you will likely either lose or take 25-30 minutes to make a "comeback", the reason being minions will push down all lanes quite swiftly at this point and you will constantly be forced to play catch-up with clearing while enemies can maintain a very unreasonable amount of objective control (I.E. Baron and Dragon) with minimal risk. These mechanics, however, also mean that unless the enemy team is also pushing constantly, their minions will kill off yours at a rate that causes them to lose out on a lot of gold and experience from them, which can result in your team quickly bouncing back off of the sudden income spike. This is meant to offset the snowball nature of the game currently and give the defensive team a chance, but if towers fall then this aspect of the mechanic becomes absolutely pointless. Additionally, this adds another snowball aspect to the game in which a team can counter-snowball and win games off of a single bad play against a winning team - rather jarringly, too. How this works is basically you spike off of the new resource income to such an unexpected - and often inconsistent - degree that it is hard for an enemy team to tell if they still hold the upper hand or not. This is why siege, poke, and splitpush comps are absurdly prevalent right now. If you want proof of this, take a short look at the highest winrate champs right now - ranged poke, good longevity, great waveclear? See a lot of that? Yeah, go figure. It's because unless you keep pressure up, the game will forever be at risk of either side getting annihilated from a single misstep. TL;DR for this portion: Minion mechanics cause snowballing/counter-snowballing, which makes games feel chaotic and inconsistent. This makes players feel like they do not have much control over the game's flow, especially when behind.

• Number 2 here is that the game is a Heroes of the Storm bastardization now. You may not think it because Heroes very clearly has the collective "your team is this level now" meter and you are judged solely on your team, but League is starting to lean that way. I don't know why Riot wants it to be like that - maybe to bring the attention to it being a team game and reduce the toxicity. But I'm going to drop an info-bomb right here: The "team" focus aspect encourages new players and no other. In fact, HotS becomes far more toxic than League could ever be as you rise in ranks because you can do nothing as an individual. You need your team, and if somebody on your team messes up, your whole team pays. If one person fails, your collective team must carry that loss. This brings short-comings into much more scrutiny because if you are not pulling your weight, you are harming the entire team. No, you are not out of the running, and you can be 0/5 and be just as useful as your 16/4 friend - but if you're hemorrhaging resource income (in HotS this is just plain EXP), you are effectively slaughtering your team's chances of success. Your friend can no make up for your failure - he can not get himself fed and "carry" you. You are literally essential forever and always, and so if you are failing, you will be called on it. No exceptions. Again, this is so pronounced in higher ranks in that game that it is absurd. There are small ways in which Riot has made gameplay work on these kinds of mechanics, a primary example being this: http://boards.pbe.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/champions-gameplay-feedback/LHYZQiVN-pbe-522-adjustments-to-killstreak-bounty-rules-and-bounty-displays This topic basically states that how the system used to be was that shutting down a champion on a killstreak would reward the individual merit of the killer, focusing gold on them (unfortunate if the wrong person got the kill, but could be considered a clever play by the enemy team). Now it rewards the enemy team for making sure you die at all. It sounds nice. In practice, however, it means this: If you are ahead in lane, like this, dying can result in you fucking your teammates. It is no longer your mistake to make in dying - if you died to your lane opponent, it no longer reflects back on just you. Now that death reflects on the entire rest of your team. If you die, collectively you have made the enemy team much stronger. If you die and your team was running even, now the rest of your team is weaker than the enemy team. This makes "winning" a team effort but "losing" an individual effort. It takes a team to take down an enemy, or a team to rally behind your crowned "VIP" and try to force a lead. But it only takes one single person to fuck up to ruin everything for your team. This is the HotS model. This is not a good model. This is the reverse of last season, in which games could last upwards of an hour, but it was all on a collective team merit, both winning and losing - if you were losing, it was because as a team you were failing over and over again, not botlane slipping up in the lead a couple times and tipping other lanes out of favor. TL;DR for this portion: League is turning into Heroes of the Storm with how a single lane's events can have immediate global consequences regardless of participation. This causes team snowballing instead of champion snowballing, leading to far more one-sided games.

