Lamentations of the Jungler - by Oopsie Daisies

Hark! The bot lane pings, frantically like babe with loaded diaper.

"Take breath!" I coo softly, "I will see those who would harm you dead!"

I proceed to dispose of the dead Krug corpses, dust off my spear and make haste to my distressed allies. Corki is heavily wounded, yet still managing to stave off a minion wave. The stalwart Blitzcrank looks well as ever, running in circles at a breakneck pace exclaiming "BEEP BOOP!!". I believe him mentally unstable.

As I stride confidently into lane to cover Corki's retreat, a large dreadlocked blur that smelled like kitty litter launches itself from yonder nearby brush and proceeds to rend Corki a new exit for fecal matter. Before I could react, the hulking figure phased out of our visible spectrum and was gone.

"NO!" I screamed to the heavens and rushed to the crumpled heap that used to be Corki. It quivered, gasping for breath. Maimed beyond belief, he looked toward the Blitzcrank, who at this point had dug a circular trench in the dirt, and with his last dying breath muttered "OMFG F&CKING L2WARD DUMBSH!T".

I proceeded to leave the lane, for the Blue Sentinel has risen, and I would have his buff!

A grueling fight ensued, though the stone behemoth was no match for my strength and skill. As I was preparing to end the creature's existence a tiny purple... thing... with a wide brimmed hat tottered out of a nearby bush and executed the Sentinel with a vicious blast of magic. I stood bewildered at what had just happened. The thing that had stolen my hard earned kill scrambled to make an escape, chortling.

"Thx fgt" it blurted out as it escaped back into lane.

I cried. For a long time.