Thinking about tilt

If there is one thing I can honestly say i am proud of, it is the control of my mental. I don't let people get under my skin, and when they do i recognize it for what it is and mute all. However, i still find I suffer the same loss streaks as others, as in i do not go from win to lose and win to lose, but rather 3-5 wins then 3-5 losses. I have come to a habit where when i lose i sulk for a few hours doing other things, then come back and lose another. I don't understand why i get this mentality, because I have never believed the shit people say in solo qeue.

However, I have come up with a theory that its just that i lose faith in solo qeue. I for one understand how averages work, and know I am getting the same teammates as my opponent. And one thing I know for sure in my heart is that i am a better mid laner than my opponent. But when I lose, I have never truly recognized it but I get into a mode where I need to carry harder than any of the games I won. I get into a mode where i get anxious every time a teammate dies, wonder where they are going to be in 15 minutes, wonder how in the world I will get myself out of this "mess."

Now for most, maybe that is a motivator. Gives anger or a sense of vengance or some bull like that. But I am not a mechanics player. I VERY RARELY make mechanical outplays that I love to come back to and look at. I have always been a macro enthusiast (I am gold so my understanding isnt amazing) and I need to have a pretty set plan that leaves nothing to chance (at least in laning phase, but usually beyond as well). But I lose brain power to working on a way to do something I am not capable of, and have never been capable of.

That is what tilt is to me.