Community

To All My Brothers and Sisters of the Rift,

It has been about three months since I decided, for personal reasons, to take a pause from the clickety clicks of PC gaming. It’s been a moment for me to gather my thoughts and do some self-reflection, and inevitably, League of Legends has come up: a place where I’d spent many hours laughing, smiling, being focused, getting angry, and raging.

When I began League of Legends, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I remember being completely overwhelmed by the pace of the game, the insane amount of stimulation that I’d never experienced from any other game. The rapid clicks, and the quick keystrokes. Through roughly four years of playing, I developed a higher than average micro and macro game. I spent countless hours trying to improve my play, always aiming to climb higher and higher. However, what I also failed to realize was how I was becoming a shadow in this world of gaming that I never thought existed.

I don’t quite remember the first time I was raged at, but I do remember my surprise. My roommate at the time told me how normal that was for the game. Rather than take a step back and shrug it off, I decided to defend myself. What I didn’t know was that this would begin a cycle for myself, where I would find myself easily provoked, and being an impulsive 19-year-old with a heavy history of loss, would lash out hard at others if I felt provoked or belittled.

However, I would get to moments of serenity as well. Moments where I could just brush it off, and move on. I would get to moments where I would mute others. I would get to moments where I would help defend others from the onslaught of words. I would get to moments where I would offer guidance from my own experiences.

So, today, I want to begin by saying I have been on both sides of the coin. I remember the first time I had someone “wish cancer upon my family”, shortly after a family member of mine had passed from cancer. I quickly wished this person to “drop dead”, out of pure rage. However, this moment once again cultivated a negative-thought response in my mind.

Recently, the abbreviation “kys” and “kms” came into flavour in the league scene. I remember the first time someone had thrown it at me. I asked my friend what it meant at the time, and he told me. Being in the state of mind I was in, I didn’t really think anything of it. I brushed it off. Suddenly, I once again felt myself provoked and dropped the “kys” out of nowhere. I figured, if I could brush it off, then so could everybody else.

Consequently, I found myself at either end of a “kys” war with others, until my own emotional, human brain woke up and realized, “wait, this is kind of a fucked up thing to be saying”. Yet, after I had dialled back my own clock on the rage, and on the terrible feud fest of words, still these types of things would be uttered. And guys and girls, it’s not just “us” common folk either, it’s our favourite pro, our favourite streamer. I remember watching one pro in particular on a stream in front of thousands of people, dropping “kill yourself”.

Having been on both sides of the coin as both a rager, and peacekeeper, and somewhere in the middle as a mute and move on, I can wholeheartedly say that all my best experiences in this game have been when the team gets along together, and works towards a common goal. Of course, we all have our bad games, we all have our bad days, but when I began League, it was meant to be fun and an escape, but in truth, it became a sort of addiction and a place filled with high highs, and low lows.

For all current leaguers, newbie leaguers, and future leaguers, general gamers, etc. let’s continue to cultivate a positive environment every game. If you find someone raging, don’t continue provoking them either, try to calm them down. We have all raged, and we have all gotten angry, some of us more than others. However, that person who is raging just needs some guidance, not provocation. And please, let’s stop wishing cancer upon others, typing kys or kms, and any other aggressive over the top stuff that comes to mind.

Finally, I’d like to say, to all those who I have ever raged at, I hold myself accountable for my actions, and I want to offer a very sincere apology. I also want to offer my forgiveness to all those who raged at me, where I know that somewhere inside, you’re probably in pain from something that happened in your own life, maybe you’re just angry and need a different outlet, or maybe you just need some guidance.

In every moment involving two parties, there are two separate point of views, two separate circumstances, and two separate end goals. We cannot always force our end goal onto someone else. We cannot always force our point of view onto someone else, and we should always try to be mindful of someone else’s different circumstances. It is my belief that each of us is doing the best we can given what we know. That being said, there’s always room for betterment, always room to self-reflect, and always room to grow. Whether in League of Legends, or in something else, I wish all of you the best of luck, peace, and love.

BB