Allow me to help you translate your profanity-laced screed into something less bellicose, to help you attract positive attention to your plight, rather than downvotes.
Title: "The remake rules are frustrating"
We couldn't remake because the game interpreted a teammate to be present when she wasn't actually there. I didn't see her move at all the entire game. This situation was very frustrating. By all accounts, the game was a 4v5 from the very outset. I feel very cross about this situation.
Please make the limitations on remaking a game more flexible so that in situations where a teammate is clearly not participating from the very beginning, the team has a prompt solution.