Heartseeker Voidlings - Monsters have feelings too!

A new Voidling story, as promised!

...

“Wait, WHAT? You can't be serious!”

Vel'Koz was angry. He didn't often get angry, because it's actually rather easy to keep a giant eyeball with tentacles amused (tip: just give him something to disintegrate) but today was different. Today, Vel'Koz was angry. And confused. Being confused and not understanding were the two things that made him angry. He snapped his tentacles, scattering sparks of purple Void magic around the room, leaving yet more stains on the otherwise blank stone walls of the Voidling Living Quarters. Kha'Zix and Kog'Maw watched on with amusement.

“Are you done yet?” Cho'Gath, as always, had a look of disdain on his face.

“No! This makes no SENSE!” Vel'Koz continued spitting purple splots of magic around the room.

“Are you done now?”

Finally, Vel'Koz calmed down. “Yes. Sorry. But seriously, someone needs to explain what in the name of the Void is going on!”

Cho'Gath put on his reading monocle and top hat, before picking up a piece of paper and beginning to read it. “For the upcoming month, all Champions MUST participate in the Festival of Romance at the Institute of War. This is to make sure that all champions are created equally. All champions with a partner will be allowed to do as they please for the day. All single Champions will have their names placed into the respective Male and Female pots and will be randomly chosen to form partners.”

There were a lot of blinks and eye rolls going around the room.

“Wait, what?” Kha'Zix asked.

“You see why I'm angry!” Vel'Koz bellowed, ready to start throwing purple sparks again. Cho'Gath sneered at him though, so he decided otherwise. Most confused of all was Kog'Maw.

“What is date?”

“Isssn't it the day of the month and the year? Or a kind of fruit?” Kha'Zix replied. “ Or do they mean the interaction between two beingsss?” He waited for a reply, but Kha'Zix didn't get one. The silence around him spoke volumes. “Bloody Void, they mean the human'sss versssion...”

Cho'Gath sighed. “Yes. But that's not our problem. Our problem is that unless we don't find a partner, our names go into the pots and we end up with someone random...”

“Don't worry! We sort out!” Kog'Maw bounced happily, not really sure what he should have been thinking.

It was the day before the Festival of Romance. There used to be three of these lovey dovey festivals, one in February, one in June and one in October, but everyone hated the October one so they got rid of it. No one was sure about the June one either but they hadn't gotten around to getting rid of it yet. Our fellow Voidlings were all preparing for it, no matter how much the idea of going on a date confused or infuriated them. Cho'Gath was in his bedroom, adjusting his top hat and trying to choose a suit when he was interrupted by Kha'Zix.

“Cho'Gath? Can I asssk a quessstion?”

“Go ahead!” Cho'Gath slammed his wardrobe shut. He welcomed the interruption. Choosing suits was always tricky.

“What isss the difference between male and female again?”

“Didn't I already tell you?”

“I forgot.”

Cho'Gath dutifully explained. Once he had finished, Kha'Zix scratched his head. He then muttered something and left the room. His absence was quickly filled by the presence of Vel'Koz and Kog'Maw. Vel'Koz was laughing. Kog'Maw didn't seem so amused.

“Hey, get this, Cho, Kog'Maw hasn't found anyone!” Vel'Koz giggled.

“Of course not. No offence, Kog'Maw, but you're a monster.” Cho'Gath smiled. “But don't worry about it. Everyone loves you anyway.”

That was all the reassurance Kog'Maw needed. He spat at Vel'Koz then went off to see where Kha'Zix meant. Meanwhile, Vel'Koz asked what Cho'Gath was up to.

“Preparing.”

“You got a date?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Woah! Who with?”

“Shyvana.”

“No way!” Vel'Koz chuckled. “Me and Morgana are gonna go to her place. How the hell did you manage to snare Shyvana?”

Cho'Gath's smile widened. “I have my gentlemanly ways. Now leave me in peace. I have preparations to make.”

The next day, everyone was in their best. Apart from a couple of people who didn't have their best, because they didn't have clothes that fit. Those who had found dates were waiting in the Hall of Announcements, where the brief Festival of Romance celebration was taking place, while those who were single waited for the wary summoners to hand out the letters saying who was dating who. Kha'Zix and Kog'Maw stood together, surrounded by other various monsters. Kha'Zix was surprised not to see people like Mundo and Blitzcrank there. Turns out, Blitzcrank was dating Oriana on a dare and Mundo already had a girlfriend. While the thought of Mundo having a girlfriend made Kha'Zix fall to his knees, Kog'Maw was handed his little note. He struggled with the ribbon before opening it up. It read one word.

