How to make Death's Dance fun, interesting, risky, and MANLY

Death's Dance is just code word for 'Amumu's Dance'. It's just a stat stick at this point. Boring. No active that makes Karthus dance with you, nothing really interesting to work with, not even a FUCKING MUISTACHE. Braum would be disappointed.

Is true. Braum is disappointed in lack of manly mustache.

So how can we fix this?

There are 5 levers to work with:

1. Stats
2. Spell Vamp/Lifesteal
3. DR amount
4. Debuff duration
5. Efficacy of the debuff

Stats are boring by themselves. Ignore them for now. The Healing contribution seems reasonable already. The last three are the most interesting parts we can change to make the item more interesting MANLY.

How to increase the testosterone of Death's Dance in 3 Easy steps (Viagra not included):

1. The DR needs to be tripled to 45%. Why? Because THAT's the kind of DR would be PROUD of. Wimpy items can't milk those!

2. Instead of dealing 100% of the damage prevented over the duration, it will deal 200%. What does that means? It means if you just run away like a little bitch, the enemy's damage to you is increased by 45%. AND YOU DESERVE IT. You don't run away like a little BITCH. You stand and fight like against EXACTLY! Today is a good day to die! You're 0/7/0 scrub. Stop diving 1v5 This is exactly what you DON'T want when fighting poke comps or if you are part of a poke comp. You also do NOT want to get this item as a bruiser or a tank; if you get cced, you WILL die by DoTs. In fact, you don't even want to get this for dueling unless you can end it in 2-3 seconds because by that time, you will now be suffering from the extra damage. So why would you ever want this item?

3. Because we've given it 150 AD. So, you tell me. Are you man enough to reach for this amazing burst and dps booster while still remaining alive to actually use it? If you said yes, you're a fucking LIAR. Go play Yasuo and Vayne. You're not a man. You're not ready to wait for the right moment to strike your opponent because even just a gust of wind from 0 AP would chunk you down nicely.

You still reading this? Good, I like you already. This item advertises that you can DANCE with DEATH. I don't see Karthus sashaying his hips around his staff for a fresh Benjamin so this better be one of those philosophimically analogologuegies where you metaphorically dance on the border with the gray screen. WELL THAT AIN'T HAPPENING. I EXPECTED TO BE WALTZING AROUND WITH 1% HP MOST OF THE FIGHT OR PRAYING THAT TRUE DAMAGE DOESN'T KILL ME. Instead, I'm just chucking spears to heal up ~500 hp in a few seconds or just making that alligator's Q even more infuriating. That true damage doesn't even tickle, and I'm a very ticklish person. Just ask Lulu.

Yeah...he's pretty ticklish.

Riot, all ya gotta do is follow my three-step guide and Death's Dance will be 1337% more interesting and fun to use. But for the manly part...

PUT A MUSTACHE ON THAT DAMN SWORD. IT'S A DISGRACE TO ALL SWORDS WITH MUSTACHES http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/profile01/118/627f88e0c2e742feb2ac10e8d0990a52/p.jpg