• And number 3 on this list is the champion meta. We call it a "snowball" or "early-game" meta, but that's more an explanation into gameplay rather than just champion choice. You can say Ezreal and Lucian are both very early game champs, but I'll remind you that it wasn't super long ago that Lucian was getting his ass handed to him in lane by just about everyone and Ezreal was only really useful as a poke champ. Now you look at the middle of laning phase and Ezreal's 1v2'ing practically and Lucian's already taken the bot lane outer tower after getting the slightest leg up. They weren't significantly buffed and the other ADC's weren't exactly nerfed to oblivion. So what gives? Why is Shyvana able to gib every one of her matchups in the jungle almost immediately? Why the hell is it that when I'm Nasus against Darius, I build a Kindlegem, Glacial Shroud, and Sheen and suddenly I can just stomp the shit out of him despite Nasus being universally regarded as worthless as a laner? Because the best champions aren't the best "snowballers" or even the best early-game champs. Hell, most Lucians I see still lose any and all trades before their first back, and even the best ones still find it hard to work it. Shyvana is still perfectly capable of getting invaded and her ass handed to her during her first clear. Graves can still get stomped by any tank during the first few minutes of laning. No, this meta is the "everything you need" meta. When I say this, most people aren't going to get it initially - allow me to explain. Shyvana has asinine base damage on her skills. However, the effectiveness of all of this is tied aggressively to basic attacking. While normally a champion like her - kiteable, purely melee - would be heavily punished for only building attack speed early, her passive armor and magic resistance allows for her to focus on attack speed. This gives her everything she needs. Graves early has no sustain and is still rather squishy as a bruiser. His damage is tied heavily to his abilities, and so cooldowns have a tendency to put him in a rough spot. And if he invests directly into sustain, damage, or CDR without paying heed to any of the other ones, he's delaying his optimal point. Now you build Death's Dance on him as a first item and he becomes a nightmare to deal with. Why? Because it offers everything he needs. Ezreal as a laner has historically been reliable, but if he falls behind he would tend to stay behind. Now I watch Ez's go 0/4 in lane and suddenly in the mid-game scene rack up the kills at such an absurd rate that you'd think him broken. But a lot of it is because his core items both cost collectively less than 6000 (5100 to be exact) gold while the majority of ADC's break over that amount while still being incredibly weak to getting jumped on. Ez, however, buys these two core items and gets all of the damage he needs to be relevant. But that's not all - the armor makes him bulkier, the CDR makes him safer and do more of his damage quicker, and any and all mana weaknesses are effectively mitigated. He gets everything he needs far quicker than everyone else. And that's the bottom line - that's why bruiser Fiora and Yi even existed. You gave them items that provided everything they needed. Ezreal became relevant because the core items to his build are now so cheap he's set to fight far earlier than any other ADC can dream of being. And what's worse is that keystones feed directly into the "everything they need" pattern. Tank Fiora sustains because building health on top of damage gives her double healing - one on Grasp of the Undying, one on vital hit. Bruiser Yi can get away with building basically no AD items and only grabbing essential attack speed items because Fervor of Battle gives him a bonus 100~ damage on hit just by alpha striking the enemy team, which is practically a free AD item. A lot of the bullies top lane that could be bullied out by poke them down are no longer so simply handled because Grasp of the Undying keeps them there. Junglers meant to have a hard time sustaining in the jungle in order to keep them in line with their early ganking potential now just use Strength of the Ages to outlast the first clear. You changed Azir to have basically no burst, now I run Thunderlord's and I burst someone for half their health with a Q/Auto on two soldiers. Granted, Azir still scales like ass and is squishy as hell - but here's the point of all this: You worked so hard to give champions a meaningful weakness. Now you have implemented something that effectively removes weaknesses. How do I beat Graves after Death's Dance? I don't fucking know - only time I could solo him was with a red-buff bruiser Yi. How do I beat a Fiora in-lane? I don't fucking know - her number one counter was Pantheon early and now all she has to do is dash/auto a vital with Grasp and she's healed up the damage I've dealt. How do I stay ahead of Ez's mid-game as any conventional ADC? Oh that's actually simple - kill him more times than actually reasonable to demand. How do you defend against Zed effectively early when Thunderlord's gives him a bonus burst of magic damage that scales very well with bonus AD and he now has access to very early, very cheap armor pen as well? Don't ask stupid questions, everybody knows that's not actually possible. Champions having weaknesses to focus on made the game seem possible and fun. It made strategy a thing. Now the strategy for dealing with certain champs literally boils down to this: make sure there's two of you. TL;DR for this portion: The meta at current are champs that get everything they need quite early through a combination of keystones and cheap itemization. There are examples above, I'm not relisting them. This can lead to a feeling of individual helplessness in lane when versed against certain champs.