“Sssona?”

“Sona.”

“Sssona?”

Kog'Maw grinned, abandoning Kha'Zix and waddling over to where the few single women were. He did not expect Sona's first reaction to be her hugging him actually rather tightly.

“We go?”

Sona nodded, taking Kog'Maw by the claw and leading him to the Hall of Announcements. Kha'Zix though just watched as the numbers dwindled around him. There weren't many people left and he still hadn't received his little letter.

Suddenly, Kha'Zix felt something on his shoulder. A very heavy hand.

“Is surprise to see you, little bug!” It was Braum. He was holding not one but two letters, one of which was open. Sitting on his head was a Poro with a moustache. Braum was actually rather well dressed, but he was having a Cho'Gath problem; his suit was way too small and Braum's muscular body was popping out everywhere. “Did silly baby bug put name in wrong pot?”

Instead of answering, Kha'Zix just fainted.

The festivities in the Hall of Announcements didn't last too long and before they knew it, everyone was filing out to wherever they'd arranged to go on a date, leaving the hall in twos, as if they were boarding an ancient ark. First off were Annie and Nunu, followed by the Yordle pairings, with Teemo and Tristana and Rumble and Poppy all giving each other funny looks. Veigar and Lulu though were both quite happy. Behind them were the human couples, led by Garen and Katarina. Then came the stranger couples, with Anivia and Skarner leading the way. Last out was a summoner who was carried out on a stretcher after laughing at Zac and Ahri.

Outside, Cho'Gath managed to catch sight of his siblings.

“What's wrong?” Shyvana asked.

“Nothing. Just don't want them getting into trouble. I don't know who Kog'Maw and Kha'Zix are going out with.”

Shyvana smiled, baring her teeth. “Don't you fret. It's not a date if you're worrying about other people. I said to myself to not think about Jarvan today. He has his eye on other people.”

Cho'Gath put an arm around Shyvana. “Where we're going, you won't need to worry about that stupid king at all.”

Sona had caught Kog'Maw off guard, but the little puppy monster was determined to not let that happen again. That's why he insisted that they go to Kog'Maw's favourite non-eating place. Sona was quite happy, since it seemed like everyone was going to that big fancy restaurant in Demacia, particularly Lee Sin. But when the pair arrived at the bottom of a mountain with nothing but a little sled nearby, she wasn't so sure.

“In sled!” Kog'Maw gurgled.

Confused, Sona stepped into the sled. Inside was an oversized fur coat and a woolly hat. While she struggled to put the coat on, Kog'Maw hooked himself up to the sled, somehow attaching reins to himself.

“Ready?”

She didn't have a chance to nod as Kog'Maw started pulling. Slowly but surely, he pulled the sled along the path, up the mountain.

Sona wasn't the only confused female champion around. Shyvana and Cho'Gath were far off the beaten path. Problem was, Shyvana didn't know where, and since she was part dragon and regularly flew around Valoran, this was fairly disorientating for her. But after what seemed like forever, they reached a large building made from the bones of ogres, trolls and mammoths. Cho'Gath opened the door and let the lady in.

It was a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. A dragon restaurant. And it was empty apart from the dragon in the kitchen.

“How did you find this place?” Shyvana whispered.

“Magic!” Cho'Gath grinned. “Actually, I just used the YellowRunePages. It's got numbers for everything there.” He led Shyvana to a table and pulled the chair out for her to sit down, before sitting down himself. The dragon chef drifted over, placing a menu in front of them.

“Good day! How may I assist you?” the chef asked.

Vel'Koz and Morgana were having fun too. Since Vel'Koz had paid for the last three dates, Morgana was making sure that she repay the giant eyeball in full. While she couldn't really give him a massage, as he lacked most of a body, Morgana had decided to give him a feast for the eyes AND the stomach. Well, it wasn't really for a stomach. Turned out that Vel'Koz ate things by disintegrating them with a special beam that let the pile of ash retain all its former, non-disintegrated flavour. No, Morgana didn't understand either, but Vel'Koz insisted that he could really taste the cinnamon in her apple pies.

