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Ekko and the River King (Fanfic)

Risen Shade·7/21/2015, 5:24:26 AM·8 votes·3,077 views

Hi. Just a little thing I wished to write. Enjoy.

Ekko and The River King

Ekko was not fond of being near one of Zaun's waste rivers longer than he needed. Thaumoturgical byproducts, alchemical reagents, and other rejected experiments from the various factories and labs mixed and flowed together through open sewers and ruined streets. It had already been proven that reject goo plus life equaled bad news. Just look at Twitch. Nevertheless, he needed to get home and the fastest way was to cross the fallen support beam of one of the old warehouses near here. So Ekko walked beside the river, letting the pale lime glow of the gunk light his way.

He had just gotten sight of the makeshift bridge when he became aware of a sound. It was a sort of droning sound, like a hex tech engine on standby. Focusing on it, the noise gained distinction as a song. Music wasn't that unusual in Zaun. His dad was fond of having the latest Pentakill album playing as he worked. But this humming melody was not something Ekko had heard before. So two options. He either went home or investigated the strange music? Ekko smiled and activated his Z-drive.

The melody got louder and louder as Ekko traversed the river. He followed til he arrived at the river's source, a large drainage pipe from HexCo Armaments factory. Next to the goo chugging pipe was the singer. It was unlike anything Ekko had seen before. The monster had a huge mouth lined with jagged yellow teeth. From the flesh of its lip grew two tentacle like appendages seeming to resemble a moustache. Atop its head, a top hat like those Pilties wore. Ekko pulled the cord of his Z-drive before entering the creature's line of sight. As it caught sight of him, it did something surprising. It spoke.

"Forgive my song. I would hate to have caused you delay in your affairs." Its voice was deep and calm.

"Don't worry about it. I've never seen you around here before. What are you doing in Zaun?"

"I am not a denizen of this locale. You are correct on that. I am merely here attending to business." "And your business?" Ekko was curious. What business would a monster like this be in?

The monster smiled at this question. "I am a broker of sorts, child. See, people have problems that they can't always sort out by themselves. I offer them a ride away from their troubles in exchange for a fee."

"So I don't suppose we could arrange getting me a ride home then?"

The monster laughed. "No. I am afraid I do not provide aid for such minor grievances. I solve bigger problems. Such as your inability to save your friend."

Ekko's hand went to his weapon at the demon's words. "What business is Ajuna to you, monster?" He hissed.

The creature removed its hat and clutched it in both hands. "It's my job to know troubles, child, and his death troubles you deeply. Which is why I would like to offer you a bargain."

Ekko hesitated. This demon was obviously toying with him. "But," Ekko thought as he traced the switch on his glove. "It wouldn't hurt to entertain the beast. I can just reset back to before we talked when it proves to be a waste of time." Ekko looked into its eyes. "Let's hear it."

The hat was replaced atop its head with a grin. "I can take you where you need to be. By your dear Ajuna's side before that rotten criminal ended his life. Time is but a river, child, and I care not where I swim."

Ekko looked at the beast skeptically. Now he did not doubt the ability to travel through time. After all he did it himself. But to be able to freely travel to any point in time would require a power source of great energy. "And what about your fee?"

It clutched a grubby hand to its chest. "My fee is simply that you help ease my burden. I suffer from a terrible hunger the likes of which is not easily satisfied. Unfortunately, the establishments that provide the sustenance I require do not open their doors for folks such as myself. All I require of you is to let me in when the time comes."

Ekko placed his hand onto his glove. "I'm going to need more time to think on your offer." With that, he turned the dial. The conversation flashed before him as time wound backwards. The cord of the Z drive got pulled and released. Presto, he snapped back into place. Once again by the drainage pipe and just out of sight. Ekko turned on his heel to head home. He found a massive body blocking his way.

The demon sneered at Ekko. "The only thing your little toy has changed is how old you are when you make the decision. Now I am not one to repeat myself, boy, so I'll let my offer ferment in your skull." The beast turned to the waste river. "When you've decided, hum a few bars." With that, it leapt into the air and splashed into the river. (Later Ekko would realize the demon had disappeared into three feet of "water".)

Now Ekko knew that offers too good to be true usually were. But he had to admit. This River King...he made one hell of an offer.

7 Comments

RiotBioluminescence7/21/2015, 5:34:16 AM4 votes

Oooooh, I like it. Your ability to set the scene really worked for me - I could almost choke on the acrid air of Zaun's underbelly :D I also felt a little start when Ekko turned around, so confident that he'd gotten away scot-free. Not so fast, kid :D

Taredom7/21/2015, 5:44:06 AM3 votes

Holy crap I want more...

I'm uncertain how Tahm has time traveling abilities but this story is shockingly well written, easily the best I've read on these forums, is there a part two in the works? I need to know how this concludes.

Thales7/21/2015, 6:14:52 AM3 votes

Solidly done, overall, though I do have some points of critique:

  • You hew a little close to Tahm Kench's teaser at points, particularly with his description of the price. To me, that wording is tied pretty closely to gambler's own vices and personality — the same thing that drove the gambler to adopt the trappings of a gentleman. Ekko doesn't share that. Though he may have some resentment at "proper" society, it's not the need for respect that the gambler had. In contrast, using Tahm's taunt towards Ekko "Time is but a river, [...]" works quite well.
  • It seems odd that Ekko immediately identifies Tahm Kench as a demon, particularly in a place where perfectly non-demonic giant talking catfish monsters wouldn't be particularly out of place.
  • Though Tahm's voice generally comes through well, Ekko's doesn't. Some of this is that he has pretty few lines here, but even his internal dialog seems more geared towards the plot purpose of letting Tahm give his pitch than towards being Ekko.
  • There's some sentences that read clunkily, or could use minor grammatical cleanup. More than I enumerate here; I can go into more detail if you'd like.
  • Passive voice gets a bad rap, but it's definitely detrimental to "It had already been proven that reject goo plus life equaled bad news."
  • We know Ekko's capabilities; the formal spelling out of them in "I can just reset back to before we talked when it proves to be a waste of time" comes off as clumsily expository.
  • "But to be able to freely travel to any point in time would require a power source of great energy. 'And what about your fee?'" is a bit logically disjointed. Ekko has notions here of energy and technical feasibility — why is he then asking about price?
  • "The creature removed its hat and clutched it in both hands." Given Tahm's bulk and his stubby arms, are we sure he can even do this?

In general, though, this is pretty well done. You have some evocative descriptions of Zaun's environment, and the proof of the time travel was nicely executed. Tahm's last little lecture to Ekko was cleverly written and absolutely fits his character. This shows a lot of promise. Good job!