So this should be the end - it should just boil down to "aspects of gameplay suck, change them". But Riot is nothing if not intent on following the EA business model: "You will play our game how we want you to play it and get the experience we want you to. End of story." Solo-queue is at risk at being axed (honestly, just about everyone would pronounce it dead at this point, but people can't help but hope). Riot has practically said with this, "Play with friends for the best experience. Otherwise, just don't play." And a lot of the dynamic queue puppies would argue that this doesn't mean you can't just queue up solo - oh, but isn't that wonderful? To run the chances of getting pitted against a full team of friends all far more coordinated as a team than the group of randoms you were put with. To be in a game where the chances are significant that someone on your team could have been carried by a duo or trio and decided to queue up by themselves for once only to discover they don't actually belong at such a rank alone - that much of their "skill" is just fairly decent coordination. Oh the joys of having boosting be something that isn't just paid for in the backroom but you can do it by simply queuing up with higher-MMR friends against a bunch of randoms. "But you can have fun with friends." Most of my friends don't play anywhere close to my level. I enjoy playing normals with them, but I don't want to touch ranked like that. And who else would I queue with? People I met up with in the game? That's fine and all, but I don't actually know much of any of them personally and don't have significant ties to any of them. Sometimes I just don't care to queue with them. What is the difference between queuing up with four other people I only know through League and jumping into a dynamic queue with them? All I did was play a game with them before. Whoopdee-fuckin'-doo. I play games with randoms all the time. It doesn't make the same experience more enjoyable - it is literally an entirely different experience. That turns the game from a "random" game to a fucking team game. I might as well go to a full five team-game - I can make infinite damn ranked teams, it's not like it even matters. This is the idiocy behind the "just go solo in dynamic queue" argument, or the "the game is meant to be played with friends anyway" argument - tell that to fucking Samsung White. Half the team hated each other. Look at that and tell me the game is meant to be played with friends.

TL;DR for this portion: Riot is following the EA model of forcing unnecessary or flamboyant changes on players despite large amounts of feedback requesting the opposite. To those saying that Riot's claim that the game is meant to be played with friends, I can point to the LCS and say with honesty that many of the players on teams are not close to being friends with each other, even remotely.

No. You know what the game is supposed to be played as? How you fucking want to play the goddamn game. No, this doesn't mean go in and just ruin the game for people because that's how you want to play it - you play it how you want so long as you aren't dicking your neighbors while you do it. That is considerate, that is fun for all, that is a game that is meant to be appealing. Riot's attitude is to play how they want you to play it. Experience it how they wish it. Many champ changes were made because it was their vision. And while that's fair for designers to do, trying to deflect criticism to them because "it's their game they can make it how they want" is fucking stupid. That's basically saying, "So Apple updated your iPhone to make it shoot hot acid in your face every time you try to turn it on. Don't cry about it, though, because it's a designer choice and they can make the iPhone do what they want. Just don't buy it." So you're not going to say a single word about how Apple basically took a giant floppy dildo and slapped you repeatedly with it after you had spent much time and money on this particular item? Well, maybe you didn't spend money on League - but you did spend a lot of time on it. And you would still like to play - except now Vayne's slated to be a melee bruiser that boxes people with her fists and has a power curve that looks like the spinal column of someone with skoliosis. So if you're a Vayne main, you're not gonna have a problem? Their game, just stop playing, right? But imagine some people actually like the game enough to not want it to be shit.

TL;DR for this portion: using the argument that it is Riot's game and they can do what they want with it is idiotic as criticizing a person's work is a show of displeasure and so demonstrates the short-comings of the work. Vocalizing displeasure at actions taken by a company is basically saying that there are ways they can improve, and that is entirely true, especially at present.

Whatever. I'm sidetracking. Moving on is the final - and honestly biggest pain in the ass - point.

It takes for-fucking-ever to get into games.

Dynamic queue was a cute idea. It's pretty nice. HotS didn't even have the option to lock yourself into the lanes you want, so if you were a group of one, two, even three people, you may get stuck doing something you don't want to do in there. Here you can effectually reduce that chance to zero. But the game has to be all-around enjoyable for this to work out well. Know why? Because I do not want to wait in a queue for more than ten minutes to get into a game, be pitted against a full pre-made 5, have the enemy pick up one of the multitude of infuriatingly obnoxious early-champs, have little to no counterplay possible without team coordination or that obnoxious aspect of "late-game dream", have the individual merit of my own actions lost in the cesspool of group-centered gameplay so I feel like I have no individual positive impact on the game whatsoever while simultaneously having any negative impact being traceable back to a single person, struggling for 15 minutes to fight back against an aggressively snowballing push-comp, and then lose harshly only to go back into a queue and have to fucking wait half the fucking duration that a fucking game lasts in order to try a-fucking-gain. And you are fucking curious why I am already irritated beyond belief by the time I get into an actual lobby?