“How do you cook such delicious treats? Your stupid sister must be so jealous!” Vel'Koz inquired as he finished his fifth plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Morgana laughed, but it was an empty laugh. “I send her stuff. She refuses to eat it. Stupid cow.”

“She's missing out.”

“Indeed.” Morgana nodded, helping herself to a ginger biscuit. “Still, it annoys me.”

“Of course. Stupid siblings always annoy you!” Vel'Koz had just finished another jam tart. “Kha'Zix drives me loopy and Kog'Maw's about as smart as a human's companion pet. Cho'Gath is okay, but he can get grumpy at times. It's Malzahar who annoys me the most.”

“Don't tell me...” Morgana sneered as she nibbled on a piece of flapjack. “He tries to boss you around.”

“Totally.”

“Kayle's exactly the same.”

“I feel for ya, sister!” Vel'Koz did his best to smile, despite not having a mouth.

Kha'Zix woke up and realised he had no idea where he was. He was about to panic, scream and start killing things when something in his little insect brain told him to calm down and have a look around. He was sitting in a chair. And he wasn't tied to it. That was a start. There was also a table in front of him. With plates on it. And cutlery. Something smelled meaty. A bit like something he had killed and eaten before.

“Ah. Baby bug has woken up!” Braum had appeared from the corner of the room. He was carrying a very large platter. On it was a roasted bear's head, served with some sort of gravy and various vegetables as garnish.

There was something odd about Braum. He had this weird accent that Kha'Zix swore he'd heard before, he just couldn't remember when. Was it his imagination? Was it from something else the author had written? Was it from another universe entirely? He didn't know. Either way, it seemed that Braum didn't mind Kha'Zix accidentally being his date.

“Is no problem, little bug. Braum looks after all living creatures big and small. Please, eat.” He placed the platter in front of Kha'Zix, who just realised that he was in fact cowering in his chair. Stupid animal instincts. He glanced at the platter. It smelled delicious. Kog'Maw probably would have eaten the lot in one go, but this particular Voidling had slightly more dignity than that.

“Thanksss?” Kha'Zix sniffed the food. It occurred to him that using cutlery was hard. Oh well. “Why are you being ssso nice?”

Braum pulled the chair out next to him and sat down, carving a slice of meat off and placing it on Kha'Zix's plate before putting some for himself. “Braum has other love. But on day of festivities, other love cannot be present. Instead, took last single person in. Is good to make new friends, even if we must be enemies on battlefield.”

Kha'Zix nibbled his piece of meat. It was very tasty. No, there's no innuendo going on here, you just have a dirty mind. “You want to talk, yesss?”

“Da, that would be good.”

It had started to snow as Kog'Maw struggled his way up the mountain. Sona kept on trying to ask him if he was okay, but he'd just nod and carry on walking. She considered climbing out of the sled and walking alongside the little monster, but every time she tried to, he'd whine and she'd start feeling guilty. For a creature who was about as smart as a cat and three potatoes, he was very good at provoking emotions.

But finally, they had stopped. They'd reached a plateau and the snow had started to disappear.

“...!”

If Sona could speak, she'd be speechless. The view was amazing. All around were sheer mountains, coated in thin layers of snow. Below them was the Howling Abyss, in all its snow-swept glory.

Kog'Maw undid his reins and tied the sled up to a rock, then helped Sona out of the back. Then he grabbed a small bag from under the seat. Sona was too busy taking in the view to notice that Kog'Maw had brought a picnic, some glasses and a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne with him. There was something happening on the bridge that had caught Sona's attention.

Shyvana was stuffing her face with food. It'd been a very, very long time since she'd had proper dragon cuisine. Her father used to cook it for her as a treat if they were somewhere safe. And now she had found a place where she could eat chilli-coated mammoth snout and honeyed leg of yeti for hours on end. This place had a damn all-you-can-eat buffet on Sundays! And it was all thanks to the monster sitting in front of her.

“Youmnomarenomthenomgreatest!”

Cho'Gath tucked into his plate of wolf sausages, smiling at Shyvana. “I appreciate that, but I am just glad that you are happy.”

“Inomamnomverynomhappy!”

“I noticed.” Cho'Gath finished his glass of wine and ordered a second. The date was going well, but Cho'Gath had future thoughts on his mind. Shyvana was happy now, but would she want desert? “Um, Shyvana, I have been meaning to ask...”

“Hmnom?”

