LoL Client fails to open after launcher/patcher

**INCOMING WALL OF TEXT ** This has been an issue that I've been dealing with on my comp for several patches now. I really haven't the slightest idea what could be causing the issue.

**A Little Background ** There was actually an instance where my computer was completely wiped (RIP my hard drive) and the issue came right back after recovering Windows. I only installed a few apps, so if there is conflicting software, it's going to be with Chrome, Steam, or a Piriform app because that's all I had installed when I installed LoL. This issue was happening before and after the wipe

The Issue Open LoL > Click Launch > ... > ... > .... > ............................................nothing The client fails to open LoLclient.exe, lolpatcher.exe, and lollauncher.exe are running, but no client opens.

What I've tried

1. I've tried just stopping the lolclient.exe in the task manager, and retrying (this is a coin flip everytime. might work, might not)
2. Run game as admin (almost everytime, as this used to help with some firewall errors that I was getting regularly a while back)
3. tried repairing lol
4. tried reinstalling lol completely
5. Even tried some of the suggestions for login issues on the support site -- synced Windows clock -- reinstalled/updated IE -- ran the MS fixit -- Pando Media Booster hasn't been on my computer since before Riot started suggesting the removal
6. and for Patcher Issues.... -- Adjusted screen resolution (wtf?) -- changed screen refresh rate (....wtf?) -- Reset winsock -- Run game as admin (almost everytime, as this used to help with some firewall errors that I was getting regularly a while back) -- Forced a repatch -- Disabled Windows UAC -- Disabled Firewall -- manually installed .net framework 3.5 -- disabled wifi connection and just used ethernet

....as you may have gathered by this point, I'm a little annoyed at this point that it's still happening...

So how do I actually get the game to open? I use this: C:\Riot Games\League of Legends\RADS\projects\lol_air_client\releases\0.0.1.129\deploy\LolClient.exe

Note: This was recently moved to this location in the last patch. It was in a different location before, but I'm not patient enough to have gone back and collected the old link before I deleted the dead shortcut

What I'm asking Need suggestions on what I can do to stop this issue from happening. Help? ...Rito plz? ......random IT gamer plz? .........Anyone plz?

Feel free to call me out if I missed something stupid. I would actually much rather be an idiot than have to deal with this every time i want to open LoL.