You did not come prepared, Riot. You went for a change that you clearly were not ready to execute - you were in foreign territory. Dynamic Queue could have sat in the PBE for a year, two years, I don't care how many - it is pretty and that is it. Functionally, it is only saved by the fact you repeatedly tape pieces of paper to the front of it with the point of dynamic queue typed out on them which only really serve to hide the absolutely dysfunctional mess that its attached to. The long wait times would even be fine if the game wasn't such an absolutely infuriating mess of ass. I have never felt so absolutely worthless in games than I have this season because no matter how hard I try, if the 10/1 Xin doesn't stop split-pushing like an asshole and ends up getting merc'd multiple times, it's not just "Oh Akali got the kill, just take her down first or avoid her", it's now "Oh, their entire team is now collectively stronger than we are without Xin. I guess we literally cannot fight." If I'm the only one to win lane, I can't push well because not only does the enemy team have a collective level-advantage, but they also have more towers, meaning that our lanes will get pushed far faster than I can push out - what fucking fun. There is no solo-contribution anymore - it's now "your team is ahead, attack" or "your team is behind, defend". You do not get a middle ground. You as an individual mean next to nothing other than what you did in your lane when it comes to the impact on the flow of the game. You still get to do things in teamfights, you still get to make plays and other things - but as far as your control over what happens in the game, there is no real feeling of advancement. The game is not in your control, it is in your team's control. And many would argue that's the point of a team game.

I would argue that until humanity is a fucking hive-mind, I still want to feel as if I myself have some control over my predicament regardless of if I'm working with people or not.

TL;DR for this part: Dynamic queue was not ready for release. The combination of queue times and utter lack of self-investment/impact a player has on a game by themselves makes it hard to appreciate. Games are too focused on a team's power as opposed to individual power to allow for solo-enjoyment. This does not excuse the wait times to retry the game.

So I am suggesting one of two choices here, Riot - either switch the game's mechanics back to something that still has a focus on individuality so that I can at least feel better about waiting for a game if I'm going to enjoy it, or you can take dynamic queue and throw it in the fucking trash because in game design there is a concept designers have to balance with "risk, punishment, and reward". You must ensure that the rewards a player gets out of playing the game outweigh the punishments suffered upon failure to achieve the rewards - I.E. winning versus losing in this game and what you must go through to continue playing the game.

Losing a game with a set of thick-headed ninnies who couldn't coordinate falling down if you cut their legs off simultaneously only to then have to wait 10-20 more minutes to give it another shot at the risk of doing it all over again does not make me want to queue up again. It does not make me look forward to playing the game. So until you fix this very disgusting imbalance of risk, punishment, and reward you have here, you will continue to lose players, you will continue to lose veterans, and new people will continue to feel rather ambivalent towards trying to continue the climb.

TL;DR for this part: Dynamic queue was executed piss-poorly with little to no functional consideration. Combining the release of such a thing with very experimental and spotty gameplay changes causes a clash in risk, reward, and punishment for players where going into a game and risking losing rather obnoxiously combined with the abhorrent amount of time and effort it takes to then take another shot at it (I.E., "dying" in a game versus the amount of time it takes to reload and regain progress) drastically outweighs the attractiveness of the reward of winning a game.

If you're okay with the game being only the people who want to exclusively play as a group in dynamic queue, then I suppose you're achieving your goal. But keep in mind the sheer amount of people you are basically telling "fuck off" to - as of current at 9:00 central time approximately, this poll (http://strawpoll.me/7157281/r) that is far more fairly and straightforwardly worded than your survey shows that approximately 64% of your ranked community will not be happy with your cutting of solo-queue.

So, by all means. Tell 64% of the community to go eat a dick. I would applaud such bravery, for even Blizzard isn't so utterly self-immolating.

TL;DR here: It's Riot's game, but failing to marry the concepts of "designer's vision" and "catering to the audience" will make your game suck dick. Solo-queue is not that goddamn much to ask and "designer's vision" doesn't justify the desire to effectually tell the majority of the community to fuck off.

Edit: Ugh - so for everyone that isn't Riot (and no I don't actually expect Riot to read this but by god is it everything that ought to be said to them), I have added a TL;DR to each section.

TL;DR for this update: Reading is hard. Less of it, please.