He couldn't do it. He needed more wine first. The chef brought in his second glass of wine, which he gulped down instantly, before asking for the whole bottle.

“Um, never mind.”

Braum and Kha'Zix had been talking for ages now. They'd discussed almost everything, from advanced hextech to literature to how Vel'Koz had managed to create a hammerspace portal which he used as a purse. It turns out, Braum's missing love was called Sasha, but apart from that, Kha'Zix hadn't found out much more about her. He seemed very passionate about her though, talking about how he'd saved friends from certain doom with her.

About half-way through their chat though, Braum got up and wandered into his kitchen, still chatting away. He came back holding two plates. On them were sandwiches, both topped with a single, green, stuffed fruit of some sort.

“For such good listener, Braum has made sandviches.”

“Thank you! You are good lissstener too!”

Kha'Zix took a bite out of the sandwich. It was the best sandwich he had ever had. It was so good, he got up and gave Braum a giant hug.

Once again, Morgana had wanted to pay Vel'Koz back, but once again, he was giving her the back massage to end all back massages. Yeah, she'd end up with purple on her wings for a bit, but that never bothered her.

“Vel'Koz?”

“Yes?” The giant tentacle monster was kneading her back as if it was a loaf of bread.

“Tell me honestly. Have you done this to any other woman?”

Vel'Koz did not see that one coming. He didn't really want to answer her. He didn't want to admit that he'd been giving post-game massages to female players on his team should they win their battles on the Rift. For the first time in the existence of the League of Legends, Twisted Fate was wanted by someone. Only he could lie out of this mess. But no, Vel'Koz may have been a monster, but he was an honest monster.

“Yes I have.”

Morgana got up, sitting up straight, her eyes like lightning, her voice like thunder. Vel'Koz pondered for a moment whether Janna was nearby. “Explain. Now.”

“It's just a little thing. I never give them as good a massage as I give you.”

“...”

Kog'Maw noticed that something was off with Sona. He blinked his four eyes and tried to see what she was looking at. There was commotion on the bridge of the Howling Abyss. Wasn't the Howling Abyss supposed to be closed for battles today? Kog'Maw looked up. Sona was switching her gaze between the sled and the commotion on the bridge. With a sigh, Kog'Maw put his stuff back and put the reins back on himself.

“We go down if want!”

Sona shook her head.

“You want to, yes?”

A nod.

“So we go!”

Sona hesitated and climbed into the sled. As they were going down hill, it was much easier for Kog'Maw. Getting to the bridge didn't take too long. And as they arrived, it was clear what the problem was. Nidalee, Rengar, Zed and Riven were all pummelling Ryze and Soraka with not just snowballs but plenty of magic and spells.

“Can't you just leave us alone?” Soraka kept on shouting, while Ryze did his best to ignore them.

“Nah, this is fun!” Zed taunted them, as Rengar and Nidalee backed him up with a pile of snowballs.

“Or you could fight back, cowards!” Riven grinned evilly.

Suddenly, a rather green-looking snowball flew past, hitting Nidalee in the face. The cat lady stumbled over, cursing like Gangplank after ten litres of rough rum. The four of them spun around to see Kog'Maw standing there, snowballs in his hands, ready to load and fire from his mouth.

“We fight with even numbers!” Kog'Maw announced.

Cho'Gath was still trying to work out when the best time was to ask his question. They'd finally moved on to desert, after Shyvana had basically cleaned out everything savoury in the restaurant and he'd had a couple of bottles of wine. Shyvana had only had half a glass, but she'd eaten enough to make even Kog'Maw sick. If Kog'Maw was present, he'd probably be incredibly impressed with Shyvana. As they tucked into frozen mammoth brain and dried fruit yoghurt, Cho'Gath finally built the courage to ask the question.

“Shyvana?”

“Yes?”

“Would it be okay if we kissed?”

Shyvana dropped her spoon and stared at Cho'Gath. That moment was one of the few times the Terror of the Void had felt fear. No one could have expected Shyvana to leap over the table in full dragon form, to coat the Voidborn in kisses.

In the kitchen, the dragon chef just sighed, placed a note saying to leave money on the table, closed up and left.

“Is little bug feeling better now?” Braum asked. It was getting late, despite late being only 5pm according to Kha'Zix. He was tired though and wanted to go home, so he apologised and got up to leave. Plus, he had no idea where he was and he needed to get back before the Institute of War closed its doors.

