"Do you really think I'm crazy?"

I suppose it would seem that way. I turn people into squills, cupcakes, kitties, dragons, and poros. And that's just what the Institution allowed me to do. I've turned people into lady bugs, children into unmoving flowers, and giant beasts into wet puppies. Give me some more time, and I'll be able to transmogulate champions into tikis or crabs or something the Institution wants. Besides that, I say a lot of things that seem non-sequitor. They pretty much are actually. Some of them are cryptic, some silly, and some plain obvious. I like skipping. Who doesn't? If you don't, you're worse than Teemo. I like telling people I skip. Is that a problem? When I played hide-and-go-seek with the yordle children, I wanted to make them work for it, which is why I would transmogulate them. If I want to tell the virgin summoner who spends all his time looking at Playwizard because he's not confident enough to talk to girls that he's better off not looking them directly in the eye, then I'm going to do just that. If I want to tell people that they will only see more when they have passed on, then I will.

Someone's got to tell them.

Yordles are small and childlike, but I'm still a little girl. I hate it when those virgins fawn over me. Yes, I like getting attention but not with all those creepy pictures they make. You morons don't know me. You know nothing about me. I can't fault you for that (actually maybe I can because you never asked me), so I'll tell you.

Do you know what it's like going home only to see it crumbled to dust? How about spending ten days scouring the Bandle City library so you can find where your parents are buried, only to find that the headstones are almost completely destroyed? Have any of you had to come to terms with the awful realization that Papa won't be telling you stories of his scouting missions? Or that your hair isn't going to be brushed by mommy ever again? They won't give you a hug or tell you they love you? What about remembering their last words to you: "Lulu, don't you go near the forest again! It's too dangerous!" They're gone. All gone. All of this just comes crashing down on you at once and then hits you again. And again. And again. When you eat. When you try to sleep. While you sleep. When you go to buy food. When you drown your sorrows in apple cider. "It's your fault. It's all your damn fault." Everyone I ever loved, the very few who gave me a berth when most stayed away, disappeared from my life because I'm this way. I hate myself. I did this to them and to me.

I joined the Institution because I thought I could find at least one person to help ease the pain. I thought maybe someone who's lived for hundreds of years could help me. No. They're all useless. They're all high and mighty and immortal or something. They don't understand. The yordles of this age look at me like I'm a zoo animal. Veigar opened up at first, but now he's closed off. Maybe he got scared. It doesn't matter now.

When the summoners found Gnar, something stirred within me. A part of my heart that withered up from no hope began to beat again. I found him as quickly as possible and tried to befriend him. He lost his family. He lost home. He's in a strange world where his kin treat him like me. We could be friends, and maybe I could finally have a family again, if only just one.

He's happy. He doesn't look back on his life with sadness and regret. He said that he was dead and the Earth-Ones gave him a second life. He "died" fighting for his family with honor. The Earth-Ones rewarded his honor.

I hate him the most. I want to break everything he holds dear so he will be as dead inside as me. Then maybe we could be friends.

All of this weighs on me heavily everyday. I'm still a little girl. Part of me is anyway. That part naively holds out for someone to be my family, someone to understand me like mommy and papa. And the other is shriveled up, hardened, and impenetrable. Am I really crazy for thinking like this? For acting opposite of how I feel to hide the sadness? The shame and guilt?

I'm not crazy. I'm just... ...me.