I'm a Bad Feeding Player but I've learned 11 Things So Far

(Note: I previously posted this in General Discussion, but was informed this was a better spot for it)

Ok, I posted another thread earlier trying to figure out how to suck less. After a long weekend of game spamming, I now suck slightly less. These are eleven things I have learned over an extremely painful and demoralizing weekend:

1. Don't Die! The number one thing to do as a bad player is don't die. You don't have to do a damn thing competently, but don't die. Back every thirty seconds, cower 25 yards behind your turret. Build full defense. Run every time a fight isn't totally in your favor. Just don't die.

2. Sona is harder than she looks. My win rate went from under 30% to nearly 50% by dropping Sona from my supp pool. Why? First, her ult is much harder to consistently hit than it looks. Second, after the recent tweaks, her Q poke is weak, but her heals and shields are still OP, particularly at full build...if your team fights in an organized way around you. But this is bronze, that doesn't actually happen. I found it a major accomplishment for someone to say "all mid" and all five people actually show up in mid within the next 30 seconds.

3. I don't understand why Naut supp is a thing, but Maokai support isn't, because Maokai works so much better than Naut at supp. Mao can just chuck saplings until he gets a bit tanky, while Naut has a damn hook that pulls him TOWARDS the enemy.

4. Bad low level supports should use Brand. Brand support is awesome, even though I have no idea why it is socially acceptable to Brand support, because he has pretty much zero "support skills". Basically, to Brand support is to pretend to support, don't steal the adc's cs for the first 10 minutes of the game, and buy a sightstone. Then no one is mad at you, as you build straight AP from then on so you can get a triple kill off an R in the last team fight. Brand is good for a crappy player because none of his four buttons are ever bad. When a fight starts, you just mash them all, and enemies often die as a result.

5. Warding is good, and makes your teammates think you are better than you are when you suck, but don't do blind warding into the enemy jungle. This is a major way to turn into a feeder. See #1 above.

6. At low levels, everybody should take teleport, no matter what role they play. You're bad, you're going to screw up that flash anyway.

7. Be relentlessly nice and positive. 10% of games you lost were winnable if you had been nicer. Also, don't ever vote yes to a surrender unless you have an AFK. You would have won 20% of the games you surrendered in.

8. When you support, tell your adc before the game starts that "this is a passive lane and we are going to farm". You might actually get some kills anyway, but this somewhat mitigates the risk your adc does dumb stuff and blames you.

9. Always tell your team that your comp outscales theirs, even if it isn't true. Hope is worth its weight in gold. So much of winning at low levels is psychology. If everyone tries the whole game and doesn't start a circular firing squad, you win way more than you lose, independent of skill.

10. When you win a fight, you HAVE to take an objective. At bronze, it doesn't matter, tower, inhib, baron, dragon. But if you win a fight, don't let your team just go back farming. This is the one time it's OK to type in caps, because at bronze/silver, the team that wins a fight will simply go back to killing minions and creeps two thirds of the time unless someone yells at them to destroy an objective.

11. At bronze/silver levels, Jhin ADC's are consistently the worst, most toxic, and most clueless. I cringe every game now when my adc selects Jhin. Apparently, 12 year old kids all want to be snipers.