“I wasss ssscared that thisss would be a bad day. But I have a new friend now! I would like to do thisss again!”

Braum sighed. “Ashe was correct. Voidbeasts do not get out much. But Braum is glad that you had fun. Would little bug like to join us in ski games next week? Perhaps game of golf? ”

Kha'Zix tilted his head to one side. “I do not know how to play thossse gamesss...”

“Do not fret. We will teach you. We play around a little before starting proper game. Taric, Ezreal and other champions will be present.”

“Okay! What day?”

“Not sure yet.”

Kha'Zix nodded his head. He asked for a piece of paper and wrote down an address and a number. “Thisss is where I live. If you call, asssk for me, Cho'Gath often answersss.”

Braum took the piece of paper and patted Kha'Zix on the shoulder, leading him to the front door.

Zed and his gaggle of miscreants staggered and limped off, covered in snow and spit, while Soraka and Sona cheered. Ryze patted Kog'Maw on the head, congratulating him on his impressive aim. With a silent giggle, Sona made one last snowball and gave it to Kog'Maw to throw. It landed right on Nidalee's head, making her fall over.

“Perfect shot!” Ryze laughed. “Fa-bloody-tastic! That has brightened up our day. Stupid children were trolling us on purpose... So...” He suddenly turned his attention to the women and puppy monster standing with him. “You lot fancy some crumpets? I know just the place, my treat.”

“That would be wonderful!” Soraka beamed. Sona nodded vigorously. Kog'Maw wondered what a crumpet was, then cheered as Soraka explained that it was food. His mood changed though as he realised he needed to pull the sled back down the hill.

“No worries, mate! I'll just use magic!” Ryze pushed Soraka, Sona and Kog'Maw into the sled before climbing in himself. Then, with his fancy magic, he lifted it into the air and fancily pushed it down the hill.

As they raced down the mountain, Sona scribbled something on her notepad and handed it to Kog'Maw.

“Thank you for a wonderful day.”

After finishing up and paying, Cho'Gath and Shyvana headed off to her place as quickly as possible. The only time they'd paused was for Cho'Gath to send a message home. It had only taken 7.5 litres of alcohol for Cho'Gath to gain the courage and it had paid off immensely. They made it to Shyvana's little nest in next to no time. While Shyvana slipped into something more comfortable, Cho'Gath took off his fancy-but-ripped suit and rubbed his claws together.

“This festival of love was a good thing after all...” he grinned.

Vel'Koz rubbed his eye, then his left tentacle, then his back tentacle, then his eye again. He ached all over. As he reached the Voidling Living Quarters, he spotted Kha'Zix fumbling around with a bag of shopping and his door key.

“Need some help?” the eyeball grumbled.

The door finally opened and Kha'Zix looked up and grinned. “No. I have it now, thanksss. Cho'Gath called and sssaid that he won't be back until tomorrow. Did you have a good date?”

Vel'Koz pushed past Kha'Zix and planted himself on the first seat he could find. “Not at all. Got the eye-snot kicked out of me. Didn't know Morgana would get like that. Guess I deserved it. I only said that I give other females massages if we win matches. I mean, humans need an incentive to win and it helps with the non-humans too. What does she do? She beats me up! Oh well, how was your date? Who did you get?”

Kha'Zix dumped his bag in the kitchen then sat down next to Vel'Koz. “It wasss great! Me and Braum had a really nice long chat about everything! We're going golfing and ssskiing sssoon!”

If Vel'Koz had a jaw, it would have dropped. “You went on a date with Braum?”

“A friendssship date! Like Cho'Gath, I made a new friend! And I learned sssomething too!” Kha'Zix leaped up and disappeared into the kitchen. After some fumbling about, he returned, holding two plates. “Sandwiches!”

Vel'Koz inspected the bready dish in front of him. “Hm, curious.” But before he had the chance to comment further, he was interrupted by another Voidling entering the room. It was Kog'Maw. Kha'Zix immediately asked him how his date went.

“Great!” Kog'Maw gurgled, showing off the lipstick kiss marks on his face. Upon seeing the kiss marks, Vel'Koz almost literally exploded.

“HOW THE HELL DOES THE SMARTEST, SEXIEST PERSON HERE MANAGE TO HAVE THE WORST DATE POSSIBLE?” he shouted as he stormed off, once again spraying the walls with sparks and purple splots in anger.