I've noticed a lot of anxiety occurs whenever I'm behind.

Note: current account is NewYetOldName

I might have posted a lot of crap about myself already...but I'm starting to notice yet another nuance.

Long story short on "previously on this guy's posts": Whenever I'm doing stuff that's not "up to par" on an ideal player's standards (e.g. proper cs, leet-level visual processing for map awareness, losing very vital objectives etc), I feel like a Steve Wilkos-like figure in my head is telling me I'm such a horrible person I have to kill myself for not being good at a game. That, and I expect most bm'ing people through emote spams to want me to just lose a finger for a loss like it's cutthroat gambling or something. It could be from the side of the fanbase that makes fun of low level players all the time or rips on any form of mistake.

Such an unforgiving culture, I must say. It MIGHT be akin to how fighting game culture is in how the FGC views "hard work and effort being the key to being respected as an FGC player", but at least to somewhat quote one of norviltataki's vids "fighting games don't have to be an all or nothing effort; you can just stop and do something else, then go back to it".

Why do most people like me forget that about League of Legends? : P

But tying into just some of that, I've recently noted that whenever I'm very behind in a game, it's so hard for me to maintain myself no matter how much I hear good advice about just trying to slow down and catch back up.

Cause the anxiety comes from these factors which I feel is common for a lot of low level players: *"My cs is far below my enemy laner's!"

*"I lost two towers in a row to the juggernaut already..."

*"I'm so weak that we can't have enough damage for teamfights."

*"They're so strong enough to stomp teamfights and/or contest major objectives for free."

*"I can't calculate my current damage output to see if it's enough to just survive for crap; I NEED to finish my item before this fight!" (This is quite common since you see a lot of players rush back to stores after a major event just to spend gold for completed items and/or ingredients instead of sticking around to help)

*"What do we do right now? Group? Split? Pressure? Contest?!"

And among other issues. This may be a pretty common reason why low level players struggle, and why elo-boosting stomps happen often taking advantage of such possible anxiety. It's this sense of you REALLY needing to catch back up in order to make a difference, and if you do stuff slowly and grabbing random small morsels, it feels as though you're letting the enemy team get away with whatever they want. Though sadly, a lot of people including me have a hard time trying to fully realize that most single leads seem to disappear overtime.

I mean, to be fair, warfare via the words of folks such as Sun Zi AKA Sun Tzu isn't above taking advantage of dis-unified armies just to crush them as effectively as possible. And in the case of real life Lü Bu (NOT ''Dynasty Warriors'' Lü Bu), his troops as recorded by Chen Shou were of their own motivations and shit; he was a good warrior, but a craptastic leader (hence we hear some people recently saying "one person can't carry you the game, but one person can lose you the game").

But alas, that's just my rambling side of it after two dumb losses in a row. :P

P.S. I'm somewhat getting the hang of nowadays.